Adoption update.

Well, to say this last week has been a whirlwind would be a dramatic understatement.

I will try and be good at outlining all of this and not getting TOO emotional. ;-)

Last week as I was checking the Waiting Children list on our adoption agency's website, we saw a little boy on there and decided to click on his picture to find out more about him. We read his brief summary of medical history (why he is on the waiting children program list). When I finished reading (and looking up some big medical words I didn't know) I thought to myself, "hum, this seems like something we could handle. I am totally comfortable with this". I called Jake over and asked him to read the summary. He did and we both decided to email the director of the Waiting Child Program (WCP)for our agency and ask for his full file to review.

The next day we received his file in my inbox. We couldn't wait to open it and read all about him. We even got pictures! We read and read and researched and researched, all of his medical history. We once again looked at each other and agreed. We decided to email her back and say we were comfortable adopting this child.
We then had to fill out some additional forms she sent us, that would aid the committee (which I will go into in a minute)in making a decision as to what family should be allowed to adopt the child.

The committee.

The committee is who decides which families adopt which children in the Waiting Child Program (WCP). What happens is there are pictures and descriptions of children in the WCP listed on a Photolisting on the adoption agencies website. That photolisting is available for anyone to look at. If any family feels they seriously want to adopt a particular child then they email the program director of the WCP and their "files" (all the information they have so far about your family)along with the files of ANY other families interested in the adoption of this child, get brought before a committee. They then review the child's information, and the families files, and try to make a decision for a match that is best for the child.

So after we filled out that additional paperwork, we waited again. She said that they would send a notice to any families who had looked at the file of the child and let them know they would have only a few more days to decide whether they want to adopt the child or not.

At this point we had no idea how many families we were (for lack of a better term), up against. It could be two or it could be twenty (or more).

Then last night happened. Instead of getting the email I was waiting for, telling me how they had figured out how many families were interested and were now going to committee, I received an email from the adoption agency director. The email simply stated that we needed to call her soon to discuss some questions she had about our Personal Data Questionnaire. The Personal Data Questionnaire is 6 pages of questions about your family, your families history, your personality, your parenting, your home and even your hobbies.

We called immediately, not too concerned, but worried a little.

The next 5 minutes shocked us.

She said that she was reviewing our paperwork in order to start the completion of our home study, and had concerns over an answer we gave on the question about how we discipline our children. We had written that sometimes ONE form of punishment we use is corporal punishment. We specified several other parenting techniques, but we were honest that sometimes, we spanked our children. She went on to say (and I am QUOTING here) that she considered that an abusive home. That their agency wasn't in the practice of placing children in abusive homes. We sat there. Listening to a woman call us abusive. It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. She asked us to explain why we would parent like that. We once again told her honestly how it was used in our home. How it was done as only one of many means of discipline and done in love, always followed by forgiveness and a hug. She stuck to her earlier convictions. She stated that she believed that to be abuse (even though in our very restrictive state, it is NOT against the law to spank.) She said that we could take some time to think about promising to never spank a child that is placed in our home. And also said that we needed to pay 25 dollars and take a class that teaches parents who have bad (or abusive) parenting techniques to parent in "more productive and safe" manners.

After the right hook, she threw the sucker punch and let us know that one of our references had wrote on their reference questionnaire something that concerned her. It had to do with Jake's drinking. Something he does not do anymore, but something he had previously battled (and by God's grace, is still fighting the good fight). He has never gotten a DUI, been arrested, or received counseling for it, but there was a time, where we were uncomfortable with where it was headed. He made the decision then to stop drinking for good, and with the exception of a few rare setbacks, he has done AMAZING over the last 5 years.

We do not blame the person who wrote that reference AT ALL. But it was hard to have past sins and battles come and bite us in the rear.

So now, instead of being seen as good prospective adoptive parents, we are being looked at as abusive alcoholics.

*ouch*


*sigh*


Soooo that was a long night. I cried until 1:30am. It was so hard to feel so judged. IT was so hard to feel like someone was taking away a child, that I hadn't even met yet, but longed for none the less. It felt like I was being.....persecuted. It was hard.


My husband and I came to a decision. A decision I can not fully talk about right now on this blog. But maybe one day.

So I called her (the director) and discussed the situation, talked over some things, explained other things and agreed to take the class.


It was a hard night, and a hard morning. But I am learning to leave things in God's hands (which I TOTALLY struggle with). So I prayed and prayed. Stopped feeling sorry for myself, and prayed some more.

Then I had peace. Finally peace. Sadness over possibly failing the homestudy, but peace somehow in the midst of it.


Then as I was about to retire for the the evening I went to check my email and saw this from the lady who has been working with us from the WCP......


"Valerie,

Thank you! There is one other family who also decided to proceed. (The other family declined). Once we have their questionnaires we will contact family’s to schedule their individual call with *(name blocked out)* prior to going to committee. Once we have gotten to this step we will have a better idea of the day his case will be presented to committee."


Did you read that folks?????? Just ONE other family!!! That seems like pretty decent odds to me. Though I do not believe in odds. I believe in God and his will is going to prevail over this situation and EVERY situation. I am praying for this sweet little guy, who already has a piece of my heart. I am praying that if they do not select us, that the other family will raise him to know the preciousness of our Heavenly Father and the Prince of Peace who came to seek and to save that which was lost.

Pray for the little one who captured our hearts. Pray we will accept God's will with perfect peace if we are not chosen.

At this point I think we will pass the home study. We never know what the social worker will think when he comes to do the interviews, but I can only hope they will see the love in this house.

Staying focused.

In the midst of personal stress, be it emotional, spiritual, marital, or health (and in some cases many of these at the same time), how do you stay focused?

Lately I have felt the Lord prompt my heart to stay focused on Him, Him alone, and The blessings He has given me.

I started to realize that in times like these, I needed to have on blinders to the distractions or even just distracting thoughts in my life. I needed to see Him and focus on that. So I did.

When thoughts came asking "Am I good enough wife?"

I focused on the fact that God knows all things about me and loves me as His beloved daughter anyway.

When thoughts came asking "Am I good enough mother?"

I focused on the fact the God knows all things about me and loves me as His beloved daughter anyway.

When thoughts came asking "Will I be everything the child we adopt needs?"

I focused on the fact the God knows all things about me and loves me as His beloved daughter anyway.

When thoughts came asking "Will my health continue to deteriorate and rob me of vitality and youth?"

I focused on the fact that God is good and has his plans all worked out.

When thoughts came asking "Do Jake and I have a strong enough marriage to make it through?"

I focused on the fact that God is good and has his plans all worked out.

You see where I am going with this right?

It sounds silly at first. Like I'm repeating phrases to "change" something. But it wasn't like that at all. It was taking my eyes off the world and placing them on things above! (Col 3:10)

It worked too. :-)

So my advice when your heart and head seem to be at war with you.....
Look at what God has blessed you with and Thank HIM.



Work on something that keeps your hands busy.



And most importantly BREATH HIM IN, and rest in His promises.

Divided.

Just got done watching this movie. It was well done and thought provoking to say the LEAST. Follow this link to watch it in it's entirety for free.

Let me know what you think.

After that kick your feet up, snuggle those kiddos, kiss your husband good, and enjoy your weekend!!

The Boy

I think we have been giving the boy too much sugar.....


Don't judge. He didn't get that behavior from me ;-)

p.s. He has always liked wearing the most random "getups". When he was little you could almost always catch him wearing rain boots, camo-shorts, a long sleeve shirt, and a batman cape. These days he limits it to just the batman cape and a funny hat, and that's usually only on days he gets too much sugar.

Adoption.

Hello there! Well if you read the last post, you know that things have not been super encouraging this last few months. Lot's of things have fallen through, things just haven't gone right, and I just have not felt like myself lately. But besides the encouragement that I have received from a few sweet sweet ladies, one thing that has consistently put a smile on my face has been the adoption. So I thought I would give you all an update.

We are currently at the end of submitting all our paperwork needed for the "home study". Then a social worker will come out and start the interviews. Once that is complete and all our paperwork is approved, and we get back our background checks, than we will be finished with our Home Study.

At that point then we will wait to be "matched" with a child from South Korea.

There is a small twist in that though. We are doing what is called a Parallel adoption. Meaning we are pursuing the "standard" adoption program AND the "waiting child" adoption program at the same time. So we can wait the 5 months to be matched with a "healthy" child, or in the meantime review children that are available with disabilities. We are praying about this option.

For those who do not know, the Waiting Child program is an adoption program for adopting children with special needs (or older children or sibling groups, but this is almost never the case from Korea. They have primarily infants and toddlers with disabilities). Those special needs are very varied. They can be anything from a birthmark to Down Syndrome, and everything in between. We are not sure what God has planned through all this, but we are leaving ourselves open.

The time frame for all this can change at any moment. We are being told anywhere from 12 to 30 months from now. It seems soooo far off! I cannot believe that my youngest will be AT LEAST 8 by the time we are able to receiver our little one from Korea.
That will be an ADJUSTMENT!

So at this time our prayers are(if you do desire to pray with us)

*That God will provide the funds for this adoption.

*That the child we will adopt is safe and being cared for by loving people right now.

*That God would continue to speak to my heart about His unfailing love for me an my family.

*That some of my hormone issues will be worked out soon.

*That my husband and I would have a weekend soon to get away together and bond. We have been married 9 1/2 years and never taken a vacation alone together.....ever. We are thinking this would be a good time. We need money and a free weekend.
Lord help us :-)

Encouragement.

So where do we go for encouragement? I'm not talking fluffy stuff. I am talking soul shaking, heart healing, truthful love that comes from the Father through a Sister in Christ. I have been so discouraged lately with some things going on. Not to the point of utter despair or hopelessness, but.....pretty close to it. Most of these things are are internal "pruning" type things. Things God is working out in me. Things that are going on in my heart and mind that honestly, most people either don't understand or don't care to.
So I ask again, when you are going through these dark nights of the soul, where do you turn?

Recently I have found a lot of comfort in a blog, of all places. Sounds just plain silly but this woman has truly spoken to me, encouraged me, and laid her life out on her little piece of cyber space to encourage women going through some of these thoughts. Her blog is called "Journey to Beloved". And that is exactly where I am seeking to be. To see myself not just as His follower, but as His BELOVED. I feel lately that I am not beloved to any one. Doesn't every person, especially every girl, long to be someones beloved? What an endearing term that is. I am learning. I am listening to Him. But I also hear the words of the evil one who speaks and says I am not worthy. I am not beloved. I am nothing. But the voice of Him who loves my soul is winning. I am listening for that voice who says "I WILL CALL THOSE WHO WERE NOT MY PEOPLE, ‘MY PEOPLE,’ AND HER WHO WAS NOT BELOVED, ‘BELOVED.’” (Romans 9:25)
I am learning. I am listening. Thank you so Julie at Journey to Beloved. You are helping me on my journey.

Things I'm thinking on.

Hello sweet people! This has not been a boring last few months. I have sooo much to blog about and yet..... it's almost so much I cannot put it all into words.

Valerie can't put something into words!?!? I know...shocking ;-)

Anyhow, what I thought I would do it give an update by sort of just laying out things I am thinking on.

I am thinking first and foremost about that FACT that I am a beloved daughter to the One True God, saved by His Grace, and expected to do NOTHING to earn his favor. I know we say that often in Christian circles, but I am realizing I live as though I do not believe it. I do not "think" or "dwell" on it as a reality in my life. So I live as though "one with no hope". Everyday I am being set free by focusing more on Him, less on me and less on other people's lives and walks.

I am also thinking about how awesome it's going to be to see God provide miraculously in the adoption process. The adoption program through South Korea is THE MOST expensive adoption (I think) that you can do. I am moving past fear and guilt as to whether we can afford it or not and moving into trusting God, knowing He provides for the orphans and sets the lonely in families.

I am also thinking about the Grace that has been bestowed upon me through Jesus and how I can relate that to my parenting. This is HUGE for me. I truly am trying to see my expectations of my children through the lens of Grace.

I am also thinking about humility. I think God is in the process of humbling me :-)
It hurts. NO fun, to be sure. But I am starting to get a glimpse of the fact that it may be worth far more than Gold when He is finished.