I first want to clarify that I am in no way able at this time to speak about the experience of adoption. While we have had many many wonderful friends and family members adopt children, we have yet to do so. I did want to share though why we feel CALLED to this great, beautiful, terrifying task.
It started with the knowledge that my husband and I always felt "comfortable" with the prospect of adoption. What I mean by that is neither my husband nor I ever felt weird, or scared of the thought of adopting a child. This is not to say that our whole marriage we "wanted" to adopt, but only to say that we were both open and comfortable with the idea of it. We actually never really considered it until about 5 years into our marriage. At that time we were "done" having children biologically. We, as most of you know, decided that after much pressure from family and ourselves we would get a vasectomy after my son was born. When he was two weeks old, we did. At the time we felt totally OK with that decision. A few years went by and my heart began to break for the young girls in the foster care system. I wanted to "save" them. I wanted to give them a home, and love, and show them the Jesus that I had found. The Jesus that not only saved my perishing soul, but saved me from the pit I was determined to bury myself into.
As I continued to think, pray, and discuss with my husband about this process of adopting a young teen, the Lord blessed me with the wisdom to see the folly in the idea. He allowed me to realize how unwise it would be at only 26 years of age, with two young children, and an unbelieving husband, to take on such a task. Of course God can do amazing things through young and ill-prepared people, but this was not one of those times. This was a time where I asked and was told no. And He was gracious to show me the reasons why. I look back now and can see so very clearly, how unprepared I was then. I can see now, how many years my husband and I would work on our marriage only to completely destroy it again and again until finally the Lord would show us how to put HIM in the middle of it and start the healing process, which is where we are at now. We have moved 3 times to three different states since then. God also showed me other ways to express my heart towards young girls, like through teaching Sunday school class for teen girls, and through volunteering as a counselor at a Crisis Pregnancy center. I also really loved going with a friend of mine to help lead a bible study at a teen juvenile detention center for girls. I grew so much doing those things and I am so grateful to have had those opportunities.
About a year after the Lord revealed to me to not adopt a young teen girl, he put it into my heart to have more children biologically. That began months of prayer. I was so confused why I was desiring more children. I HATED being pregnant for the first four months. I wasn't that great at birthing them either. And neither of my children slept through the night for months and months. They were finally getting independent! I was free of diapers and night time waking. But there was a small voice in my heart calling for more children. Around this same time my husband committed his life to the Lord and also miraculously changed his mind about the vasectomy. You have no idea what a shock it was when a man who swore he wouldn't ever have children, says to you he feels convicted to reverse the vasectomy and leave it all in God's hands (this even after having two children already).
It was right. We both knew it. We found a doctor (also a miracle)and reversed the vasectomy 2 days after my husband came home from Iraq. Even during that time of thinking of having more biological children, we would both talk fondly, and often, about the possibility of adopting as well. It was so weird. Why did we keep talking about adopting, right on the wings of our HUGE decision to have more biological children??? It could have only been God. We bought bunk beds, and stored things we thought we may need to keep for future children. We prepared our hearts for a future of children, either biological or adopted, preferably both.
As we sit here now almost 3 years from that time, knowing we never were able to conceive a child again, nor probably ever will, our desire for adoption has not been quenched.
However, I do have to say there have been doubts. Some thoughts of ...
"What are we doing thinking about adoption!? Our children are 9 and 7, and completely independent. We can go anywhere with them. We can take vacations and travel, and finally go to the bathroom in peace. Why are we thinking of ruining that?"
Other thoughts we have had are a little less selfish and they go like this....
"What if we are pursuing adoption out of our own selfish need to have more children? What if this is not God's will for us? What if God only intended for us to have two children and we are stepping out of his will by forcing this issue?"
My husband voiced that concern about our motives the other day while lying in bed. He looked at me and said, "How can we be sure we are not meant to just have two?"
My answer came so easily it stunned even me. "Look at the pieces of the puzzle just fall into place. Why on earth do we have a carseat, two boosters, a baby potty, a swing, a bouncy, and baby clothes in our garage when our children are years and years out of those things? Why do have only two children but still insist on driving a mini-van when we could easily fit into something more economical? Why in the world did we feel compelled to buy a 4 bedroom, 2200 sqft house for only 4 people? The answer is we have felt for YEARS that we are not complete. This family was meant to welcome more in. That has not come from us. We know it. We didn't buy this house because we like big houses, we bought it because we kept saying 'look how many children we could put in all those bedrooms!'. We do not keep the mini-van because it is cool, we keep it because we know we will need the room one day."
We KNOW we are being called to adopt.
He agreed with my answer.
IF you knew us you would know, we don't like big houses just because they are big, and we are not pack rats that keep old baby stuff. We have meticulously, and yet almost accidentally, kept this stuff and I believe God is the reason it has all worked out this way.
Now the answer to, how, where, and when we will adopt, we do not know. But the more we discuss our plans to adopt as well as our motives, the more we become convinced that we are being called. Not by our own will, but by HIS.
Some things on our hearts and mind lately about adoption are....
~Which agency to use. It can be scary to trust your heart, your time, and your money to people who may or may not have your best interest at heart.
~Which adoption. There is adoption through the foster care system, adoption domestically of a baby that a mom is placing, international adoption, and even embryo adoption. Which one is right for us, and can we do them ALL?!?! :)
~Do we wait and save the money before we move forward in an adoption, or move ahead and trust God will provide?
~Do we adopt special needs children or no?
Please pray for us, if you feel so inclined, as you can tell we have a lot of beautiful decisions to make soon! Also you have adopted could you please comment and tell me which adoption you chose and which agency you went through? Thank you!
Take care and have a blessed weekend beautiful people!!!
The CALL to adopt.
Thirft store finds.
Every once and a while I post on here some of my favorite thrift store finds. I love thrift stores and I have to say that being back in California has really got me excited about thrift store shopping again. When I was in Arkansas the thrift stores were rare. So I mostly shopped at Walmart, just like everyone else in middle America :)
Anyhow, this item may not seem all that spectacular to some, and even less functional to others, but I LOVE IT!
Plus the fact that it is super old just adds to the romance of it all...
(click on any of the pictures to see them enlarged)
Were you able to catch some of those beautiful words? I love this devotional book! I love that it was written over a hundred years ago, so I know the book is not spending the first 20 pages trying to relevant! I hope you all are finding great finds at your garage sales and thrift stores too :)
awwwww....newness.
What is "newness" you ask? It is the smell, the sight, and the sound of living in completely different surroundings. I am LOVING it! This house is awesome! I am so grateful for every bit of it. I feel unworthy of this house, but I am truly enjoying unpacking, decorating and organizing it. Here are some pictures I took about 5 days ago. I have made a LOT of progress since then, and it is really starting to look more like a house and less like a storage container ;-P
Here are the pictures...
this one is my living room
this is my dining room
this is my backyard (sprinklers are broken and I removed a BUNCH of bushes and shrubs so it's looking a little poor)
this is my side patio that leads to my backyard
and this is my homeschool area that I will blog about soon :)
Now I am going to get off here and get back to cleaning and organizing this place!
love you all!
Va
Is it possible?
Is it possible that after 60 plus days of escrow we are finally closed?
Is is possible that after almost loosing the house 6 times we actually have keys in our hands?
Is it possible that after such a long time of dreaming of how we will live in our spacious new home, that I am actually sad about leaving our tiny apartment?????
There I said it. I am kind of afraid to leave this little place. I kind of like it here. I have everything I need within a few short steps of wherever I am. My children are close, my kitchen is close, and well, it works for us. A house is so exciting and yet there are so many unknowns. Will the neighbors be nice? Will everything work right? Will I be able to clean so much space? (It's almost 2000 sqft)
Even so, I am very happy to move in soon. I so hope that the Lord will bless this home. That He will fill it with more children. That we will be able to use it as a place to bless others. That practicing hospitality will be done constantly. I think it will be nice to be in one place for a little while :-)
I have been super busy with closing escrow, finding an electrician for our electrical work, getting quotes for air conditioning, and just overall managing this home and the new one. I will continue to be busy through the next few weeks as we move, unpack, clean our apartment before inspection, and get adjusted.
May the Lord Bless you and Keep you all!
Valerie
My boy...not so little anymore.
I know every mother says this about their youngest, but I just cannot get over how big my baby boy is getting. He turned seven recently and It was such a crazy thing to look at him and say "your seven!". First I want to write some things I love about my son, then I will post a few pictures from his small b-day party (just some close family and two friends, that's my kind of party)
Jacob.....
*get's over things sooo quickly that he can NEVER hold a grudge.
*says the funniest things on a DAILY basis. so much so we believe he was put here just to make us laugh.
*is constantly hungry. He's always been that way,from the moment he was born until now.
*did not sleep ONE night through until he was 13 months old.
*hates to work but will do anything to get a movie :)
*favorite foods are bread, bananas, cereal, bread, bananas, cereal...yup that's pretty much it :) (although we do "force" our children to eat whatever mom cooks)
*has been praying for the salvation of his PaPa and Uncle for over 2 years straight.
*would give up almost anything to have more kids in this tiny family (especially a brother)
*is the most tender-hearted, compassionate boy I have EVER met.
*still loves to cuddle his mommy every day in our chair.
*loves to sit by me at the table.
*thinks his dad is the strongest man ever, and wants to marry his mom
* IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
now to pictures......
well junk...I am trying to upload my pictures from my phone to my computer.....it's not working right now. I am call my tech (aka my husband) and see what he can do, then I will finish uploading :)
Dying to SELF.
Dying to self. I hate that term, and yet I LOVE that term. There is so much wisdom and heartache and blessings all tied together in that habitual process that Christ asks of us.
I was having some problems with the hubby the other day. Nothing huge, but big enough to cause some pretty good heartache and worry. I was venting to the one and only friend who has been through our issues long enough to know how to listen and give advice. The thing I love about this friend is that she has known my husband and I since before we were married. She became a Christian right around the same time I did, and ALWAYS gives Godly advice. She brings me back to the Bible. Back to the Word. Every time.
I was venting to her the woes of being married to a man with so much "baggage". (conveniently forgetting he married a woman with baggage as well ;)
First she soothed my broken heart with sweet words of encouragement and hope. Then she softly rebuked me for not forgiving and for the borderline hate that was developing in my heart. Then she said this...." Valerie being married is learning how to Die to yourself."
*silence*
*crickets*
*more silence*
"No! I don't want to die to self any more!!! I want HIM TO DIE TO HIS SELF!"
*silence*
*more crickets*
*more silence*
"Fine. Your right. But HOW?? How do I do that when everything in me screams, 'this is not fair'?"
God had to answer that question for me. You know, when we look at this topic when all things are going well, it's a little easier to think about. When, however, you feel you have given almost all you can give, it's very hard to think about dying more to yourself. (although truly I had not given as much as I could have)
So that evening I prayed. I confessed my unforgiveness, as I have time and time again. I asked God to teach me how to love when it's so hard. To teach me to be more like HIM. I also confessed to God that I cannot force my heart to feel love and trust so I asked for HIM to change my heart for me as He has done on more than one occasion. I prayed something else too when I realized that at the moment there were several people that I was talking to about Christ. Who were drawn to Him (in their words not mine) by the changes in Jake and I, and our family. Our Christ like behavior and that we were different from others they knew(again her words not mine). At the moment I knew that if they could see inside our home they would not see Christ like behavior. They would not be drawn to Him by the anger in our hearts. I knew then I had to pray and ask the Lord to help me fast because there was so much more at stake. My children were noticing our friction, my mom had caught on to some of it, and I did NOT want to badly represent My precious Savior. My King. How could I be so selfish to just think of myself? I continued to pray that God would help my husband and I and that we would represent Him well and walk worthy of the calling in which we have been called.
God answered that prayer. And FAST! Not 45 minutes later, my husband called (he was out of town on business). We hadn't talked, more than necessary in over three days. He sweetly confessed many things. I did as well. we reconciled, talked about things we could do to work through some of our "weeds in our Garden" (the best way I could put it :)
But then my husband asked to pray and prayed the sweetest prayer I think we could pray at the moment. I think its a profound prayer for any hurting marriage, so feel free to pray it for yourselves anytime :)
He said "Lord, forgive me for the things I do and for what I have been, and Father, hold us together when we cannot do it on our own. Amen."
What's so profound? Well, I think big and lofty prayers are great. But I think humble prayers calling out to our heavenly Father are even better! :)
So I was able to meet up later the next day, with the precious woman who is seeking the Lord. She is not a Christian, but desperately desires to know more of Him. I felt like I was able to talk to her to openly and with my whole heart because God had honored prayers and lifted the burden from my heart. She has attended church with us for two weeks. She has asked for a bible and has tons of questions. And her ex-fiance is asking questions as well and has called my husband to set a up a hiking day to talk more about the Lord. Praise be to the Lord GOD! He is so good to use even his beloved hard-hearted children.
My prayer now is that I would be taught more everyday how to Die to myself, and learn to live as Christ, love fully, harbor not anger, but grace and mercy. Let's learn how to Die to ourselves so that the focus can be on His Kingdom not ours.
Do you all feel like your at the very START of the Sanctification process sometimes?
I do. But you know what? I am right where the Lord wants me and THAT my friend feels awesome!
"Thank you Lord for the peace and joy you have given me lately through your Word and your answers to my prayers"
Child Training Bible!
SO I posted a month back about my friend Mindy's idea for a Bible that is primarily used for child training. She thought it up, researched the scriptures, made everything needed to make it work, and then showed some of her very blessed friends how to make one as well. We are all reaping the amazing benefits of training our children with scripture! This is not a parenting book, this is not a fad, this is not a new idea. This is scripture and scripture alone. I love it!! I am reaping such a great harvest of scriptural knowledge and of PEACE in my home through training my children with the Word of God. Please check out her site. She has put so much hard work into this. Her passion if for kids and moms alike to know the Word of God and to apply it to their lives, and their parenting. May you be blessed!
The site is www.childtrainingbible.com
