with kids, nothing is guaranteed.

I have heard it said by many (myself included)"If I feel like having kids later then I will just have them in a few years. I will decide when we are ready."

There is only one problem with that......we are never guaranteed tomorrow. I know some who read this are not Christians, but I am going to primarily deal with Christian themes on this issue. You see Psalm 27:1 says "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth" He is not just talking about death. He is talking about everything. More on that in a bit.

When it comes to having children in this country, it is often viewed as a plague. A curse. If you are having your first child, it is told by most, "congratulations!". When you are having your second some people start to say "oh well I guess its nice to give your first a little brother or sister" or even the old reason of trying to get a boy if you just have a girl, or vice versa. Have your third child, and just wait for the funny looks and the "Oh wow, another one??" Have your fourth, and people straight out say the rudest things possible. Yet it is somehow now deemed normal to say to a woman...."you are done right?!!?!". Answer that question with "actually I would love more" and watch them laugh about your insanity or walk away in disgust.

No wonder we are scared of having more children! Its more work, more time, less sleep, and often times you are the brunt of jokes in the circle of moms, or even at church. I know that has been the case for many of my friends with 4 or more kids. They have been persecuted for having children. People stay away from them as if they have a weird disease. I have a friend who is pregnant with her fifth and is terrified to tell her friends and family. I have another friend who, when she got pregnant, people said "Oh I am so sorry" As if she got CANCER or something. What a shame.

I know that when some of my "church" friends found out we were getting our vasectomy reversal, decided they could no longer be my friend anymore. One woman, whom I was very close with, said " I am not sure that is a good idea, and I cannot support you in that". She never called again. What is happening here? REGARDLESS of how women feel about having children themselves, why do christian women, in large, not support women who do want children? Please hear my heart, I am not saying Christian woman HAVE to have children, I am asking people to look inside and ask themselves "how do I treat women who have more than 2 kids? DO I joke about her? Do I avoid hanging out with her because she has too many kids? Would I ever consider babysitting for her? Did I ask her if she was crazy when I found out she was having another one, or did I say congrats? If a woman with lots of kids looks tired and worn out, do I ask her how I can help or see if something is wrong, or do I assume that just what she gets for having that many?"

To be totally honest, I have thought ALL these things. Not recently, or in the past two years, but I have thought those things. I regret that heart attitude deeply.

Since I am addressing this to Christians, I will use the bible as my source for our heart attitude. The bible speaks on having children in this way...Genesis 1:28
God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."

And again....Genesis 9:1
[ God's Covenant With Noah ] Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.

And again....Genesis 17:6
I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you.

By the way, how was God supposed to get those "kings" he talked about in the above verse, if not by someone having to have children?

And again and again.... Genesis 35:11
And God said to him, "I am God Almighty ; be fruitful and increase in number. A nation and a community of nations will come from you, and kings will come from your body.
Genesis 41:52
The second son he named Ephraim and said, "It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."


There are more scripture on this, but I wanted to point out that it was assumed throughout scripture that we would HAVE children. One of those reasons was practical, it is a result of a sexual relationship, and since God wants Married couples to be together physically (as shown in scripture such as 1Cor 7:5), its obvious we will have children. It was also obvious in the bible we would WANT children
Genesis 33:5
Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. "Who are these with you?" he asked. Jacob answered, "They are the children God has graciously given your servant."

I could go on and on on Gods heart for children. There are several scriptures that show God giving children as blessings and rewards, but I cannot seem to find ANY scriptures where children are viewed as a curse. Some verses on children being seen as a blessing (right up there with wealth and health, which we cannot seem to ask enough for)....Deuteronomy 7:13
He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land—your grain, new wine and oil—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you.

And again....Deuteronomy 28:4
The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.

And AGAIN....Psalm 127:4-5 (New International Version)

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.


I close in saying this...
We may be putting off having children, and saying as I said in the beginning of this post "I will wait until I am ready" or in some cases (And I have been told this by a Christian friend) "I really want go on vacation, so I can't plan a child this year, and then I have my sisters wedding next year, and I don't want to be fat in the dress, and then I will be graduating college, so WHO KNOWS when we will fit one in".

If you are may I say to you... we said similar things. Then those thoughts turned to wanting to end our fertility altogether. After our second child was only 2 weeks old we had a vasectomy. Four years later, we realized the mistake. God led us to get a reversal. After a year and a half of trying and no pregnancies, we have found out through tests, my husbands reversal was a complete success, and yet now I have been struck Barren. I have been diagnosed with PCOS which is the leading cause of infertility in woman. My one and only ovary is covered in cysts, and my body is lacking the hormone to tell it to release an egg (even if it could get through all the cysts.)

Fertility, is not something to be mocked, nor something to be taken for granted. Yet we did,and so do many others, at the support off our christian brothers an sisters.

My diagnosis is hard to swallow. But I am still hopeful in a miracle and still thankful for the change that God has made in us through it.