Things have been getting simpler as of late. Although there are still many things that are "complicated", several hard decisions have been made for us recently. One of the things I asked in the previous post for, was for prayer covering around some hard decisions we were having to make. One of those decisions came to us when we found out that the birth mother's other son was placed for adoption through the state Foster Care system. We were distraught over the thought of this little one (five years old) who has been in foster care since he was one year old, being put up for adoption finally and having his current foster family place him back into the system because they did not want to adopt him. This is a five year old, that I knew to have at least 4 homes (that I know about) in his short little life. Jake and I started praying and discussing adopting him, if the county would let us. But then, a week later, we found out that the county had already found him a forever family that was willing to adopt him, and he had gone to live with them. Although all of this was greatly distressing to the birth mother (she was really hoping to convince the courts to give him back to her), we were relieved that he would finally have a permanent home life. So the decision was made for us.
Another distressing complicated decision we have had lately has been "how much" to take care of Sandy. So far, I have offered her my listening ear, my friendship, my love, a little bit of money towards groceries, transportation to her doctors appointments, and my Mom has generously decided to hire a care giver 3-4 times a week to come in and cook for Sandy, bathe her, change her clothes, clean, and prep meals for her that are available for her on the days that she (the caregiver) is not there. I have wanted to do more though. Sandy's roommate/baby's daddy/ "caregiver" is truly taking advantage of her. I want her to stand for herself, to stand up to this man who takes her money and gives her almost no care at all. But as of now, it is up to Sandy, and I have decided to just pray for that situation. She needs to be the one to make that decision, I cannot do it for her. The mother in me wants to protect her, but I can't. Until the point comes that more needs to be done, all I can do is love. I pray that I can do that well.
She is now in 33 weeks pregnant and the baby should be coming in the end of January. Please please please continue to pray that she DOES NOT go into labor at home. AS I have stated before, this can and very likely would be, a life and death situation for her and for the baby. I cannot wait to post pictures of our precious new SON! What a beautiful, blessed day that will be. But another wonderful day I hope to see is the day this woman who has seen very little love in her life, accepts THE ONE who IS love. The day she accepts the love and forgiveness of her awesome Heavenly father will be a great and glorious day indeed!
Until then, I am busy tending to the needs of my precious two at home, my husband who sometimes needs just as much care ;-), and trying to help assist Sandy in her life as well. I am so thankful to each and every one of you who read this blog and who commit to praying for us, our new son, and the precious lost birth mother.
Getting simpler.
update.
I am wondering if all my blog posts for the next few months will be entitled "updates"? It seems I am lacking the time and heart energy to devote myself to blogging temporarily due to the great needs that are surrounding me. This is good. Oh so good. I tend to be a self focused person, so focusing on the needs of others (i.e. training my children, homeschooilng, trying to find a way to take care of the basic human needs of "Sandy") is what God knew I needed. Sometimes I lack showing any good fruit that the Lord has to trans-plant a bud right there on my branch so all I have to do is watch it grow.
So the update is the birth mom is still being denied so much of what she needs to live even a decent quality of life. I have been praying for help for her, as I am aware there is only so much I can physically do. I prayed and God has brought some amazing people in answer to that prayer. My Mom has been deeply moved and very disturbed and Sandy's way of life. My mom has now generously decided to pay for a caregiver for Sandy. That took an ad in Craigslist and days and days of emails, sorting, phone calls, and decisions on who to pick. We picked a lovely woman who is going to love Sandy and take care of her basic needs. We are so excited she has someone there looking after her and making meals for her. Also several precious sister in Christ have bought her other child still living in her home some items for Christmas that I just know she will love. On top of that my home group has decided to have a huge garage sale in which all proceeds will go to helping Sandy. I am feeling blessed, so blessed to be able to take part in helping, and YET......there is still so much to be done. So much hopelessness I feel. But then I set my mind on Christ and know that he loves her and will provide. He always does. There are several other situations that I truly would love to share now, but just cannot until I talk about them with her. Just be in prayer for our family. We have a lot of BIG decisions that need to be made. A lot that depend on God deciding, NOT US. Until then we are greatly looking forward to the arrival of our precious new son Ethan. We cannot wait to hold him! So far he is still alive and we are so very grateful for that. He is a miracle!
Prayers:
Transportation for Sandy to get to doctors appointments (I cannot lift her and I don't have a wheelchair accessible van)
Decisions for Jake and I involving our family.
Health and safety for my children, myself, my husband, Sandy and Ethan.
until then.
And the winners are....
I did a very scientific drawing tonight (I wrote everyone's name on a post it note, folded them, and my husband drew them out of the palm of my hand), and the two winners of my first ever book giveaway are....
Becky and Christen! I am so excited for you ladies and I know you will LOVE THIS BOOK! May God speak to you on behalf of the orphans through it!
Adopted for Life....and an update :-)
Update first: "Sandy" (the Birth Mother) is doing better, she had several blood transfusions, and many more other medical complications that happened, and are still happening, but she is alive. For that I am so very grateful. I went to visit her a few days ago, and I knew God was calling me to just sit with her and be her friend for a bit. We talked, but mostly I listened. God has overwhelmed my soul with compassion for this woman. I cannot even begin to fathom what it is like to be in her shoes. To be homebound and in her thirties, is something that is devastating for her. But the hardest part is her children. She loves them so. Several are in different homes because she cannot care for them, all of whom she misses and loves terribly. Now this precious little Ethan, whom she cannot keep or care for, is breaking her heart. She tries to hide it and puts on the biggest bravest front. She says she wont let herself get attached. She says if she does it will crush her so she convinces herself that she is not attached. I was with her during her ultrasound and I can tell you......She is already attached. I know she cannot admit what that would mean for her. Could I, if it were me? My heart cries to make her life better. How? I ask God this often as of late. Sometimes He says to go visit her, sometimes he says "buy her a sweater", but mostly He says to "love". Love. Love is God and Love transcends all this mess of a world we live in. Pray for me as I continue to focus on God's love for me and the Grace that has been given to me through Christ, so that out of that, love can flow through me to the precious fertile ground that is this woman's heart. Pray also, as I have asked from the beginning, for her health and the health of the precious little baby Ethan, my son. She is truly a "high risk" pregnancy, and it is a miracle of God little Ethan has hung in this long.
Take care of......her?
As I wrote in the previous post, I was being allowed by the birth mother *Sandy*, to join her at her doctors appointment. The plan was, that Jake and I would meet them ( the birth father would be joining us as well) somewhere for lunch, then we would head out to the doctor appointment, while the birth father went home. The birth father called us the day before we were supposed to go up there and said that Sandy was not "doing well" and was wondering if we could pick up lunch and bring it to the house instead of going out to eat. I said absolutely and agreed to meet them out their house (they are roommate's, and not in a relationship with one another).
I can tell you that nothing prepared me for what I would face that day. So many things, just due to the privacy of the birth mom, I cannot share with you. The other things I will share with you and how they are affecting me.......for the better. God always has a lesson in mind when bringing you to challenging things!
First, as I said, I cannot give all of the details that cause me the most concern, but I can tell you that when I saw her my first thought was "death". She looked like death. It was lingering over her and around her, waiting to sink in it's teeth. Only God is holding it back. She is in much worse condition than I knew, and I think, more than she knows. She has MS and is in a wheel chair due to both the MS and her two broken legs, both of which have no function and are healing in non natural positions. There are other factors contributing to her failing health as well.
I conversed with her for over and hour, which was a bit hard for her, as she struggles to maintain a good flow of breath while talking. I cut her food up for her, as she cannot do it herself. There was so many things that went through my mind during that hour wait to leave for the doctors visit. One thing was a question that would not go away........"who is taking care of you Sandy?". I did not say this out loud. As I know who she "thinks" is taking care of her. My heart broke for her situation. Soon came time to leave. We rolled her outside to our van and my husband lifted her and put her in. It took much effort, but my husband is strong (she is very thin, but is 6 feet tall and 27 weeks pregnant) and we got her in without too much trouble.
We talked all the way to the hospital about mostly small and unimportant things. I want to reach across and hug her, yet, I know this is not something she is comfortable with...yet. So we chit chat as all women who barely know each other do.
We get in the hospital/medical building and wait at her doctors appointment. We get called back, and although she welcomes Jake along, he politely declines and says he will wait in the waiting room. I happily go in with her. The doc comes in, says hi, listen's to the heart beat, says the beat sounds great, says she is due for an ultrasound and can get one today (my heart beats happily at the sound of that) and then he says " Sandy, I would like you to see a Perinatologist. Just with you having.....other...ummm.... health issues, I think it's best you been seen by a Perinatologist. We have a great one here at the hospital and they can set you up with an appointment with him. OK?" She says "sure OK" and we roll out to the front desk to make the appointment. The appointment itself lasted a whole 3 minutes.
I am thinking to myself "Wow, I am really glad they are scheduling her with a specialist for high risk pregnancies, but how is it that this woman can be coming to this doctor monthly, be 27 and a half weeks along, be in this bad of shape and JUST NOW, be being referred to a specialist?? I am no expert, but that seems grossly neglectful. Oh and it get's worse.
We go to the front and they schedule her with her same OB for the next appointment 1 month from then, and say's to go have a seat while they try and find the Perinatologist's schedule. We roll back into the waiting room and talk some more. That's when she opens up a little about why she didn't have an abortion (I don't know exactly how we got on the topic of abortion, but it just came up I think after I said that I thought she was brave). She said "Well what was I going do? I cannot even hold a baby in my arms. I can't take care of a baby physically. And I know *Sam* can't either with his MS. What was I going to do? Have an abortion? I wouldn't do that. I am not a Christian but I know the Bible says not to murder, so I am not going to murder, and that is what abortion is." All I am thinking during this is "God's word does not return void!!!!!" His WORD is affecting an unbelieving woman in order to spare the precious life of this sweet son of mine. God is so good.
They call us back for the ultrasound. We roll in and are barely able to make the turns in the office with the wheelchair. What kind of hospital is barely wheelchair accessible? Moving along. We get into the room and the nurses look at us, look at her in the wheelchair, and tell us to lift her on to the very high table. They offer no help whatsoever and I know why......She smells. She hasn't been bathed in a long time, and no one is washing her clothes. So my husband lifts her and with my help, we get her up. I keep asking myself "what would these "nurses" do if we weren't there? What is it like for her when she goes alone or with Sam, who can barely lift her at all?"
The ultrasound goes along well and we all smile as we see the cutest little black and white image of a face. We see his perfect lips, eyes, nose, head, chin, and beautiful beating heart. We then once again, unassisted by nurses, lift her down into her chair, choking down the vomit that wants to rise due to the smell that is coming off of her clothes. We then roll her to the front of the office and try again to arrange the appointment with the specialist. As we come up, the doctor calls us back into his office, which is weird because he said goodbye and everything before and said "see you in 4 weeks". We go into his office with her and he says "I just got off the phone with my Chairman and we believe it is in your best interest to go elsewhere for your care" At this point I am slightly agreeing with this man, as I believe they are not really all that concerned about this precious, very sick woman. He then says he thinks she should go to a hospital 57 miles away. Which in Southern California is like and hour and a half without traffic and 2 or more with traffic. She says "well I have no way of getting there.", at which he shakes his head and gives a "well I don't know what to do about this" look. I look at him and say "well she takes the bus to get here and this is only 2 miles down the road. I don't think the bus will take her there. I would drive her but I live and hour and a half away in the other direction, and I can't lift her by myself. Maybe we can if my husband can get off work, but that would be hit and miss" I look at her and say "Are you OK with this, I mean, that is really far?". The doctor then gets up before she can answer and says "well see me in four weeks and we will talk about it some more." He walks out, we roll out and go again to the front desk to make an appointment with the Perinatologist. The nurse says, "Oh I thought you were going to another hospital?", we say no, not yet, she hasn't decided. To which she says "oh....well.....I'll call you if the doctor says you really need to see the perinatologist after all".
I told you it got worse. I truly am not attacking the character of any of these doctors or nurses, but it was really hard to see her be "swept under the rug" so to speak. We left and while wheeling her through the parking lot she says that she knows why the chairman want's her gone. "Do you know who the chairman is?" I ask. She answers "Yeah, she is the one who was trying to force me to have an abortion with my last child,(which was years and years ago) and I don't think she likes me because I told her that I would never do it".
Goodness. *sigh*
So we leave and I ask her to tell me if there is anything she needs before we take her home. Does she need to mail a letter, run and errand, does she need groceries, is she hungry? She says, she would love to go to Starbucks and get a Caramel Frappuccino. We can do that. So we run to Starbucks and pick it up and drive her home.
We pull into the drive, and she says to hold on because she wants to give me something. She gives me coupons for food and formula (she is so sweetly and preciously wanting to help take care of her son) and then hands me an old worn infant pajama outfit from her closet. She says "all my children wore this, and he will need it to keep him warm, you know he is being born in such a cold season".
That's it. My heart is broken. I am ruined. If I ever wondered before at what cost adoption takes place, I know a bit of it now. We wave goodbye and I cry and process and pray all the way home. Jake and I come to the conclusion that something needs to change for her. Someone needs to help her. Those people are us. The doctors are letting her slip through the cracks, her caregiver is not giving care, and she is slowly slipping away. Every person who should have been protecting her has let her down. I vow then and there that I won't. But God, why? Why is it so complicated? Why do I have to care? Why does this have to be so heartbreaking, and hard, and........smelly......and .......dirty?
Because Valerie, I didn't just call you to adopt a baby, I called you to care for the least of these. That command stands......... always.
He whispers truth, and I know what he means. I must do whatever I can to bring her love, and care and comfort. With God, I will.
I was wrecked for her that whole night, and all the next day. I was on the phone all day with transits trying to see if we can find her transportation to the better hospitals. NONE. No one will take her that far. Not one.
The good news:
~God moved so deeply in my moms heart at the plight of *Sandy*, that she has arranged for Sandy to have a personal assistant come in once weekly for 8 hours and clean the house, grocery shop, prepare meals, bathe her, wash her laundry, check on her bed sores, and change the bed linens. PRAISE JESUS!
~I have decided that I will do what ever is in my power to help her not feel alone. I called her and asked her permission to go to all her doctor appointments, regardless of how many, and be an advocate for her, fighting for her rights, and making sure no one ignores her or pushes her around. She happily agreed and that is the plan. She will be protected by me like a sister. Not just a "woman having my adopted son"
~My sweet and precious friends here at my church are all praying for her and have decided to have a huge garage sale and give all proceeds directly to Sandy.
~I was so worried about her dying because the doctors were not checking on her adequately, nor understanding the depth of her poor health. My fear was that she would either die at home soon, or go into labor and not know it (she feels nothing from the ribs down), possibly causing herself and the baby to die. But I received word yesterday from Sandy that she was in the hospital recovering from a blood transfusion and that she had been there a few days. I was so scared for her, but rejoicing that they were now being forced to look at her, run tests, and possibly refer her finally to the specialist. She is still there.
There are so many things that this is teaching me. First, handing over situations that I have no control over and not giving into worry. My sweet son, is in a situation I do not wish for him. He is being exposed to several prescription medications and his sweet momma is just so sick and stressed, I am not sure what nutrition if any he is receiving. But God loves her. And God lives Ethan. And God loves me. His will is perfect.
Be in prayer my sweet friends. Lift us all up and let God receive Glory!
Birth Mom.and doctor apt.
Tomorrow, my husband and I are taking lunch to the birth mother and father of our future son. This is far beyond anything I had imagined I would be doing in this journey. As so many of you know, I was researching and planning and on board with international adoption for sooooooo long that the thought of "birth mother" rarely crossed my mind. I thought "orphanage" and plenty of other words and scenarios, but birth mom? Not so much. But then things changed. God just abruptly picked us up off one path and deposited us on another.
I want to love her and show her that love with my actions, but how do I do that without....well.....freaking her out??
Truly, I don't know what it will be like to sit and have a meal at their house tomorrow. Will it be awkward? Maybe. Will I have a clue what I am doing? NO way. But I know God must guide us, to be for them, what we need to be. I just want to wrap my arms around her, yet I am so afraid. Afraid of what she might think or interpret, afraid I will push her away with my love. But here goes. We officially meet tomorrow. Following the meal I will go with her to her doctor appointment, and she will decide in the waiting room whether or not she wants me to go in the room with her. Pray for Jake and I. Pray for the birth Mother and Father. Here we go........
The Call.
So here's the good stuff.........
Thursday:
On Thursday afternoon I was watering my back yard and picking up dog poo (my life is super glamorous right?) when I heard my cell ring. I decided not to try and leap through the poo I was picking up in order to run and get it, so I ignored it. Luckily my daughter answered it. Next thing I knew, my sister (who was over visiting with me that day) was coming outside with my phone and said "Valerie, someone from Adoption Network is on the phone". My heart dropped.
"Don't get excited Valerie. Don't get excited! It's probably just a "check in" phone call" That's what I was telling myself as my sister walked towards me with the phone. Those 6 long steps it took her to get to me seemed like 6 miles.
"Hello, Valerie, this is Martha (name changed for privacy) from Adoption Network, and I think I have a possible match for you"
I was waiting for the surge of adrenalin. That heart racing type of excitement. At least a smile to cross my face. But still I held back. Held back my heart from this moment. Not wanting it to be crushed.
I said "OH, really, well tell me the situation"
She went on to describe a situation that broke my heart. I cannot reveal too many details about the birth mom's life, but I can tell you several things that stood out to me. One of them, was that she had five children already. That's when my mind when on "processing mode". I KNEW when I heard that, that she would change her mind. I just knew it. How can someone with 5 children place their sixth for adoption? I am not saying that in a judgmental tone, but a tone of compassion. I knew she was in a tough spot and I completely understood as to why she felt she needed to place this child for adoption. But in my heart at the time I thought "she is going to make this decision now, but she will take one look at that child and change her mind."
Then the worker for ANLC (adoption network law center) said the second thing that sent my mind reeling, she said both the mother and father have MS. "crap Valerie, think!!! what's MS??? what's MS???? It has to do with the nervous system I think. Is it genetic?? If it is, when will it effect the baby??"
After that the woman says "Oh and she lives in California about an hour and a half from you"
"WOW GOD, your amazing." That is specifically what I had been praying for. I knew the odds of getting a child in California were small. There is 50 states in this country and ANLC works in all of them. So we knew the odds were that we would probably have to go out of state. Which of course, I wouldn't mind, given the circumstances! A baby is a wonderful reason to travel :-) BUT, we also had heard stories of couples being stuck in states for almost a month after the baby was born due to the varying laws from state to state that regulate the taking of infants across state lines before all paperwork is completed. 4 weeks in a hotel is A LOT of money. Money we weren't sure we had. That's a lot of time also for my kids to be away. Anyhow, one night I just remembered that God says "You have not because you ask not", so I asked Him "Lord, I will be grateful for any child, but if it's possible, can the child be born in California?" And so He did, as I requested. He is so good.
So Martha for ANLC finally asked, after giving all the details she could at that time, if we would be willing to accept a child that has the possibility of one day having MS, and also a birth Father who wants visits and letters and pictures. I told her that my husband and I had already discussed whether or not we would accept a match to a child with disabilities or possible disabilities, and we had firmly come to the conclusion that we would. I told her that I was pretty certain that we would not turn this opportunity away, but that I had to quickly call my husband who had just landed in North Carolina for a business trip and let him know.
Still my heart held back a little.
I called my husband. Poor guy was surrounded by soldiers and could barely hear. He finally got to a quiet area of the room and I told him all that I knew. I told him my fears of the mother changing her mind, and my fears of the MS, but that I was 100% on board if he was. He said "I am absolutely on board. Remember Valerie, if she changes her mind then that is OK, we did not get into this to take a child, but adopt one who needs to be adopted." I love that man.
I called Martha back and told her. She said that she would now present our profile to the couple. The couple had not even picked us! Martha did. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this woman. We had a wonderful talk after that. Words I will treasure in my heart.
She then told me that after she showed our profile to this couple, that they would then approve us or not.
I had to wait until 9am the next day to find out.
Still my heart held back a little.
Friday:
She called at 9 in the morning saying that they really liked us and would be glad to be matched with us.
We then scheduled a conference call with my husband in North Carolina for that afternoon so she could give us all the info that she had on the Birth Mother and Birth Father. We went through that conference call and felt so much more excited after that call.
My heart opened up a bit more each day of that weekend.
Monday:
We had a phone conference with me and my husband in our room, Martha at her office at ANLC and the Birth Father and Birth Mother at their place. It was awkward at first, but then turned into one of the most amazing phone calls of my life. I cannot tell you how many miraculous things that God worked in that phone call. Needless to say, it went well. We were really really really worried that when they found out what crazy homeschooling Christians we were, that they would run in the opposite direction. So even though one is an Atheist and one practices Wicca, AND I gave my testimony over the phone, they still thought they would love to place their precious son in our lives. Amazing.
After this phone call I realized that I could let my heart hope and love this child. Regardless of what may come. After talking with her I believe it is unlikely she will keep the child.
The next step will be meeting the couple. We are driving up to their city on November 8th. I am super nervous but I know God's hand is in this all.
Prayer requests:
~That God will use me to show them the love of Christ, without hesitation.
~That the baby survives this very difficult pregnancy, as the mother is very disabled with her MS and wheel chair bound. She is six and a half months pregnant and still not showing. But she is receiving medical care.
~That my heart will love fully and accept whatever is to come.
~That Jake and I would be able to qualify and be selected for grants to help us pay off our adoption debts.
More to come soon!!!
It's a.......
Hello beautiful people. I just wanted to quickly update and say that after only 48 hours after our profile being put online, we were matched! However, I have to say, that our profile had nothing to do with it. The agency actually picked us for this couple. But more on that to come in another post. We are so very happy and excited about this news. We found out yesterday. I will write a longer post soon with more details but for now, I can say that God's hand is in this for sure!
Oh and by the way..................it's a ..............BOY! The babies due date is February 5th :-)
Be in prayer for us as a family, and for our witness to this precious couple. Pray that we would show them God's love. Pray for the safety of this precious boy.
What drives us?
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on the "decision" of adoption. For the past few weeks I have been battling (again) the fears of what may or may not come of all of this. I think to myself..
What if it all falls apart? What if we get matched and the mom changes her mind? What if they call us with a child with severe special needs? Will we walk in faith enough to choose to say YES to that situation? What if...............
But as with all things in my life over the past few months I have been choosing to not set my fears in front of me. What I mean by that is that they may float around in my head, but Christ will not let them settle in my heart. Still there are times where the mind goes a mile and minute, the heart starts to race, then..........
"Let it go Beloved, it was never your decision to begin with. It was mine. Give your burden to me"
Such sweet comforts our God whispers, does He not? And so again I let it go. Yet with all this thinking, heartache, money, worry, time, and waiting, I can't help but ask "What is driving us to do this?"
I know we have been asked on more than one occasion "Oh your adopting? Well that will be nice to have a baby in the house again. Three is really a nice number of children"
I can tell you right now definitively that "having a baby in the house" or having "three" children as opposed to our two, is NOT, I repeat NOT motivation enough for Jake and I to adopt. Don't get me wrong, adoption is precious, but Jake and I would have given up a long time ago if our motivation was as simple as that. No, lately as I wait, I know more than ever what drives us.
HIM.
He is the creator of all things, lover of all things, and protector of the helpless. What is more helpless than humans? What human is more helpless than a child?
It is His love that works itself in our hearts through His spirit to move us ever closer in this direction. I recently had the amazing privilege of hearing Katie Davis founder of Amazima ministries speak at a local church. She said something in a video they played before she came out to speak that has really stuck with me. She said that sometimes people tell her how lucky she is to know Gods plan for her life at such a young age. She said something along the lines of "Well I'm not "lucky". God's plan for everyone is in the Bible. It says in the Bible to love your neighbor as yourself. Well myself doesn't like to starve, so therefore I shouldn't want others to starve". Katie does more than help the starving people of Uganda. At 21 years of age she has also adopted 14 precious little girls that she is raising by herself.
I feel like that about adoption. My flesh wants to turn away from this whole process sometimes. I want to run back to our easy life of two independent older children. But my Spirit cries louder than my flesh. It cries out to nurture and care for those who have no family. Katie makes such an excellent point. If I am to love my neighbor as myself, well anyone who knows me knows that I hate to be lonely. Do I ever want any child to be without a family when I could be their family?
This is what drives us. When we are in the Word and in prayer, we know His will for our lives is to always live sacrificially. Something I know I have not lived. But I pray Christ will forgive me and help mold me into a person who lives for His glory and lives for my neighbor. Every time I want to give in to fear and quit on this whole process, the Spirit urges on softly...
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I want to care for the Orphan because He does.
I was once an Orphan as well. Yes, I had a Mother and Father, but I was as lost as an orphan could be. Then He came. Adopted me as his child, and my life has never been the same. I love how it is put in John 14:18 as Jesus is speaking to His Disciples "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
Praise God he has come for us! Let us then press forward and come for those who are also in need.
Making hand soap.
About a year ago a few good friends of mine and I got together and made bar soap. It was a wonderful time of learning, fellowship, and well....soap making! I felt slightly old fashioned and very frugal, both of which were good feelings :-) I still have that soap and sadly we are down to our last two bars. However, making the soap was a lot of work, and buying the initial ingredients wasn't super cheap either. But when I read that you can make your own liquid hand soap easy AND cheap, I was in! It really is one of the easiest things I have done. So, in the event that you might not yet be on the frugal, do-it-yourself bandwagon, here is something cheap and easy to get you started. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, this is wayyyyyyyyy healthier than the soap you buy in the store. This can be a completely natural soap with NO chemicals or parabans.
You first start with....
~ a bar of organic (or natural) Castille soap (trader joes, health food stores, even target carries these)
~ a small bottle of Glycerin (super easy to find. I bought mine at CVS)
~ scented oil of your choice (or tea tree oil for its anti-bacterial properties.) OR no oil at all. It is not required for the soap.
As you can see in my picture above, I have a bar of soap, a cheese grater, two small containers for oil and my Glycerin. The two small green bowls holds my Tea Tree oil and Jojoba oil.
Next you grate. And grate. And grate. And grate. When you feel your hands and muscles burn like fire, then suck it up, call yourself a sissy and push on. Your usually only halfway done ;-)
After you grate you pour our grated soap in a pot
Then you cover it with water (a lot of people measure this out, but that's not my style, so I cannot remember how much water I used. Maybe 5 cups??)
Once you have sufficient amounts of water in there, then put it on your stove on low and stir occasionally until all the soap is melted. Mine even turned clear and I thought I had done something wrong like added too much water. I thought it would be gloppy or at least slightly thick. No. That happens over night. It actually turned out that I needed to add much more water than I did because mine became way too thick originally. If this happens to you then just put the soap back in the pot the next day, add more water, and heat on low again. Then let it set overnight and viola, perfect hand soap.
But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, the melting. So while you are starting the melting process and you notice that most, if not all, of your shavings have melted, then add your tablespoon of Glycerin and your oils if your using oils (I used around a teaspoon of each tea tree oil and jojoba oil).
When you are certain your soap has melted, allow mixture to cool down for about 30 minutes then pour into a container. I used a jar, but had I added the amount of water that I should have, which I later ended up doing, it would not have fit in the jar, so be prepared to pour it into something semi-large.
Lastly, let it sit overnight and thicken. When you check it the next day, if it is of desired consistency (kind of like egg whites or thicker), then grab your funnel and pour into old washed out hand soap bottles. I love seeing my new soap that I made for about less than a dollar a bottle, put into containers of hand soap that I bought for $4.50 a bottle. Have I mentioned before how I love the feeling of saving my hubster some money????
The end product should fill AT LEAST 3 bottles with some leftover (I probably could have filled four bottles but I didn't have a fourth bottle, so I had to stick the rest in a jar.
And there you have it.
Oh and by the way, just ignore those insane amounts of crumbs on my table. That was just a trick of photography. They're not really there ;-
Living with health issues.
I have so many blog posts that I have been wanting to write lately. It's kinda driving me crazy that I can't get on the computer more to get them out of my head and on to bloggy world. But every day I say "when I am done with this task I will hop on that computer and get that post written!" And yet, that task leads to another which leads to another which leads.....you guessed it...... to another! :-) But I am NOT complaining. I am joyous, and I will explain way. You see, I am blown away that I am even able to get "tasks" done. There was time, not very long ago, where I was lucky to get my self going each day, and was barely achieving my small goals of keeping the basics running. This was my life for a few years, but increasingly more so over the last 18 months. I will tell you in a moment how God is bringing healing into my life, in more ways than one. But first, I want to go into what it's like to deal with health issues, and to doubt God's goodness in the midst of it.
For the longest time I didn't know what was going on with me. I was noticing differences in my health, but was seeing it as several UN-related symptoms. As many of you know, over 3 years ago, my husband and I felt convicted, compelled, and convinced that we should leave the conceiving of children in His capable hands. We had the Vasectomy reversed and awaited the inevitable pregnancy. It never came. As we went through the first two years we assumed the vasectomy had failed. I became consumed with sadness. I so wanted to have new life in my womb, but none came. We finally went to the doctors to have the semen analysis done. The results......The reversal had worked.
"hmmmmmmm........ This is odd", I thought to myself. I was pretty sure I had two children without any sort of medical help already. How could it be me?? So the tests began. Nothing invasive really. An ultrasound, some blood tests, a dye test. That's when I was diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I couldn't have more misunderstood this diagnosis. I was assured by the doctor that this was a minor thing. That likely one day with some medical intervention we would be able to conceive.
Wait, what was that word? "Medical Intervention"? Oh no. We had sort of handed that area of control over to God. Does it go both ways???? Do we let Him decide How many more and also IF we have more?
I talked to my husband that night. He assured me that for him, it did go both ways. We accept it if he gives us "too many" (as we sometimes feared in the beginning) and we accept it if he gives us no more at all.
I can't say that I fully agreed at the time, but I submitted.
I now had a "diagnosis", but still, nothing made sense. My diagnosis was just.....well....a diagnosis. What was that going to do for me? It didn't tell me WHAT was wrong with me. It didn't tell me what I could do about it either. Getting a PCOS diagnosis was like getting told "we're not quite sure what's wrong with you, what caused it, or how bad it will get. We only now it's not good, and it will get progressively worse with age." yay :-/
Over the next year and a half I would gain 50 pounds, have my face wrinkle, grow facial hair, be tired every single day, crave sugar like a heroin addict, have mood swings, experience blood sugar spikes and severe drops, have heart palpitations every morning when I rise, hot flashes, night sweats, have my face cover itself in brown spots, headaches, joint pain, night time swelling of my arms and hands, and truly the list could go on. I think though I have communicated that overall, I did not feel well. I was stripped of my youthful energy, and my beauty. I am not even sure if I ever thought of myself as beautiful, but regardless of what I thought of myself before, I sure knew that I wasn't beautiful any longer. Dealing with the complete lack of energy was one of the harder symptoms. It was a torturous feeling to watch everything that needed to be done just sit there and not get done, knowing it would be waiting for me tomorrow. Only tomorrow, I wouldn't feel any different that today.
I watched my kids worry about me, and even become lazy for lack of direction and encouragment because I was just too tired or in too much pain to care. I received lectures and judgmental stares from family members and even my husband. I don't blame them really, for none of us really knew what was wrong with me. It's not like they could say "Oh poor Val, she has____(fill in blank with dreaded disease)__ " They would just look at me and say "Val you have to get this stuff done, your house is falling apart the kids are falling behind in school". You just need to pick yourself up by the boot straps and march on. It broke my heart.
For the first time in years my infertility, which had been at the forefront of my thoughts, now took the back seat.
What was wrong with me, I am only in my twenties???I would scream this at first at myself. In my head. Then after of months of praying for healing, I began to yell that at God. I was careful not to let anyone see that pain. I would try and smile around others and wait until I was alone in the shower or driving by myself to the store and then I would unleash it. My own painful dialog would go something like this....
"God, you can heal me, why don't you!!!????"
"Dang it. I'm sorry Lord, that was uncalled for. Maybe I am having another hormonal mood swing. I think I have been getting a lot of those lately."
"Wait a second, you caused me to be this way! If you didn't want me to feel sad and angry and out of control, why did you do this to me?"
"Dang it. I'm sorry again"
"I am just so angry God! Why were you not content to take away my ability to have children? Why did you take my health, my vitality, and by beauty as well??"
All I can tell you is that during those dark months I received a lot of interesting stares from fellow drivers on the road. I can't tell you how many times I have cried and yelled in my car only to look over at a red light and wish really really really badly that I had tinted windows.
Eventually I handed over the infertility. I gave it to God, and asked forgiveness for ever giving it such a high place in my life. I still asked that he would return my fertility one day to what it used to be, but I was content to leave God in control. I even, slow as it was, was brought to the point where I had to become content with my poor health (not to mention saggy boobs and growing mid-section).
I knew if I let this anger consume me I would loose my faith. I would loose everything. I knew my faith was weak, and small, but I still had faith. I knew God was in control, I knew God sent His Son for me. I knew he had forgiven me so much. I knew I was truly blessed. I knew I had no right to be angry at God.
But still I doubted his character and goodness.
I stayed in the word daily but nothing touched my heart as it had before. I kept praying but instead of my prayers drifting to Heaven like incense, they stopped at the ceiling. It had to change.
Slowly but determinedly, I turned my heart back towards God (or maybe HE turned my heart back towards Him). I acknowledged my sin before him, repented, and once again accepted His FULL and gracious forgiveness.
That was the best thing to happen to me in a long long time.
I am now on the road to healing. In more ways than one. First I began to focus my heart on Christ and heavenly things, not on earthly temporal things. Then I began to learn my habits of "blame when pained"(as I like to call it), I prayed often for God's help in the process and still do. Following my change in my relationship with God, I began to seek out better medical help and better answers.
I now understand so much more about my body than I ever thought that I would. After 6 doctors I now see a very knowledgeable doctor who is an MD but also has her degree and licensing in Naturopathy. She has reviewed all my blood tests, and all my samples, and all my symptoms and is helping me find out what exactly is going wrong and what I can do to treat it. It was great to have a doctor spend more than 7 minutes with me and also know what the tests mean.
For one, I have severe hormonal imbalances. When I say severe I mean very very bad. I am also insulin resistant (caused by the hormonal imbalance), have adrenal fatigue, and my thyroid is not working properly.
So here are some things I am doing to help my health,
I am taking natural (not synthetic) Hormone replacements
I am taking a natural Thyroid
I am taking Vitamin D (which I am also severely deficient in)
I drink water first thing in the morning every morning with lemon in it (helps the liver, which in turn helps the Adrenal gland)
I am taking 4 capsules of good quality Fish oil (helps the hormones and thyroid)
I am walking daily
I am not eating refined sugar and have severely limited any other sugars like honey.
Since being on the natural hormone replacements, and vitamins, I have stopped gaining weight for the first time in a year and a half. In addition to not gaining weight I have also lost 5 pounds. The biggest difference I have noticed is my energy. It is amazing to have energy again! I still have a few days here and there where my energy wipes out but it usually only lasts an hour whereas before it would last for 4 hours or more. I just feel overall so much better. The swelling at night has also gone down, my hot flashes are few and far between and I am becoming so much more productive. It has been so great. I can't tell you what a treat it is to get up and have a 1000 things to do and know I just might be able to get them done, or at least try!
Most importantly, by the Grace of God, I am learning to lean on and Trust Him in all things. I am breaking bad habits daily and tearing down walls of doubt.
What I have learned through all this will carry with me for a long time. Top three...
1)Never take for granted your health or fertility. It is NOT guaranteed to always be there, so be grateful while you do have it.
2)God is good. All the time. When we view Him as anything else every trial is a double trial. It is too hard to go through a trial and doubt His goodness at the same time. Nor is it right.
3)There are seasons in life. There is a time for everything under the sun. Yes some things last a lifetime. But a lot of the time if you hold fast with perseverance and patience the reward is great when the trial is over. I wish to God I had persevered with patience and faith. I did not. I still have wounds from those dark times and very bad habits that the Lord is still weeding out of me due to my lack of patience and lack of trust in Him.
I realize that I have once again been very honest in my blog post. And that lends me open to some criticism I am sure. I realize I was vain to complain about beauty, I realize I should have been glad that it was me and not my children suffering (as that would have been much much worse) , I realize a lot of things. But I also know that some people are going through things similar and they need to know that God is faithful. And they also need to know that they are not alone, and that they are not the only ones who think those thoughts and who doubt. I want to offer encouragement through my honesty and also stand as a monument that screams "Do not waste you time blaming God! Turn to him for love and comfort and you will be comforted! Do not give in to anger, it will poison your life."
If anyone would like to talk to me personally about any of this, or just need a listening ear for anything you are going through. I am here. Just email me at sgtswife03@yahoo.com.
No baby....yet.
We are still waiting. Don't worry, I will let everyone know as soon as we get "the call". We are very very excited for that day. And yet, as excited as I am, I am glad it has not happened yet. I have so much to do! I am totally nesting. I never believed that you could "nest" when you weren't pregnant, but I am nesting for sure! I am trying to get everything ready. The call can come any day.
The List.....
~swing by my brother and sister-in-law's storage to pick their baby stuff left over from the twins------check
~pick up the crib from my sweet friend Anh-------check
~clean and wash the bassinet that I got off Craigslist-------check
~organize Ireland's room to make room for baby-------check
Still to do....
~figure out which kind of cloth diapers to use (there's so many choices!!)
~get cloth diapers and formula
~find some uni-sex baby outfits (poor child has NO CLOTHES yet in this house)
~pray for God to prepare my heart with patience and love, gentleness and self control
~get the house in order
~make freezer meals
~be sure to get homeschooling in order so things will run smoothly when baby comes.
~jump up and down and shout praises to the Lord for all the kindness He has shown to us :-)
Update....again.
I think you will be getting a lot of these in the next few weeks and months. As most of you know we just shifted from a very slow international adoption process to a very quick domestic adoption process. We JUST today found out that our current international agency that we have been working with, has agreed to convert our home study from international to domestic. This is huge. We were hopeful in the beginning that they would convert it, but the more we talked to the agency, the more it looked like they would not do it for us. This was told to us by four separate individuals who worked in the agency. My husband looked at me and said "babe, if they won't do it, then we cannot afford to do another homestudy and we will just have to take it as a sign from God that we are to wait longer to adopt and stick with international." Which would mean dropping from South Korea (as we know regardless of which adoption we do, is not a good idea at the moment due to the countries threats of closing the program) and waiting until we qualify for China special needs. My heart sunk. After waiting years just to get to a point to be so close, it hurt to think of having to wait longer. I prayed. Then I finally go a hold of the director of our agency (who happens to sincerely dis-like us :-), and she told me today that she would convert our homestudy........... FOR FREE........ THIS WEEK. It was a MIRACLE. I could say a lot more, but I don't want to put down the agency. Let's just say it was clearly the work of God. Sooooooo the plan is, get the 5% loan we have agreed to get, turn in our money and paperwork to the domestic agency Friday, put together our profile in two weeks, and probably adopt shortly thereafter. I can't believe how fast this is all going. I wouldn't be so excited for the quickness of it all had the lady not told me to prepare to get a child very quickly due to our openness on race and other issues. I was prepared to wait long, and was fine with that. But it is true. So we wait and see. I am picking up my nephews infant carseat that he has outgrown tomorrow, along with some miscellaneous baby things. I have to say, having a 10 and 7 year old sure makes you look around and realize that you have almost nothing for a baby. This should be fun collecting little pieces here and there from friends and family. P.S. if anyone has any good ideas on fund raising to pay off adoption loans, pleas let me know! :-)
updates, updates, updates.
I find it odd and sort of funny that I am in a stage in life that things are changing so much that I am constantly having to update friends and family on the craziness that we call "our life". But I love it anyhow. Apparently God must think I don't like things to be predictable (or he knows I do and likes to throw me for a loop....one of the two ;-) Tonight I will focus the update on the adoption. Later, when I get back from Northern California, I will update the rest of our crazy life and then would love to go back to some topical blogging, The adoption is moving forward, but in a new direction. We received our finalized copy of our Home Study in the mail today ~yay~ and have thus far completed everything needed to move forward in this process. However there is one thing standing in our way. That one thing happens to be very very large. Yup, it's the country of Korea itself. We believe completely that they are shutting down the international adoption program. And rightfully so. They are not a third world county, and have reached the point where they can sustain their own adoptions domestically. They have been talking about this for a few years I guess, but we only knew about it a month after we signed on to adopt from there. Our agency did not tell us anything about it. At all. Not a word. You get my drift. We would soon find out however how truly serious this was. Phone calls to the agency brought no news, they said only "Korea has been threatening this for years, it's not really anything to be concerned about." I believed them.....at first. Now we are getting email updates weekly, about what other families (who are much farther along in the process) are going through. Huge delays (some delays are always to be expected in the adoption process but these were massive), and threats to shut down the whole program. There is much much more to it than that, some of which we are not privileged to discuss, but after much consideration we have decided it is not in anyone's best interest to invest 2 more years, thousands of dollars, and our hearts, to a program that will more than likely shut down right before we are able to actually finalize an adoption from there. We then looked into other countries that our agency offers, and for one reason or another we are not able to do the few they have to offer (several countries are going Hague at the moment and others are having in country turmoil and therefore are temporarily suspended). So we started calling around to other agencies who offered different countries to see if we could switch over to them. I called 6 agencies and every one of them told me that although our home study was just completed, is fully accredited, and legal for use, they would not take our home study as it is their policy to do "their own home studies". As I was calling around and hearing this heartbreaking news, knowing we could not afford to pay for another homestudy only 2 months after paying for the recent one, my heart sank. Then I remembered seeing this adoption agency as I drove down the freeway to see my doctor. I thought for a moment and remembered the name listed on the building. I googled them, gave them a call and asked, without expecting a "yes", if they would take my home study. They asked if it was accredited, I said yes, and they said YES! I told them how wonderful that was and how happy I was to hear that. I then asked "What country programs do you offer for adoptions?". She said "Oh, we don't do international, only domestic." My heart sunk. We had never even considered domestic adoption, and I wasn't sure I was ready to consider it now. I got to talking to the kind lady though and we ended up talking for an hour. I let her know the situation with Korea, our situation with not qualifying for several countries due to age, or travel time or several other reasons. She asked me to come by a week later to come talk about the domestic adoption process and see if I really understood it. I agreed, talked it over with my husband, and went to the meeting a few days ago. We had TONS of questions and they answered them all honestly and openly. We discovered a lot of things we thought wrongly about domestic adoption. For one, we believed that domestic adoption in America was for the rich. Why we thought this, I have no idea. It will end up costing around 10-15 thousand dollars LESS than our Korean adoption would have cost. Secondly, knowing adoption is about so much more than money, we wanted to ask if there was really even a need for us. We had always heard that there was like a 7 year wait list for a baby in America. We assumed that there were all these people who could not have children and only wanted a baby, and wanted one .....well.....primarily white. And since my husband and I were open to children up to 5 and were completely comfortable with children of all the beautiful skin shades of this world, we thought the obvious, and only choice was to do international adoption. The lady informed me that although there are a lot of people wanting to adopt in America, most of them want a healthy, Caucasian newborn, born to a mother with a good medical history. She informed us that there were very few couples who crossed their desks open to children of all races, and of backgrounds with some unknowns. We filled out a questionnaire that asked questions about the baby you would like to adopt. Questions like "what race are you open to?", "would you be willing to adopt a child that is the result of rape?", "do you want a boy or a girl?" . When we answered that we were open to a child of any race, either a boy or girl, and that we were not all that concerned about a child's mothers background, the lady almost teared up. I could not believe her reaction. My thoughts were "How many people are seriously not open to these things??". She answered my unspoken thought the next moment. She said that these were the kind of questionnaires they frame in their office. Jake and I looked at each other thinking "your kidding, right?" We are no hero. We are not even good most of the time. We are selfish, lazy sinners being transformed daily by the power of God and relying on HIS grace to get through each day without falling back into old patterns of sin. BUT, we know the value of a child. That value is not changed by circumstance, color, gender, or abilities. Sooo we told her we were interested and talked about how to start. Here's the crazy part. After we talked about which things to do to get this thing rolling she then said "Normally I ask my clients to get in this paperwork as soon as possible. The sooner your paper work gets on file and your profile gets put out there, the sooner you get matched. BUT since you guys are open to so many variables I would say to hold onto your paperwork until you are absolutely ready to bring home a baby." She said we could be matched within days of posting a profile. W O W. So here we are. Doing a domestic adoption. I never would have thought. Now having said all that, our hopes for helping the least of these are not ending with this adoption. There are so many children in countries sitting in orphanages waiting, that we could not leave it at this. Even though all plans made by man are subject to change, our goal is to adopt a precious baby domestically in America now. Then by the time that child is around 1, my husband and I will BOTH be 30 and will have been married 10 years (two setbacks that work against us with several countries). We hope to then continue our heart for adoption internationally. We should then qualify for several more countries. There's your update. Who would have thought I was going to write a book tonight? sheesh! Other updates to follow soon. Until then, we are off to Northern California for our second vacation in almost 10 years of marriage! We are excited and ready for this break :-)
Makin' Some Jam.
Although I recently gave up sugar (mostly refined sugar: sucrose. still working on giving up the other sugars) and can no longer partake of these beautiful jars of goodness, I am still proud of it. It was a fun time making it. I have a fig tree so it cost me very little to make this. It was yummy! A little on the sweet side for because I forgot to buy the low sugar pectin so I could sweeten the Jam with juice. So I had to add the sugar. It was soooo good on toast in the morning. Since I can no longer enjoy these, I am going to give them away as gifts. Do you all make Jam?
Irelands TEN!
What an amazing week this has been! Ireland, my sweet firstborn turned ten. First she had a tea party with a few of her best girlfriends from church( a big girl one, with mom as hostess/waitress). And then a few days later, on her actual birthday we had a celebration with all our family. That may happen often with many of you, but to us it was a big deal. Jake and I moved away from family when Ireland was only 4 months old. We have been back to visit, and even lived back in California for very short periods throughout these past ten years. But this has been the first time in a long time that all her family (mine and Jake's) has all been together to celebrate her birthday. What a special time it was. Here are some pictures of the tea party, and family birthday party.
The tea party...
And the birthday party...
Going Green?
Recently I have been super inspired by one of my favorite bloggers ( Celee at Miscellaneous Musings) to share what we're doing to go "green". Let me clarify what I believe going Green means. I believe God gave us a beautiful creation, a creation marred by floods and sin, but a creation none the less. He gave us a duty to work and keep the land and animals, therefore I believe in being GREAT managers of that. I completely reject the modern concept of "saving Mother Earth", and also reject all forms of "green movements" that put animals, insects, or land ahead of the lives and safety of humans (notice I said safety, not convenience).
But I am convinced that as we do our best to be resourceful and good stewards of what God has given us, that we will not only shine our light to others, but we will live better, healthier lives.
Having said all of that, here are some very small steps my family and I make to be good stewards of God's creation.....
First, we recycle. We recycle most plastics, glass, and cardboard materials (we also do this for money because every little bit counts ;-). We even recycle foil for money!
Secondly, we practice a "re-using" style of recycling. Here are some ways I am doing this.....
I am trying to use less and less paper towels so, on top of the cloth napkins we already own, I am planning to sew more from this old long pillow sheet, pictured below.
Also, here you can see my homemade BBQ sauce that I am storing in a "recycled" peanut jar.(you save money and at the same time help Creation by not adding more production and waste)
And again, below pictures how I am re-using a plastic butter container for storing more food in the fridge. (never put very hot food or liquids however in most plastics as they can leak chemicals into your food)
One more Re-using idea is simple window coverings. I took two yellow pillowcases that we are no longer using in my sons room, and made them into curtains for my kitchen window. It was an odd shaped window and these fit just perfectly! I am not expecting you to put these in the rooms you entertain the most in, but I think they are perfectly acceptable in a kitchen, bathroom, sun room, or laundry room. The best part is you do not need to be good at sewing! I am not a very good sewer by any means, buy most of us can sew a straight line and make a seam. That is pretty much all I did here. Then I tied them back with some ribbon I had in my ribbon drawer. Like I said these aren't award winners, but they are very functional. I use them frequently at night due to the fact that my kitchen window faces the street (well that, and I happen to do dishes late at night in my pajamas, just sayin')
Air purification. This is something I might file more under the category of saving money, but you could make the case that you are also saving a LOT of plastic and production by skipping the expensive air purifier and buying special plants that Nasa has proven purify your house air almost as good (and in some cases better). Here are a few I picked up at the local nursery free with a coupon. I plan on getting more because only one of these was on the list.
Lastly, buy used. I know not everything can be bought(or should be) used, but there are definitely quite a few things you can. And you don't have to be one of those spectacular, trash to treasure, shabby chic women either. Here is a picture of an old dresser (I think that's what it was, although it seems a bit on the short side) that my husband and I bought at the Salvation Army for 10 dollars. We painted it white, and left the old knobs on instead of buying new ones. We put it in our son's room to hold all his legos. He loves it! It stores beautifully, and we couldn't be more happy with our purchase.
