The CALL to adopt.

I first want to clarify that I am in no way able at this time to speak about the experience of adoption. While we have had many many wonderful friends and family members adopt children, we have yet to do so. I did want to share though why we feel CALLED to this great, beautiful, terrifying task.

It started with the knowledge that my husband and I always felt "comfortable" with the prospect of adoption. What I mean by that is neither my husband nor I ever felt weird, or scared of the thought of adopting a child. This is not to say that our whole marriage we "wanted" to adopt, but only to say that we were both open and comfortable with the idea of it. We actually never really considered it until about 5 years into our marriage. At that time we were "done" having children biologically. We, as most of you know, decided that after much pressure from family and ourselves we would get a vasectomy after my son was born. When he was two weeks old, we did. At the time we felt totally OK with that decision. A few years went by and my heart began to break for the young girls in the foster care system. I wanted to "save" them. I wanted to give them a home, and love, and show them the Jesus that I had found. The Jesus that not only saved my perishing soul, but saved me from the pit I was determined to bury myself into.
As I continued to think, pray, and discuss with my husband about this process of adopting a young teen, the Lord blessed me with the wisdom to see the folly in the idea. He allowed me to realize how unwise it would be at only 26 years of age, with two young children, and an unbelieving husband, to take on such a task. Of course God can do amazing things through young and ill-prepared people, but this was not one of those times. This was a time where I asked and was told no. And He was gracious to show me the reasons why. I look back now and can see so very clearly, how unprepared I was then. I can see now, how many years my husband and I would work on our marriage only to completely destroy it again and again until finally the Lord would show us how to put HIM in the middle of it and start the healing process, which is where we are at now. We have moved 3 times to three different states since then. God also showed me other ways to express my heart towards young girls, like through teaching Sunday school class for teen girls, and through volunteering as a counselor at a Crisis Pregnancy center. I also really loved going with a friend of mine to help lead a bible study at a teen juvenile detention center for girls. I grew so much doing those things and I am so grateful to have had those opportunities.

About a year after the Lord revealed to me to not adopt a young teen girl, he put it into my heart to have more children biologically. That began months of prayer. I was so confused why I was desiring more children. I HATED being pregnant for the first four months. I wasn't that great at birthing them either. And neither of my children slept through the night for months and months. They were finally getting independent! I was free of diapers and night time waking. But there was a small voice in my heart calling for more children. Around this same time my husband committed his life to the Lord and also miraculously changed his mind about the vasectomy. You have no idea what a shock it was when a man who swore he wouldn't ever have children, says to you he feels convicted to reverse the vasectomy and leave it all in God's hands (this even after having two children already).

It was right. We both knew it. We found a doctor (also a miracle)and reversed the vasectomy 2 days after my husband came home from Iraq. Even during that time of thinking of having more biological children, we would both talk fondly, and often, about the possibility of adopting as well. It was so weird. Why did we keep talking about adopting, right on the wings of our HUGE decision to have more biological children??? It could have only been God. We bought bunk beds, and stored things we thought we may need to keep for future children. We prepared our hearts for a future of children, either biological or adopted, preferably both.

As we sit here now almost 3 years from that time, knowing we never were able to conceive a child again, nor probably ever will, our desire for adoption has not been quenched.

However, I do have to say there have been doubts. Some thoughts of ...
"What are we doing thinking about adoption!? Our children are 9 and 7, and completely independent. We can go anywhere with them. We can take vacations and travel, and finally go to the bathroom in peace. Why are we thinking of ruining that?"

Other thoughts we have had are a little less selfish and they go like this....
"What if we are pursuing adoption out of our own selfish need to have more children? What if this is not God's will for us? What if God only intended for us to have two children and we are stepping out of his will by forcing this issue?"

My husband voiced that concern about our motives the other day while lying in bed. He looked at me and said, "How can we be sure we are not meant to just have two?"

My answer came so easily it stunned even me. "Look at the pieces of the puzzle just fall into place. Why on earth do we have a carseat, two boosters, a baby potty, a swing, a bouncy, and baby clothes in our garage when our children are years and years out of those things? Why do have only two children but still insist on driving a mini-van when we could easily fit into something more economical? Why in the world did we feel compelled to buy a 4 bedroom, 2200 sqft house for only 4 people? The answer is we have felt for YEARS that we are not complete. This family was meant to welcome more in. That has not come from us. We know it. We didn't buy this house because we like big houses, we bought it because we kept saying 'look how many children we could put in all those bedrooms!'. We do not keep the mini-van because it is cool, we keep it because we know we will need the room one day."

We KNOW we are being called to adopt.

He agreed with my answer.

IF you knew us you would know, we don't like big houses just because they are big, and we are not pack rats that keep old baby stuff. We have meticulously, and yet almost accidentally, kept this stuff and I believe God is the reason it has all worked out this way.

Now the answer to, how, where, and when we will adopt, we do not know. But the more we discuss our plans to adopt as well as our motives, the more we become convinced that we are being called. Not by our own will, but by HIS.

Some things on our hearts and mind lately about adoption are....

~Which agency to use. It can be scary to trust your heart, your time, and your money to people who may or may not have your best interest at heart.

~Which adoption. There is adoption through the foster care system, adoption domestically of a baby that a mom is placing, international adoption, and even embryo adoption. Which one is right for us, and can we do them ALL?!?! :)

~Do we wait and save the money before we move forward in an adoption, or move ahead and trust God will provide?

~Do we adopt special needs children or no?

Please pray for us, if you feel so inclined, as you can tell we have a lot of beautiful decisions to make soon! Also you have adopted could you please comment and tell me which adoption you chose and which agency you went through? Thank you!

Take care and have a blessed weekend beautiful people!!!

Thirft store finds.

Every once and a while I post on here some of my favorite thrift store finds. I love thrift stores and I have to say that being back in California has really got me excited about thrift store shopping again. When I was in Arkansas the thrift stores were rare. So I mostly shopped at Walmart, just like everyone else in middle America :)

Anyhow, this item may not seem all that spectacular to some, and even less functional to others, but I LOVE IT!

Plus the fact that it is super old just adds to the romance of it all...
(click on any of the pictures to see them enlarged)






Were you able to catch some of those beautiful words? I love this devotional book! I love that it was written over a hundred years ago, so I know the book is not spending the first 20 pages trying to relevant! I hope you all are finding great finds at your garage sales and thrift stores too :)

awwwww....newness.

What is "newness" you ask? It is the smell, the sight, and the sound of living in completely different surroundings. I am LOVING it! This house is awesome! I am so grateful for every bit of it. I feel unworthy of this house, but I am truly enjoying unpacking, decorating and organizing it. Here are some pictures I took about 5 days ago. I have made a LOT of progress since then, and it is really starting to look more like a house and less like a storage container ;-P
Here are the pictures...

this one is my living room

this is my dining room

this is my backyard (sprinklers are broken and I removed a BUNCH of bushes and shrubs so it's looking a little poor)

this is my side patio that leads to my backyard

and this is my homeschool area that I will blog about soon :)


Now I am going to get off here and get back to cleaning and organizing this place!
love you all!
Va