I did a very scientific drawing tonight (I wrote everyone's name on a post it note, folded them, and my husband drew them out of the palm of my hand), and the two winners of my first ever book giveaway are....
Becky and Christen! I am so excited for you ladies and I know you will LOVE THIS BOOK! May God speak to you on behalf of the orphans through it!
And the winners are....
Adopted for Life....and an update :-)
Update first: "Sandy" (the Birth Mother) is doing better, she had several blood transfusions, and many more other medical complications that happened, and are still happening, but she is alive. For that I am so very grateful. I went to visit her a few days ago, and I knew God was calling me to just sit with her and be her friend for a bit. We talked, but mostly I listened. God has overwhelmed my soul with compassion for this woman. I cannot even begin to fathom what it is like to be in her shoes. To be homebound and in her thirties, is something that is devastating for her. But the hardest part is her children. She loves them so. Several are in different homes because she cannot care for them, all of whom she misses and loves terribly. Now this precious little Ethan, whom she cannot keep or care for, is breaking her heart. She tries to hide it and puts on the biggest bravest front. She says she wont let herself get attached. She says if she does it will crush her so she convinces herself that she is not attached. I was with her during her ultrasound and I can tell you......She is already attached. I know she cannot admit what that would mean for her. Could I, if it were me? My heart cries to make her life better. How? I ask God this often as of late. Sometimes He says to go visit her, sometimes he says "buy her a sweater", but mostly He says to "love". Love. Love is God and Love transcends all this mess of a world we live in. Pray for me as I continue to focus on God's love for me and the Grace that has been given to me through Christ, so that out of that, love can flow through me to the precious fertile ground that is this woman's heart. Pray also, as I have asked from the beginning, for her health and the health of the precious little baby Ethan, my son. She is truly a "high risk" pregnancy, and it is a miracle of God little Ethan has hung in this long.
Adopted for Life: I cannot say enough about this book. It is awesome and truly captures adoption in the light of what God has done for us. I would love to make this book my first book giveaway! I have never done one of these before but a precious dear friend of mine is so passionate about adoption that her and her husband have purchased this book in bulk and have given me several copies to give away! So, leave a comment and I will randomly select a winner and send you out a brand new copy of Adopted for Life!
Take care of......her?
As I wrote in the previous post, I was being allowed by the birth mother *Sandy*, to join her at her doctors appointment. The plan was, that Jake and I would meet them ( the birth father would be joining us as well) somewhere for lunch, then we would head out to the doctor appointment, while the birth father went home. The birth father called us the day before we were supposed to go up there and said that Sandy was not "doing well" and was wondering if we could pick up lunch and bring it to the house instead of going out to eat. I said absolutely and agreed to meet them out their house (they are roommate's, and not in a relationship with one another).
I can tell you that nothing prepared me for what I would face that day. So many things, just due to the privacy of the birth mom, I cannot share with you. The other things I will share with you and how they are affecting me.......for the better. God always has a lesson in mind when bringing you to challenging things!
First, as I said, I cannot give all of the details that cause me the most concern, but I can tell you that when I saw her my first thought was "death". She looked like death. It was lingering over her and around her, waiting to sink in it's teeth. Only God is holding it back. She is in much worse condition than I knew, and I think, more than she knows. She has MS and is in a wheel chair due to both the MS and her two broken legs, both of which have no function and are healing in non natural positions. There are other factors contributing to her failing health as well.
I conversed with her for over and hour, which was a bit hard for her, as she struggles to maintain a good flow of breath while talking. I cut her food up for her, as she cannot do it herself. There was so many things that went through my mind during that hour wait to leave for the doctors visit. One thing was a question that would not go away........"who is taking care of you Sandy?". I did not say this out loud. As I know who she "thinks" is taking care of her. My heart broke for her situation. Soon came time to leave. We rolled her outside to our van and my husband lifted her and put her in. It took much effort, but my husband is strong (she is very thin, but is 6 feet tall and 27 weeks pregnant) and we got her in without too much trouble.
We talked all the way to the hospital about mostly small and unimportant things. I want to reach across and hug her, yet, I know this is not something she is comfortable with...yet. So we chit chat as all women who barely know each other do.
We get in the hospital/medical building and wait at her doctors appointment. We get called back, and although she welcomes Jake along, he politely declines and says he will wait in the waiting room. I happily go in with her. The doc comes in, says hi, listen's to the heart beat, says the beat sounds great, says she is due for an ultrasound and can get one today (my heart beats happily at the sound of that) and then he says " Sandy, I would like you to see a Perinatologist. Just with you having.....other...ummm.... health issues, I think it's best you been seen by a Perinatologist. We have a great one here at the hospital and they can set you up with an appointment with him. OK?" She says "sure OK" and we roll out to the front desk to make the appointment. The appointment itself lasted a whole 3 minutes.
I am thinking to myself "Wow, I am really glad they are scheduling her with a specialist for high risk pregnancies, but how is it that this woman can be coming to this doctor monthly, be 27 and a half weeks along, be in this bad of shape and JUST NOW, be being referred to a specialist?? I am no expert, but that seems grossly neglectful. Oh and it get's worse.
We go to the front and they schedule her with her same OB for the next appointment 1 month from then, and say's to go have a seat while they try and find the Perinatologist's schedule. We roll back into the waiting room and talk some more. That's when she opens up a little about why she didn't have an abortion (I don't know exactly how we got on the topic of abortion, but it just came up I think after I said that I thought she was brave). She said "Well what was I going do? I cannot even hold a baby in my arms. I can't take care of a baby physically. And I know *Sam* can't either with his MS. What was I going to do? Have an abortion? I wouldn't do that. I am not a Christian but I know the Bible says not to murder, so I am not going to murder, and that is what abortion is." All I am thinking during this is "God's word does not return void!!!!!" His WORD is affecting an unbelieving woman in order to spare the precious life of this sweet son of mine. God is so good.
They call us back for the ultrasound. We roll in and are barely able to make the turns in the office with the wheelchair. What kind of hospital is barely wheelchair accessible? Moving along. We get into the room and the nurses look at us, look at her in the wheelchair, and tell us to lift her on to the very high table. They offer no help whatsoever and I know why......She smells. She hasn't been bathed in a long time, and no one is washing her clothes. So my husband lifts her and with my help, we get her up. I keep asking myself "what would these "nurses" do if we weren't there? What is it like for her when she goes alone or with Sam, who can barely lift her at all?"
The ultrasound goes along well and we all smile as we see the cutest little black and white image of a face. We see his perfect lips, eyes, nose, head, chin, and beautiful beating heart. We then once again, unassisted by nurses, lift her down into her chair, choking down the vomit that wants to rise due to the smell that is coming off of her clothes. We then roll her to the front of the office and try again to arrange the appointment with the specialist. As we come up, the doctor calls us back into his office, which is weird because he said goodbye and everything before and said "see you in 4 weeks". We go into his office with her and he says "I just got off the phone with my Chairman and we believe it is in your best interest to go elsewhere for your care" At this point I am slightly agreeing with this man, as I believe they are not really all that concerned about this precious, very sick woman. He then says he thinks she should go to a hospital 57 miles away. Which in Southern California is like and hour and a half without traffic and 2 or more with traffic. She says "well I have no way of getting there.", at which he shakes his head and gives a "well I don't know what to do about this" look. I look at him and say "well she takes the bus to get here and this is only 2 miles down the road. I don't think the bus will take her there. I would drive her but I live and hour and a half away in the other direction, and I can't lift her by myself. Maybe we can if my husband can get off work, but that would be hit and miss" I look at her and say "Are you OK with this, I mean, that is really far?". The doctor then gets up before she can answer and says "well see me in four weeks and we will talk about it some more." He walks out, we roll out and go again to the front desk to make an appointment with the Perinatologist. The nurse says, "Oh I thought you were going to another hospital?", we say no, not yet, she hasn't decided. To which she says "oh....well.....I'll call you if the doctor says you really need to see the perinatologist after all".
I told you it got worse. I truly am not attacking the character of any of these doctors or nurses, but it was really hard to see her be "swept under the rug" so to speak. We left and while wheeling her through the parking lot she says that she knows why the chairman want's her gone. "Do you know who the chairman is?" I ask. She answers "Yeah, she is the one who was trying to force me to have an abortion with my last child,(which was years and years ago) and I don't think she likes me because I told her that I would never do it".
Goodness. *sigh*
So we leave and I ask her to tell me if there is anything she needs before we take her home. Does she need to mail a letter, run and errand, does she need groceries, is she hungry? She says, she would love to go to Starbucks and get a Caramel Frappuccino. We can do that. So we run to Starbucks and pick it up and drive her home.
We pull into the drive, and she says to hold on because she wants to give me something. She gives me coupons for food and formula (she is so sweetly and preciously wanting to help take care of her son) and then hands me an old worn infant pajama outfit from her closet. She says "all my children wore this, and he will need it to keep him warm, you know he is being born in such a cold season".
That's it. My heart is broken. I am ruined. If I ever wondered before at what cost adoption takes place, I know a bit of it now. We wave goodbye and I cry and process and pray all the way home. Jake and I come to the conclusion that something needs to change for her. Someone needs to help her. Those people are us. The doctors are letting her slip through the cracks, her caregiver is not giving care, and she is slowly slipping away. Every person who should have been protecting her has let her down. I vow then and there that I won't. But God, why? Why is it so complicated? Why do I have to care? Why does this have to be so heartbreaking, and hard, and........smelly......and .......dirty?
Because Valerie, I didn't just call you to adopt a baby, I called you to care for the least of these. That command stands......... always.
He whispers truth, and I know what he means. I must do whatever I can to bring her love, and care and comfort. With God, I will.
I was wrecked for her that whole night, and all the next day. I was on the phone all day with transits trying to see if we can find her transportation to the better hospitals. NONE. No one will take her that far. Not one.
The good news:
~God moved so deeply in my moms heart at the plight of *Sandy*, that she has arranged for Sandy to have a personal assistant come in once weekly for 8 hours and clean the house, grocery shop, prepare meals, bathe her, wash her laundry, check on her bed sores, and change the bed linens. PRAISE JESUS!
~I have decided that I will do what ever is in my power to help her not feel alone. I called her and asked her permission to go to all her doctor appointments, regardless of how many, and be an advocate for her, fighting for her rights, and making sure no one ignores her or pushes her around. She happily agreed and that is the plan. She will be protected by me like a sister. Not just a "woman having my adopted son"
~My sweet and precious friends here at my church are all praying for her and have decided to have a huge garage sale and give all proceeds directly to Sandy.
~I was so worried about her dying because the doctors were not checking on her adequately, nor understanding the depth of her poor health. My fear was that she would either die at home soon, or go into labor and not know it (she feels nothing from the ribs down), possibly causing herself and the baby to die. But I received word yesterday from Sandy that she was in the hospital recovering from a blood transfusion and that she had been there a few days. I was so scared for her, but rejoicing that they were now being forced to look at her, run tests, and possibly refer her finally to the specialist. She is still there.
There are so many things that this is teaching me. First, handing over situations that I have no control over and not giving into worry. My sweet son, is in a situation I do not wish for him. He is being exposed to several prescription medications and his sweet momma is just so sick and stressed, I am not sure what nutrition if any he is receiving. But God loves her. And God lives Ethan. And God loves me. His will is perfect.
Be in prayer my sweet friends. Lift us all up and let God receive Glory!
Birth Mom.and doctor apt.
Tomorrow, my husband and I are taking lunch to the birth mother and father of our future son. This is far beyond anything I had imagined I would be doing in this journey. As so many of you know, I was researching and planning and on board with international adoption for sooooooo long that the thought of "birth mother" rarely crossed my mind. I thought "orphanage" and plenty of other words and scenarios, but birth mom? Not so much. But then things changed. God just abruptly picked us up off one path and deposited us on another.
I want to love her and show her that love with my actions, but how do I do that without....well.....freaking her out??
Truly, I don't know what it will be like to sit and have a meal at their house tomorrow. Will it be awkward? Maybe. Will I have a clue what I am doing? NO way. But I know God must guide us, to be for them, what we need to be. I just want to wrap my arms around her, yet I am so afraid. Afraid of what she might think or interpret, afraid I will push her away with my love. But here goes. We officially meet tomorrow. Following the meal I will go with her to her doctor appointment, and she will decide in the waiting room whether or not she wants me to go in the room with her. Pray for Jake and I. Pray for the birth Mother and Father. Here we go........
The Call.
So here's the good stuff.........
Thursday:
On Thursday afternoon I was watering my back yard and picking up dog poo (my life is super glamorous right?) when I heard my cell ring. I decided not to try and leap through the poo I was picking up in order to run and get it, so I ignored it. Luckily my daughter answered it. Next thing I knew, my sister (who was over visiting with me that day) was coming outside with my phone and said "Valerie, someone from Adoption Network is on the phone". My heart dropped.
"Don't get excited Valerie. Don't get excited! It's probably just a "check in" phone call" That's what I was telling myself as my sister walked towards me with the phone. Those 6 long steps it took her to get to me seemed like 6 miles.
"Hello, Valerie, this is Martha (name changed for privacy) from Adoption Network, and I think I have a possible match for you"
I was waiting for the surge of adrenalin. That heart racing type of excitement. At least a smile to cross my face. But still I held back. Held back my heart from this moment. Not wanting it to be crushed.
I said "OH, really, well tell me the situation"
She went on to describe a situation that broke my heart. I cannot reveal too many details about the birth mom's life, but I can tell you several things that stood out to me. One of them, was that she had five children already. That's when my mind when on "processing mode". I KNEW when I heard that, that she would change her mind. I just knew it. How can someone with 5 children place their sixth for adoption? I am not saying that in a judgmental tone, but a tone of compassion. I knew she was in a tough spot and I completely understood as to why she felt she needed to place this child for adoption. But in my heart at the time I thought "she is going to make this decision now, but she will take one look at that child and change her mind."
Then the worker for ANLC (adoption network law center) said the second thing that sent my mind reeling, she said both the mother and father have MS. "crap Valerie, think!!! what's MS??? what's MS???? It has to do with the nervous system I think. Is it genetic?? If it is, when will it effect the baby??"
After that the woman says "Oh and she lives in California about an hour and a half from you"
"WOW GOD, your amazing." That is specifically what I had been praying for. I knew the odds of getting a child in California were small. There is 50 states in this country and ANLC works in all of them. So we knew the odds were that we would probably have to go out of state. Which of course, I wouldn't mind, given the circumstances! A baby is a wonderful reason to travel :-) BUT, we also had heard stories of couples being stuck in states for almost a month after the baby was born due to the varying laws from state to state that regulate the taking of infants across state lines before all paperwork is completed. 4 weeks in a hotel is A LOT of money. Money we weren't sure we had. That's a lot of time also for my kids to be away. Anyhow, one night I just remembered that God says "You have not because you ask not", so I asked Him "Lord, I will be grateful for any child, but if it's possible, can the child be born in California?" And so He did, as I requested. He is so good.
So Martha for ANLC finally asked, after giving all the details she could at that time, if we would be willing to accept a child that has the possibility of one day having MS, and also a birth Father who wants visits and letters and pictures. I told her that my husband and I had already discussed whether or not we would accept a match to a child with disabilities or possible disabilities, and we had firmly come to the conclusion that we would. I told her that I was pretty certain that we would not turn this opportunity away, but that I had to quickly call my husband who had just landed in North Carolina for a business trip and let him know.
Still my heart held back a little.
I called my husband. Poor guy was surrounded by soldiers and could barely hear. He finally got to a quiet area of the room and I told him all that I knew. I told him my fears of the mother changing her mind, and my fears of the MS, but that I was 100% on board if he was. He said "I am absolutely on board. Remember Valerie, if she changes her mind then that is OK, we did not get into this to take a child, but adopt one who needs to be adopted." I love that man.
I called Martha back and told her. She said that she would now present our profile to the couple. The couple had not even picked us! Martha did. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this woman. We had a wonderful talk after that. Words I will treasure in my heart.
She then told me that after she showed our profile to this couple, that they would then approve us or not.
I had to wait until 9am the next day to find out.
Still my heart held back a little.
Friday:
She called at 9 in the morning saying that they really liked us and would be glad to be matched with us.
We then scheduled a conference call with my husband in North Carolina for that afternoon so she could give us all the info that she had on the Birth Mother and Birth Father. We went through that conference call and felt so much more excited after that call.
My heart opened up a bit more each day of that weekend.
Monday:
We had a phone conference with me and my husband in our room, Martha at her office at ANLC and the Birth Father and Birth Mother at their place. It was awkward at first, but then turned into one of the most amazing phone calls of my life. I cannot tell you how many miraculous things that God worked in that phone call. Needless to say, it went well. We were really really really worried that when they found out what crazy homeschooling Christians we were, that they would run in the opposite direction. So even though one is an Atheist and one practices Wicca, AND I gave my testimony over the phone, they still thought they would love to place their precious son in our lives. Amazing.
After this phone call I realized that I could let my heart hope and love this child. Regardless of what may come. After talking with her I believe it is unlikely she will keep the child.
The next step will be meeting the couple. We are driving up to their city on November 8th. I am super nervous but I know God's hand is in this all.
Prayer requests:
~That God will use me to show them the love of Christ, without hesitation.
~That the baby survives this very difficult pregnancy, as the mother is very disabled with her MS and wheel chair bound. She is six and a half months pregnant and still not showing. But she is receiving medical care.
~That my heart will love fully and accept whatever is to come.
~That Jake and I would be able to qualify and be selected for grants to help us pay off our adoption debts.
More to come soon!!!
It's a.......
Hello beautiful people. I just wanted to quickly update and say that after only 48 hours after our profile being put online, we were matched! However, I have to say, that our profile had nothing to do with it. The agency actually picked us for this couple. But more on that to come in another post. We are so very happy and excited about this news. We found out yesterday. I will write a longer post soon with more details but for now, I can say that God's hand is in this for sure!
Oh and by the way..................it's a ..............BOY! The babies due date is February 5th :-)
Be in prayer for us as a family, and for our witness to this precious couple. Pray that we would show them God's love. Pray for the safety of this precious boy.
What drives us?
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on the "decision" of adoption. For the past few weeks I have been battling (again) the fears of what may or may not come of all of this. I think to myself..
What if it all falls apart? What if we get matched and the mom changes her mind? What if they call us with a child with severe special needs? Will we walk in faith enough to choose to say YES to that situation? What if...............
But as with all things in my life over the past few months I have been choosing to not set my fears in front of me. What I mean by that is that they may float around in my head, but Christ will not let them settle in my heart. Still there are times where the mind goes a mile and minute, the heart starts to race, then..........
"Let it go Beloved, it was never your decision to begin with. It was mine. Give your burden to me"
Such sweet comforts our God whispers, does He not? And so again I let it go. Yet with all this thinking, heartache, money, worry, time, and waiting, I can't help but ask "What is driving us to do this?"
I know we have been asked on more than one occasion "Oh your adopting? Well that will be nice to have a baby in the house again. Three is really a nice number of children"
I can tell you right now definitively that "having a baby in the house" or having "three" children as opposed to our two, is NOT, I repeat NOT motivation enough for Jake and I to adopt. Don't get me wrong, adoption is precious, but Jake and I would have given up a long time ago if our motivation was as simple as that. No, lately as I wait, I know more than ever what drives us.
HIM.
He is the creator of all things, lover of all things, and protector of the helpless. What is more helpless than humans? What human is more helpless than a child?
It is His love that works itself in our hearts through His spirit to move us ever closer in this direction. I recently had the amazing privilege of hearing Katie Davis founder of Amazima ministries speak at a local church. She said something in a video they played before she came out to speak that has really stuck with me. She said that sometimes people tell her how lucky she is to know Gods plan for her life at such a young age. She said something along the lines of "Well I'm not "lucky". God's plan for everyone is in the Bible. It says in the Bible to love your neighbor as yourself. Well myself doesn't like to starve, so therefore I shouldn't want others to starve". Katie does more than help the starving people of Uganda. At 21 years of age she has also adopted 14 precious little girls that she is raising by herself.
I feel like that about adoption. My flesh wants to turn away from this whole process sometimes. I want to run back to our easy life of two independent older children. But my Spirit cries louder than my flesh. It cries out to nurture and care for those who have no family. Katie makes such an excellent point. If I am to love my neighbor as myself, well anyone who knows me knows that I hate to be lonely. Do I ever want any child to be without a family when I could be their family?
This is what drives us. When we are in the Word and in prayer, we know His will for our lives is to always live sacrificially. Something I know I have not lived. But I pray Christ will forgive me and help mold me into a person who lives for His glory and lives for my neighbor. Every time I want to give in to fear and quit on this whole process, the Spirit urges on softly...
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I want to care for the Orphan because He does.
I was once an Orphan as well. Yes, I had a Mother and Father, but I was as lost as an orphan could be. Then He came. Adopted me as his child, and my life has never been the same. I love how it is put in John 14:18 as Jesus is speaking to His Disciples "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
Praise God he has come for us! Let us then press forward and come for those who are also in need.
