Can I admit, that things are hard? That fostering is hard? It is. We have not even hit the 24 hour mark, and things are difficult. There are lots of little issues that I feel confident to deal with, but the hard ones, are the ones that effect my own children. My daughter, is my helper, my sweetie, my worrier, is taking it so hard. Not in the way you would naturally think. She feels so sorry for these sweet children that her empathy has caused tears already three time. But she also feels shame that she is already having a hard time dealing with all the crying that little "T" has been doing lately. I have explained to her that it is normal for him to cry a lot, and to throw fits. I also told her that it is normal for her to feel sorry, and angry, and scared, all at the same time. I feel the same way. She is clinging to me for comfort, and also retreating from realty by sneaking off and putting her nose into a book. Does this scare me? Absolutely. Is it very possible this will all calm down with a few days of good routine and getting to know one another? It's possible. We will see how it goes. All I know now is things are hard. I am praying for strength from our Heavenly Father, for strength in taking care of the least of these, but also taking care of the ones God had entrusted to me. Be praying for us too, will ya?
More to come on this fostering update. I only squeezed this one in because both foster children happen to be sleeping.
Till then.
Can I admit...
Our new chore system.
I am going to post some pictures on a very simple chore system we are using right now. I just came up with it one day because I realized I had everything I needed to make them. I love not spending extra money, it makes me seriously giddy to recycle things in my house and give them new uses. First I have to say that there was nothing wrong with our old chore system (we did chore packs=cards or "post it notes" with chores written or drawn on them, then shoved inside a clear badge that attaches to the child). It worked great, but I was sensing it was time to change things up a bit. My kids are military kids, and you have to keep them on their toes sometimes :)
Anyhow, where was I?
Oh yes! The new chore system. Soo first I went to Microsoft Word and found clip art of some chores I wanted the kids to do. You would not believe all the clip art you can find on that thing!
For instance..
A picture of a Cat= do litter box
A picture of a lady washing dishes= wash some dishes
A picture of a dishwasher= empty dishwasher (or whatever things you know how to)
A picture of a toy= put away all the toys on your bedroom floor
A picture of a hanger= hang up or fold all you clothes in your bedroom
A picture of a child brushing his teeth= well, you get the picture (pun intended)
Anyhow, as you can see I just put them on a Word Document, then printed them all out (I made doubles because I have two children and they each need their own pictures for their chore list).
Then I took my laminator (they sell these at Sams club for a very decent price and we love ours) and laminated the page with the clip art then cut them into small squares.
After that I took a roll of magnet tape (the thick kind) that we had laying around and cut smaller squares and attached it to the back side of the laminated clip art picture. I was able to attach it easily because the magnet tape roll had an adhesive side on it.
After that I took these LARGE white magnets that I had attached to the side of my refrigerator. I had bought these in the winter at Walmart because they claimed you could just simply put them up on some of the vents in your house that are not being used as much, and it would keep the cold draft form seeping in. They were not the right size for our vents AND they did not stay on. So we had these random huge rectangle magnets on our fridge for 4 months. Finally they have a use.
OK I did it again.....rabbit trail........
Sooooo I wrote in permanent marker a child's name on each one, then divided them in half and wrote "morning" on one side and "evening" on the other. Because once a day is not enough to have kids helping around the house. I'm just sayin....
Then all you do is put the magnet chart and clip arts low enough to be eye level with children and VIOLA! you have a chart. I simply walk over to the fridge in the morning, after I turn my coffee machine on, and put some "chores" onto their "charts". They magnetize perfectly and the children simply take them off the chart when they are done. We love it. It works for us. The pictures are so easy and I can change the chores daily if I feel like it. I like that freedom. For instance if the child fusses at doing his chores I simply let him know that I will add another chore if he whines, and then of course follow through if he/she doesn't stop immediately. Having that option of adding chores if necessary is not used often, but when it is used, it is highly effective and VERY handy :)
The last picture is the finished product with ALL the chores on the list. I did this only to show you all the clip art I made. I usually though only have about five for the morning and five for the evening, give or take.
Totally awesome superrific update.
Jake is not going to Iraq. At least that is the most recent news :) With the Army you can never be super sure about anything. But as of right now, they are not taking Him. Praise the Lord. Thank you to anyone who prayed. Although I know they could change their minds and take him at the last minute, I still praise my God in the midst of unknowns, and as of right now.....this news rocks! Here are some pictures of my totally cute kids, just because.
Crazy Storms.
OK, so I knew when I moved to Oklahoma I was headed to tornado alley, (although I was sort of already in it while living in Arkansas), but SHEESH, this is a lot of storms. In the few short months we have been here, there have been ice storms, blizzards, tornado's, hail, thunderstorms, flooding, and days with over 100 degree temps. I think the storms here like to mimic my life, HA!
So here are some updates...
~Jake is still going to deploy (we do not know yet if it's Iraq or Afghanistan)
~We are still hoping, praying and *trying* to get pregnant
~We are still deciding on where I should live while Jake is overseas(stay here in Oklahoma or return to California for that year to be closer to family)
~Our adoption process is, to say the least, still up in the air.
God is sustaining me as always. I want to fall apart, fall into worry, fall into pity, or fall into depression, but He just wont let me. He keeps bringing fantastic things and people into my life, to balance out the craziness that seems to be our future. Here are some great things that keep me and my kids sane and lifted up...
~I have a fantastic walking buddy whom I walk with 3 times a week(3 miles each time)
~Ireland has a great sewing teacher as well as a violin/piano teacher, both of whom we love.
~Jake is working a little less than his usual 70 hours a week. yay!!!!
~My kids are the best kids ever and our summer schooling is going great!
~I know some of the most amazing Christian ladies out here, and they serve me coffee whenever I want it :)
~I just recently starting attending a bible study at church, and I am loving me some Beth Moore.
~lastly, simply His Word.
Hope all is well with everyone! Have a great week. I will not be on here much due to the fact that my computer had to be sent away for repair. Apparently it thought it was funny to throw some horizontal lines through my screen and make them dance the jig. No fun. So anyways, I have to borrow my husbands computer to come check the blog and he is a little selfish with it spends a lot of time on it, so I wont be on much.
comments.
If you have ever posted a comment and it never showed up, please email me at sgtswife03@yahoo.com and let me know. My blog dashboard does this weird thing when I go to my personal page. Sometimes it will say "you have 2 comments waiting to be moderated" and then I will click on it and it will say " you have no comments awaiting moderation". Then its gone. Then sometime later, like when I write the next post, it will say "you have one comment waiting to be moderated" then I click and it will say again that I have none. So I do not know if this is a glitch or something that is "eating" my comments from friends and family. I have had one person so far tell me they have commented and nothing ever happened. So I am curious to see if there's more, because I have never ever rejected a comment. So let me know will ya!
Viewing children as plants.
About a year and a half ago, I came across an article in HSLDA (Homeschool Legal Defense Association) magazine. I was fairly new to homeschooling but knew in my heart that at the core of my homeschooling decision was to protect my kids. Although I did not believe that all children, in all schools were in danger(emotionally, physically)but I knew that this was something I felt greatly about for my own children. I knew people were thinking I was "sheltering" my kids. I knew the argument in the secular world for keeping kids in school. I even knew the argument from the Christian world for keeping kids in school. Either way, I hated the thought of people accusing me of that dreaded word......SHELTERING. When you add to it the fact we let our children watch little to no TV, well we were just plain weird.
Then I read the article. I wish so badly I had the magazine still, for I know that the Author worded it much better than I ever could. But none the less I will try.
Is sheltering BAD? What does sheltering mean? What are we sheltering them from?
To answer some of the questions the Author compared children to garden plants. Let's say you want to grow your very own fruits, vegetables, and beautiful flowers. Unlike me when I first started gardening, you probably know the basics of what to do. But we are going to look at a type of gardening that gives plants THE BEST chance of survival and fruit bearing. Of course we all know that we can hoe up a piece of ground, scatter some seed and hope for the best. After about 80 percent or more of those seeds are dead, you may have a plant or two pop up and possibly thrive.....possibly. But as I said, lets look at gardening with the plants in mind, not ease.
You start some time towards the end of winter with dirt, seeds, and little containers in which to grow them in. You plant them indoors or preferably in a greenhouse, where they will be safe from the freezing temperatures that would quickly destroy the young plant. You also keep them indoors for a time to better their odds of surviving the seed loving birds. You then watch the weather, and as it seems to warm up just a bit, you take the plants and give them some time outside. Not too much time, but just enough to strengthen them a bit, and help them get used to a harsher climate. Then they are brought back indoors and away from the long cold night. Do this again, and again. Gradually you leave them for longer and longer periods until they are ready to be planted. Even then however, you check the soil for correct chemical balance and make sure its soft and and ready. You again check the weather to be sure you are not in for an overly rainy week, which could drown out your precious plants. Then make sure the place you plant it has direct sunlight and is hopefully free of pests and pets that could make a snack out of it. After all that, the work has now only just begun. There is watering, weeding, and trimming the plant back to be sure that all the life giving nutrients are going to the fruit and not just a bunch of extra leaves. As it grows stronger, and larger it begins to bear fruit in its season. It is then that you have the great pleasure of just "checking in on it" from time to time. You stop by just to make sure no weed, bug, or disease is killing it, but mostly just to grab some luscious fruit or nutritious veggie. You reap the rewards of all your labor, care, and concern.
Sooo, lets now look at sheltering children in light of what we know about plants. Are children completely ready for what happens and is taught in "modern schools"? Or taught on TV or in other forms of modern media?
The age a child starts school completely varies country to country. In our country the average age to start school is 5. However, the average child is in enrolled in preschool by the age of 3. So if we think briefly about these "plants" (children) do we honestly feel they are strengthened, prepared, and ready for 8 hours of all that school can be? School can be fun, and a learning experience. HOWEVER school for a lot of children can also be a scary and confusing place. I will go into some of the vast differences between old school houses and our modern government schools later, but for now, I really want to look at the point of sheltering.
Just as the gardener took special care of her plant to see it to its full potential, so we as parents are called to do the same. I believe we have forgotten what it means to "raise" children. We say we are raising our children, but truly, are we? The very definition of Raise is to Grow, Cultivate, to bring to maturity.
Who are they with the majority of the day? Who are they learning from? What are they watching?
I have to say, that 3, 4, and 5 year olds are not mature. They are not grown. They are not ready to be gone eight hours a day without showing the scars of it. Let's leave homeschooling aside and look at all kids whether they be homeschooled, private schooled or public.
* Are we taking into consideration, what they are doing eight hours of the day?
* Are they with friends who consistently tempt them to do wrong? (I say consistently because all kids have the potential to do wrong and lead others to do the same)
* Do they watch TV or music videos that shows violence and sexuality?
* Are we protecting them from having to grow up too early.
I could go on and on with the questions I must ask myself and I believe all parents should ask. But it boils down to, how am I helping them "turn from evil and do good"? What am I teaching them with the time I have with them? Am I helping them "think on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute" as the bible commands in Philippians 4:8? How am I doing this? WHEN am I doing this. Parenting is action. Parenting is proactive. And often, parenting means sheltering and protecting your little plants.
When to stop sheltering?
I honestly cannot say an age. It is when that child has been taught and shown all we can teach them for life and godliness. When they can be trusted to make good decisions. I truly think it's odd that we sometimes think children are suddenly adults when they turn 18. Even in completely "uncultured" or "barbaric" (as they are sometimes falsely called) cultures the children have a coming of age time and it usually revolves around a time in a young man or young woman's life when they are able to accomplish something. Able to climb a mountain, able to run a farm, able to hunt and kill and animal, able to take a wife and care for her. I may not agree with all those models as a way to tell of a child's maturity, but I have to say its a much better model then what we have in America. We say, sit through some of the most dumbed down curriculum in the world for twelve years, party it up, go to FIVE dances a year, don't hold down a job, and now that your 18, your a fully matured adult, ready for life.
When I think of the plant scenario, I no longer see sheltering as a bad thing. It is thrown around as such a dirty bad word. Like if you shelter your children you somehow make then unprepared, when in fact the opposite is true. We know that children who have not come to maturity and are not yet grown, need guidance...hourly guidance. They need our wisdom, our discipline, our boundaries. But the position of "raising" and teaching our children, has been taken out of our hands. And we let it. We are told, children need to make their own choices when it comes to style, music, shows, and friends. We are told we cannot possible educate our children(even though most American parents have more education by the time their children are born than does the average person in this world).
I say to all of this.....NO. Simply NO. We can raise our children, we can educate our children. We can choose for them what is good and bad in eating, and dress, and music and friends. We not only can, but it is OUR JOB. We only have a few short years in their life to be influential. They will soon be on their own making their own decisions, as they well should. But wouldn't it be a waste if we let them have that total freedom way too soon? When they are not yet prepared for it? Let's take those years and make the best of them. Protect them while you can, for it will not last long at all in the scheme of life.
In the meantime...
They also need to be taught. Taught right and wrong. Taught what God says about things. Taught that not all "facts" presented in Science class are facts. Taught how to treat other children, their parents, their neighbors, and the elderly. They need to be taught to question the society in which it lives to see if it lines up with they know to be true and good.
Children also need discipline. Lots of it. They need daily, sometimes minute by minute instruction on how not to be selfish, or hurtful, and bitter, how not to steal, bite, scream, slap, or spit (or is that just my kids ;)
This is all part of the raising process. The balance of protecting the plants from the harsh environment while they are yet young and unable to handle it, and then also preparing them for the time in which they will have to go it alone without parents. The two go hand in hand.
We cannot discipline only but not shelter. I know a lot of people who had rules on "not having sex before marriage" but were allowed access to Internet and became sex addicts through pornography. Or had unlimited dates with boyfriends and were unable to turn away from such freedom and temptation. We can tell children not to "be this or that", or "DO this or that", but if we do not provide an environment that is most conducive for that outcome, then we truly are not helping them at all.
However if all we ever do is shelter, and never prepare them for their freedom to come then we have also failed. If we do not discuss sexuality in some child and age appropriate form at some point, the world will. And the worlds answers will sound a whole lot better than no answer at all. The same goes for drugs, assumptions in the Theory of Evolution, male and female roles, appropriate dress, marriage, children, and doctrine.
To close I say this. Sheltering is now no longer an insult to me, but a blessing, knowing I am doing my job to "raise", protect, teach, and guide the children that have been entrusted to me.
So are you Sheltering your kids?
Whats new here.
OK here are some stuff on my mental "thought list"
*Husband is being deployed to Iraq AGAIN!
*Crap, where should I live when he leaves?
*How many trips can I squeeze in for California in one year?
*Oh wow, what if I get pregnant before he leaves?
*What if I DON'T get pregnant before he leaves?
*What about the adoption process?
also less dramatic stuff like....
*Do I really like the bangs I just got cut?
*How should I celebrate my husbands graduation form college next month?
*Should I really sign back up to flylady just to learn to clean my kitchen?
So there you have it. This is my life lately. Filled with thoughts, thoughts, and wouldn't you know it....MORE THOUGHTS!
God has been so good to me lately though. Every time I want to loose it, God pulls me through. I literally feel Him, like I would feel a hand, grip me and pull me out. Out of my tantrums, my pity, my anger,my tears, my pity, my fear, my worry, my....did I mention pity??
Just when I think that I cannot think anymore, He fills me with His peace and I get almost giddy with Joy. He did it to me this morning again and it reminds me just how cool I think God is.
Anyhow, as I am sure you have caught, Jake is probably going to Iraq in January. I know it may seem like a HUGE relief that it is so far away (last time we only got 28 days notice) but it poses it's own problems knowing this far in advance. There is planning and worrying, and that big looming clock that hangs over you. I'm just sayin.
I am going to try my best not to complain, gripe, whine, or do any of those other annoying things I tend to do when things don't go my way. But there are no guarantees :)
And yes, we will continue on the previous series soon. Take care and have a great night!
