Adoption update.

Well, to say this last week has been a whirlwind would be a dramatic understatement.

I will try and be good at outlining all of this and not getting TOO emotional. ;-)

Last week as I was checking the Waiting Children list on our adoption agency's website, we saw a little boy on there and decided to click on his picture to find out more about him. We read his brief summary of medical history (why he is on the waiting children program list). When I finished reading (and looking up some big medical words I didn't know) I thought to myself, "hum, this seems like something we could handle. I am totally comfortable with this". I called Jake over and asked him to read the summary. He did and we both decided to email the director of the Waiting Child Program (WCP)for our agency and ask for his full file to review.

The next day we received his file in my inbox. We couldn't wait to open it and read all about him. We even got pictures! We read and read and researched and researched, all of his medical history. We once again looked at each other and agreed. We decided to email her back and say we were comfortable adopting this child.
We then had to fill out some additional forms she sent us, that would aid the committee (which I will go into in a minute)in making a decision as to what family should be allowed to adopt the child.

The committee.

The committee is who decides which families adopt which children in the Waiting Child Program (WCP). What happens is there are pictures and descriptions of children in the WCP listed on a Photolisting on the adoption agencies website. That photolisting is available for anyone to look at. If any family feels they seriously want to adopt a particular child then they email the program director of the WCP and their "files" (all the information they have so far about your family)along with the files of ANY other families interested in the adoption of this child, get brought before a committee. They then review the child's information, and the families files, and try to make a decision for a match that is best for the child.

So after we filled out that additional paperwork, we waited again. She said that they would send a notice to any families who had looked at the file of the child and let them know they would have only a few more days to decide whether they want to adopt the child or not.

At this point we had no idea how many families we were (for lack of a better term), up against. It could be two or it could be twenty (or more).

Then last night happened. Instead of getting the email I was waiting for, telling me how they had figured out how many families were interested and were now going to committee, I received an email from the adoption agency director. The email simply stated that we needed to call her soon to discuss some questions she had about our Personal Data Questionnaire. The Personal Data Questionnaire is 6 pages of questions about your family, your families history, your personality, your parenting, your home and even your hobbies.

We called immediately, not too concerned, but worried a little.

The next 5 minutes shocked us.

She said that she was reviewing our paperwork in order to start the completion of our home study, and had concerns over an answer we gave on the question about how we discipline our children. We had written that sometimes ONE form of punishment we use is corporal punishment. We specified several other parenting techniques, but we were honest that sometimes, we spanked our children. She went on to say (and I am QUOTING here) that she considered that an abusive home. That their agency wasn't in the practice of placing children in abusive homes. We sat there. Listening to a woman call us abusive. It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. She asked us to explain why we would parent like that. We once again told her honestly how it was used in our home. How it was done as only one of many means of discipline and done in love, always followed by forgiveness and a hug. She stuck to her earlier convictions. She stated that she believed that to be abuse (even though in our very restrictive state, it is NOT against the law to spank.) She said that we could take some time to think about promising to never spank a child that is placed in our home. And also said that we needed to pay 25 dollars and take a class that teaches parents who have bad (or abusive) parenting techniques to parent in "more productive and safe" manners.

After the right hook, she threw the sucker punch and let us know that one of our references had wrote on their reference questionnaire something that concerned her. It had to do with Jake's drinking. Something he does not do anymore, but something he had previously battled (and by God's grace, is still fighting the good fight). He has never gotten a DUI, been arrested, or received counseling for it, but there was a time, where we were uncomfortable with where it was headed. He made the decision then to stop drinking for good, and with the exception of a few rare setbacks, he has done AMAZING over the last 5 years.

We do not blame the person who wrote that reference AT ALL. But it was hard to have past sins and battles come and bite us in the rear.

So now, instead of being seen as good prospective adoptive parents, we are being looked at as abusive alcoholics.

*ouch*


*sigh*


Soooo that was a long night. I cried until 1:30am. It was so hard to feel so judged. IT was so hard to feel like someone was taking away a child, that I hadn't even met yet, but longed for none the less. It felt like I was being.....persecuted. It was hard.


My husband and I came to a decision. A decision I can not fully talk about right now on this blog. But maybe one day.

So I called her (the director) and discussed the situation, talked over some things, explained other things and agreed to take the class.


It was a hard night, and a hard morning. But I am learning to leave things in God's hands (which I TOTALLY struggle with). So I prayed and prayed. Stopped feeling sorry for myself, and prayed some more.

Then I had peace. Finally peace. Sadness over possibly failing the homestudy, but peace somehow in the midst of it.


Then as I was about to retire for the the evening I went to check my email and saw this from the lady who has been working with us from the WCP......


"Valerie,

Thank you! There is one other family who also decided to proceed. (The other family declined). Once we have their questionnaires we will contact family’s to schedule their individual call with *(name blocked out)* prior to going to committee. Once we have gotten to this step we will have a better idea of the day his case will be presented to committee."


Did you read that folks?????? Just ONE other family!!! That seems like pretty decent odds to me. Though I do not believe in odds. I believe in God and his will is going to prevail over this situation and EVERY situation. I am praying for this sweet little guy, who already has a piece of my heart. I am praying that if they do not select us, that the other family will raise him to know the preciousness of our Heavenly Father and the Prince of Peace who came to seek and to save that which was lost.

Pray for the little one who captured our hearts. Pray we will accept God's will with perfect peace if we are not chosen.

At this point I think we will pass the home study. We never know what the social worker will think when he comes to do the interviews, but I can only hope they will see the love in this house.