Dying to SELF.

Dying to self. I hate that term, and yet I LOVE that term. There is so much wisdom and heartache and blessings all tied together in that habitual process that Christ asks of us.

I was having some problems with the hubby the other day. Nothing huge, but big enough to cause some pretty good heartache and worry. I was venting to the one and only friend who has been through our issues long enough to know how to listen and give advice. The thing I love about this friend is that she has known my husband and I since before we were married. She became a Christian right around the same time I did, and ALWAYS gives Godly advice. She brings me back to the Bible. Back to the Word. Every time.
I was venting to her the woes of being married to a man with so much "baggage". (conveniently forgetting he married a woman with baggage as well ;)
First she soothed my broken heart with sweet words of encouragement and hope. Then she softly rebuked me for not forgiving and for the borderline hate that was developing in my heart. Then she said this...." Valerie being married is learning how to Die to yourself."

*silence*

*crickets*

*more silence*

"No! I don't want to die to self any more!!! I want HIM TO DIE TO HIS SELF!"

*silence*

*more crickets*

*more silence*

"Fine. Your right. But HOW?? How do I do that when everything in me screams, 'this is not fair'?"


God had to answer that question for me. You know, when we look at this topic when all things are going well, it's a little easier to think about. When, however, you feel you have given almost all you can give, it's very hard to think about dying more to yourself. (although truly I had not given as much as I could have)

So that evening I prayed. I confessed my unforgiveness, as I have time and time again. I asked God to teach me how to love when it's so hard. To teach me to be more like HIM. I also confessed to God that I cannot force my heart to feel love and trust so I asked for HIM to change my heart for me as He has done on more than one occasion. I prayed something else too when I realized that at the moment there were several people that I was talking to about Christ. Who were drawn to Him (in their words not mine) by the changes in Jake and I, and our family. Our Christ like behavior and that we were different from others they knew(again her words not mine). At the moment I knew that if they could see inside our home they would not see Christ like behavior. They would not be drawn to Him by the anger in our hearts. I knew then I had to pray and ask the Lord to help me fast because there was so much more at stake. My children were noticing our friction, my mom had caught on to some of it, and I did NOT want to badly represent My precious Savior. My King. How could I be so selfish to just think of myself? I continued to pray that God would help my husband and I and that we would represent Him well and walk worthy of the calling in which we have been called.

God answered that prayer. And FAST! Not 45 minutes later, my husband called (he was out of town on business). We hadn't talked, more than necessary in over three days. He sweetly confessed many things. I did as well. we reconciled, talked about things we could do to work through some of our "weeds in our Garden" (the best way I could put it :)

But then my husband asked to pray and prayed the sweetest prayer I think we could pray at the moment. I think its a profound prayer for any hurting marriage, so feel free to pray it for yourselves anytime :)
He said "Lord, forgive me for the things I do and for what I have been, and Father, hold us together when we cannot do it on our own. Amen."

What's so profound? Well, I think big and lofty prayers are great. But I think humble prayers calling out to our heavenly Father are even better! :)

So I was able to meet up later the next day, with the precious woman who is seeking the Lord. She is not a Christian, but desperately desires to know more of Him. I felt like I was able to talk to her to openly and with my whole heart because God had honored prayers and lifted the burden from my heart. She has attended church with us for two weeks. She has asked for a bible and has tons of questions. And her ex-fiance is asking questions as well and has called my husband to set a up a hiking day to talk more about the Lord. Praise be to the Lord GOD! He is so good to use even his beloved hard-hearted children.
My prayer now is that I would be taught more everyday how to Die to myself, and learn to live as Christ, love fully, harbor not anger, but grace and mercy. Let's learn how to Die to ourselves so that the focus can be on His Kingdom not ours.

Do you all feel like your at the very START of the Sanctification process sometimes?

I do. But you know what? I am right where the Lord wants me and THAT my friend feels awesome!

"Thank you Lord for the peace and joy you have given me lately through your Word and your answers to my prayers"