And then God changed everything....part 3

Part 1
Part 2

So as we waited for Tuesday to arrive, we continued to wait on news from the foster to adopt agency, or from the Lawyer in San Diego.  Neither came by Tuesday morning, so we brought our homestudy, our paperwork, and our check to the Adoption Agency to proceed with this new plan.  We went in, had our meeting, asked some questions, thought a bit more, and dove in.  Then the woman doing the meeting, whom we had not met before in our meetings there with precious adoption of Ethan's, asked who our worker was who matched us with Ethan.  We told her and she said "Oh, she's here, do you want to meet her?"  We said "Of Course!".  A few minutes later the precious woman, *Susan, came in the room.  I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her, and the memories of all our phone calls and prayers over the phone came flooding back to me.  She was such an encouragement to me with Ethan's crazy beautiful adoption.  So after hugging and gushing memories, and introducing her to the kids, she asked "So you're adopting again?".  We said yes, and beamed with new excitement.  Excitement we hadn't felt in a long while.  The other woman in the room, the Lawyer, said, "Oh they are totally ready.  The homestudy is done, they paid their first deposit, they finished the paperwork, they are ready."  Then Susan asked "So you're ready ready? I mean totally ready?"  I answered, "Yep, we are ready!  I mean we have to get things organized and stuff, but we are ready".  Thinking in my mind she is asking like, is our house ready, or are we emotionally ready.  But then she said it.  The eight words that rocked my world..... she said "Because I have a birth mother for you".  I stood stunned for a second.  Sinking in deep what she had really just said.  I literally stood silent for what seemed like an eternity.  It was probably only a few seconds, but I felt like time had slowed.  Did she really just say what I think she said?  I knew they said it would be a quick thing, but 20 minutes after signing the papers???   The same DAY we decided to do this??  I looked at her and asked "Are you serious?"  She said, "Yes, I am.  I am looking for a match for a sweet precious African American woman in Georgia.  She is due in 8 weeks!".  Then Susan said "I will be right back!" and ran and got the file that was sitting on her desk.  We learned more about the birth mother, but new already our answer was yes.  How could it not be?

We did ask some questions like "Are you sure she  is OK with placing her baby with a white family?" and things like that.  She said she would send our file to the Birth Mother and find out her answer soon.  So we waited (ahhhhh waiting......that is adoptions middle name).  We waited a few days and found out she said yes to us.

We praise God for bringing this situation.  For the life of this precious boy.  For the life of his momma and his three brothers.  We know that although we have already talked to this woman and fallen in love with her, and even though we text with her fairly consistently, that this might all not work out.  We could drive to Georgia, and she could change her mind.  She could be changing her mind right now, for all we know.  There are no guarantees in adoption.  We could hold, snuggle, love, feed and praise God for our sweet baby when he is born, and have him for days and someone could still call us up one day, and say, I am sorry, we have to come take the baby now, she wants him back.  And not only would we have to accept that, but we would know she is completely within her rights to do that.  We do not know the future, but we press on towards our plans to drive to Georgia and await the birth of our son.  Will he be healthy?  Will we get to hold him right away, or will we have to wait for a days?  Will she change her mind?  Will she be OK?  None of this is answered in advance for us.  We walk by faith, and not by sight.  We press on, knowing that God is good, and not matter what happens, He saw it before hand and will walk us through it.  I have little confidence in this world, but I have TRUST in my God.  He will be with me.  HE will walk this road with us, as scary and as exciting as it may be, we are not alone.

I'll keep you updated :-)   In the meantime.......would you prayerfully consider helping with the overwhelming financial costs of this adoption?  The program was discounted, praise God, but the interstate adoption agencies and paperwork is NOT.  The travel for us is working out to be quite expensive as well, seeing that we must remain in Georgia for close to a week or longer to wait for the ICPC to be released from Georgia to California, and be accepted by California.  ICPC is a paper that must be received and signed by both state agencies before we can leave Georgia.  This paper alone by the way costs $1000.  Just one piece of paper. 

Some ways to give:
 ~ One way is to buy our fundraising necklace from the Jubilees Jewels .  Our fundraising necklace is called "Every good gift..."  taken from the scripture verse James 1:17
~Another way to give with just one click at our fundraising site on adopttogether.org  which is..
https://www.adopttogether.org/esparzafamily/
~And lastly, if you are crafty, you can donate to our Craft sale!  Do you enjoy making Pinterest creations?  Do you sew, knit, crochet, paint, or make anything else cool that someone might buy?  If so you can message me at sgtswife03@yahoo.com for my address and send me something to sell at my Fundraising sale coming up on Saturday August 3rd.

Thank you so much for your emotional, physical, prayerful, and financial support!

And then God changed everything....part 2

Click here for Part 1

   So here we were, knowing that God had provided a family for this little guy. We were so very glad for him. We even found out later that he went to the wonderful home of a woman in our Christian homeschooling community.  Oh how God is so good.
   But what was God doing?  Was this just a fluke incident, or was God again moving us in a different direction, the way He did with Ethan's adoption?  We really felt He just wanted us to be open.  Open to anything, and to trust Him for the end result.  While these thoughts were fresh on the mind, I opened my email, not more than a few days after hearing that we were not chosen for the sweet Down's baby in LA, to see another email from the lawyer in LA.  He stated that a colleague of his had called him that morning about a baby in San Diego whose mother had been on Methamphetamines.  He asked if we would like our profile sent to them in San Diego to be considered for that baby, and that he would send the file to them as a courtesy to us with no charge.  I called my husband at work, and read the email to him.  He was having an awful day, and was in a lot of pain (pain that lingers still from his back surgery last year).  He didn't like the wording of the email, and wasn't sure at all what that kind of a drug might do to a baby.  He was frustrated that it sounded like they were acting as if it was a "courtesy" to find a family for a baby.  So he quickly said,"No. Just tell him no. We're doing an older child adoption through the county.  This wasn't in our plans.".  I did as he said.  It broke my heart to write it, but I wasn't going to argue, If he wasn't on board, then I wasn't on board.   I could tell my poor husband was having a really tough day.
   The very next evening, my husband and I were reading at the computer, a horrific story of an abortion, and the lives that it affected.  We sort of thought out loud to one another "what if that woman in San Diego was told 'I can't find anyone to adopt your baby' and she went through with an abortion because she thought she didn't have another option?".  We let the weight of that sink in.  He looked at me and said "write the lawyer back and ask him to please send our profile to the colleague in San Diego.  Maybe he will, maybe he wont, let's just leave it for God to decide.".  I wrote him again and asked him to please send our profile and that we had reconsidered.
   A week went by and we heard nothing.  Nothing back from the Lawyer in LA and nothing from the lawyer in San Diego.  We weren't sure if he even ever sent the profile.  I had to admit, we did sound a little wishy-washy by saying so no so quickly, and then changing our minds soon after.  I finally got up the nerve to write him and ask if he would just let us know if he sent it or not.  He wrote back that same day and said that yes, he had in fact sent it, but that we wouldn't hear anything at all unless we were picked.  So we would now just wait.  If we didn't hear anything soon, we would know that she didn't select us, or possibly even changed her mind about the adoption all together.
   As the days ticked by we kept thinking out loud to one another "What is God doing here?  Why are all these babies being put in front of us to consider?  Babies we weren't really thinking about.  Was he wanting us to do a domestic adoption again?  We just kept thinking of these precious babies, so many of which were in danger any given day to the abortion that ever looms in front of their momma's path.  We know all too well how many people desire the deaths of the ones who aren't "wanted" or those who come at very unfortunate times.  We know how hard Ethan's birth momma struggled against the doctors, and nurses who literally screamed at her to abort Ethan. She was six months along when she found out she was pregnant with him. She saw him on an ultrasound the day she found out.....it was her courage, and more than likely that ultrasound that saved his life. Of course we know that God was ultimately in control, and watching over our precious son.  How she held her ground at that hospital, with all the pressure and verbal abuse she endured with no one at her side to defend her and our little Ethan hidden in her womb, is an absolute miracle.  ahhhh I digress..... where was I?  Oh yes, what was God doing? Or was this just us doing something.  Maybe we were just suckers for hearing about children in need.
   We decided to call our foster to adopt agency and ask more questions about what we could do to speed things along.  We asked  for them to search diligently for some children for us to at least consider, and look at the files.  We sort of wanted them to move things along before we did something crazy ;-)  In the meantime we had been calling social workers about children we were finding on the computer on sites like AdoptUsKids.org or  HeartGalleryof America.org, but either the workers never called us back or when they did the children were already adopted, or had severe issues on our "no-go" list.  But we were looking.
   The next day my husband and I were talking and he said "I wonder if ANLC is doing the African American Fee Reduction Program again?".  ANLC is the same agency we went through with Ethan.  They were amazing to work with, and with our wait with Ethan being only 48 hours after finishing their profile paperwork (2 months total from signing on to getting matched.  But only 48 hours after completing the profile), we were pretty darn satisfied.  Well when Ethan was 5 months old they contacted us about a special program in which you adopt at a greatly reduced price, because they are specifically looking for families for babies who are "hard to match".  These babies at the time were Black/African American babies. They had a large number of African American women who were willing to place their babies, but not enough families on their files willing to adopt non-white babies.  Some were willing to adopt Hispanic, and Asian, but not Black. When we received that email when Ethan was five months old, we honestly considered it, as we had always been open to any race, but finally realized we could not do it with all of Ethan's needs at the time.  He was a VERY needy baby when he was little, and still is in many ways.  Fast forward to this day and my husband wonders if they are having this program available.  I sort of shrugged my shoulders and said "Well they might.  I'm not sure.  Should we call and ask?"  He says yes, and so I call that day.  I was so nervous dialing that number!!!  I just kept thinking "What am I doing?!?!?!?!  We aren't going to do another infant adoption!!", but I kept dialing anyway.  Driven for some odd reason just to find out.  I guess the babies in LA and San Diego had done something to me.  Or maybe I was ovulating at the time, ha! Whatever it was, something was softening both of our hearts to being open to doing another domestic adoption.  I talked to the supervisor and asked about the African American Fee Reduction Program.  They said that they did indeed have the program currently running and were in great need of families willing to adopt these precious babies.  I told her my situation, and that we were currently doing Foster to Adopt, I even told her that I had NO CLUE what I was doing on the phone with her, because we weren't doing another domestic infant adoption :-)   We decided to schedule an informational meeting for a week later exactly.  That would land us on a Tuesday.  We decided together, Jake and I, that if we didn't hear back from the woman in San Diego, or from the Foster to Adopt agency, or from the social workers who we had contacted about children on the websites, then we would consider signing on with ANLC on Tuesday.  And so we waited for Tuesday to come and God to show us what to do.......
Part 3 (the very end I promise!!!) tomorrow!

And then God changed everything.... Part 1

I am marveling over the fact that I am about to write the miraculous story of our second adoption, when I still have yet to write all the miracles surrounding Ethan's adoption!  That is sort of frustrating, and I am sorry it is all going to be a bit out of order, but I will write tonight about the story of how we were matched with this precious little one, and then another day soon, I will write more about how it all happened with Ethan (especially his birth story which is AMAZING!).  Until then though, this is the story of Malachi James.

As many know, for the past 11 months we have been pursuing an adoption through Foster to Adopt.  Jake and I adored our experience with Ethan, and it was mightily blessed by God. We couldn't believe he shifted us from our international adoption with South Korea, to an infant adoption in California, something that we swore we would never do.  God has his own plan however, and we are so glad he does!!  Ethan is a delight, and a bright shiny light on any and all dark days. However, even though we had an amazing experience with him, and the agency the Lord led us to to adopt him from, we decided not to pursue another domestic infant adoption for several reasons.  One, was that we just couldn't afford another domestic infant adoption.  Two, was that we do have a passion for siblings, and for older children.  Of course we love babies, but doesn't everyone?  We thought for sure that doing older kids, possibly siblings, was the way to go for our next adoption.  Not to mention, it is a free adoption when you adopt through the state. We briefly considered international adoption, but knew straight away that this would not suite our family and where we were at, and again, financially, it just wasn't possible.
   So we started our homestudy officially last September with an agency that works hand in hand with the counties.  This homestudy was our longest one ever.  The agency we went through was a delightful little office, with warm and friendly women.  But they were sincerely understaffed, so everything took twice as long as it should have.  We completed our homestudy officially in March, after a long 6 months of interviews, paperwork, fingerprinting, and well....more interviews and paperwork! When we completed the Homestudy, we honestly thought children would quite literally be thrown at our door.  We prepared the house, the beds, our hearts, and our kids.  And we waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Nothing.  Not even a call.  We stayed in contact with our matching coordinator and she let us know that she was trying but there just weren't that many kids who met our criteria.  Say what?? We were open to special needs, older kids, siblings, and children with learning disabilities for crying out loud. Wasn't this the description of all the kids in desperate need of homes?  But what she was having trouble with was not the things we were open to, but the things we were not.  Things like children who act out sexually towards other children (due to prior sexual abuse). We just couldn't have that with having three other young children in the home.  Another thing that we decided was a "no go", were children who acted out very violently to other children and animals.  Our concern wasn't as much for our 11 and 9 year old, but more for little Ethan, who at a year and a half, is pretty defenseless. One other thing that we had said was that we were open to a level 1, 2, and 3, risk, but not 4 or 5.  In Foster lingo those numbers represent the "risk" of that child being returned to the custody of the parents. Level 1 are children whose parents have lost their rights, and are awaiting families and free to adopt (these are very rare for many reasons). Level 2 means that the children in this category have a high likelihood of NOT being returned to the parents, and are very close to being free to adopt. Level 3 are children they think will more than likely not be returned to the parents, but they have not determined for sure yet.   While we try to have respect for the system and how it works (although we do have some qualms, we know we are not experts either), we didn't feel comfortable with Fostering alone, so levels 4 and 5 were out.  We felt very passionate about adopting a child waiting for a forever family. And lastly, we were not open to children older than Jacob's age of 9, as he was passionate about keeping his birth order and not wanting children older than him.  We really wanted to honor that for him.
   What we were hearing from the agency, was that there were plenty of children who didn't act out sexually, but they were violent.  And there were plenty of non-violent children, but thy acted out sexually.  And there were some who had neither of those issues, but they were older than 9.  And some that fit all of those, but they were a level 4 or 5, meaning that they were likely to return to their original homes shortly.    We were discouraged, but not disheartened.  We figured all it would take was some time and some prayer, and the Lord would bring whom he wanted into our family when He felt the time was right.
   In the meantime, one day while I was doing homeschool with the children, I get a message from a dear friend asking if I saw the baby on Facebook available for adoption. She had heard about the child on the Facebook page of a woman in our homeschool group.  I was not "Facebook Friends" with that woman, although I knew her from the homeschool get togethers.  So I "friend requested" her so that I could learn more.  Just out of curiosity.  A few days later she accepted my friend request and I scanned through her posts to find the one about the baby.  I found it.  All it said was that there was a baby born in LA with Down Syndrome and that the parents wanted to place the baby for adoption. The adoptive parents would have to homestudy ready and live in California.  I read it a second time, and thought...."hmmmm".   My husband passed by me at the computer a few hours later and I said "We wouldn't really consider adopting a baby with Downs Syndrome right now would we?".  He looked at me and said "Why wouldn't we?".  I said " ummm, well, it's a life long commitment, and we are pursuing siblings through the foster care system, so that's why I thought maybe we wouldn't".  I then told him about the baby I had read about, and he asked me to write the woman in the contact area of the post to get more information.  I did.  And we waited.  She got back to us about 5 days later and said all she had was an email for a lawyer, and that if we wanted to be considered for the baby, then we were to send our homestudy/profiles, to the Lawyer.  I asked my husband that night if we should do it, and he said "Let's talk about it in the morning".  That's what I get for asking late at night ;-)   The next morning came and as I awoke and wiped the sleep out of my eyes, I saw my husband getting his Army boots on while readying for work.  I said "So what are we thinking?"  He had his back to me at the time and said "Well, it's a life time commitment.  I know full well all that a Down's diagnosis entails" (his little brother has Down Syndrome).  He continued... "I know it would be hard and he would need care for life, but I don't think God is going to let me retire to the easy life anytime soon, so I might as well be doing that.  And truly, if we were ever going to do anything that flew in the face of what this world says is good and valuable, and what this world says is not,  it would be this.   Send our profile, let's leave it in Gods hands.  If we get picked, he was meant for us, if not, then he wasn't".  And so I did.  That morning.  A few days later I got an email in reply from the Lawyer letting us know that they Birth Family had narrowed down the options to three families and that we were not one of the three.  We had complete peace about it knowing that we had trusted the Lord for the decision from the get go, so we praised the Lord that he would have a home soon.
Come back tomorrow for Part 2