OK here are some stuff on my mental "thought list"
*Husband is being deployed to Iraq AGAIN!
*Crap, where should I live when he leaves?
*How many trips can I squeeze in for California in one year?
*Oh wow, what if I get pregnant before he leaves?
*What if I DON'T get pregnant before he leaves?
*What about the adoption process?
also less dramatic stuff like....
*Do I really like the bangs I just got cut?
*How should I celebrate my husbands graduation form college next month?
*Should I really sign back up to flylady just to learn to clean my kitchen?
So there you have it. This is my life lately. Filled with thoughts, thoughts, and wouldn't you know it....MORE THOUGHTS!
God has been so good to me lately though. Every time I want to loose it, God pulls me through. I literally feel Him, like I would feel a hand, grip me and pull me out. Out of my tantrums, my pity, my anger,my tears, my pity, my fear, my worry, my....did I mention pity??
Just when I think that I cannot think anymore, He fills me with His peace and I get almost giddy with Joy. He did it to me this morning again and it reminds me just how cool I think God is.
Anyhow, as I am sure you have caught, Jake is probably going to Iraq in January. I know it may seem like a HUGE relief that it is so far away (last time we only got 28 days notice) but it poses it's own problems knowing this far in advance. There is planning and worrying, and that big looming clock that hangs over you. I'm just sayin.
I am going to try my best not to complain, gripe, whine, or do any of those other annoying things I tend to do when things don't go my way. But there are no guarantees :)
And yes, we will continue on the previous series soon. Take care and have a great night!
Whats new here.
comments section
Hello beautiful people! Just wanted to let you know something really quick about the layout of my blog. MOST blogs have a comment button on the bottom of their post. My blog however, has the "comment" button on the top right hand side of my post directly under my title....do you see it? Anyhow, I have had some family ask who were confused, and some sweet friends of mine were leaving comments in posts which I believed belonged to the post above it. Just something I thought I would point out. So if you would like to leave a comment, just click on the comment button on the upper right side of the post directly below the title. :)
Have a super blessed day!
p.s. I am torn between two posts. I want to continue my "modesty" posts, which I am so passionate about. However we have had some changes in my home lately, so I think I may post about that once. Then I will get back in to the post I promised about, "Kids are....plants".
Modesty and ....Beyonce?
I wanted to write about this video, but decided I would not, given how angry and sad I would get. I probably would not make very much sense in my ramblings of "where this world has gone wrong". A woman named Vicki Courtney did blog about it however and I am sending you there to read more about this horrific video (if you have not seen the video, I feel I cannot post it, but I originally saw it on CNN). Please visit this blog to read about it and to discover YET another reason, why we need to draw the line somewhere in MODESTY.
Modesty and our boys.
OK this post is MUCHO delayed. I am so sorry for that. For one, I have had a lot going on, for two (for two?? that makes no sense, but get used to that on this blog)I have been enjoying getting back into the swing of being very productive in my home. I go in cycles of having a clean organized home with a homeschooing schedule to boot, and rotate that with lack of motivation and total chaos. Anyone else have that problem? Just bein' real.
Anyhow....
Boys. Boys. Boys. Gotta love them, but there are so many needs there. Raising them through the teenage years I am sure will come with ten times the issues I am going to address here. For the time being however, my little guy is only six, so I will speak of what I know from him and from watching others.
This series will continue on in future posts because I am certain I will not fit it all in tonight. But to give you an idea of some things to come, here are two major topics that will be discussed throughout the next few days (or weeks, depending on my life, or lack there of:)
*How to help boys have pure eyes in a visually lust saturated world
*What role do we as mothers play, in our son's view on marriage, dating, and girls in general?
First lets tackle the immodesty all around us. Now sometimes when I say "immodesty" we will tend to think of some scabby infectious disease that we want to stay away from. However, as we dug deeper into it with the "Girls and modesty" posts, we can easily realize two things about Modesty....
1~ Most of have struggled (and do still struggle) with truly being modest whether we are aware of it or not
2~ Being unloving towards immodest people does not bring them to repentance. God's heart, His word, and a good friends loving advice will though.
So with this in mind, we start in the home.
Mom's and our modesty
To be completely honest, my brother was nine years older than me and gone most of my life. So it was primarily my mom, my sister, and me in the house. With three girls around each other so often, modesty was NOT practiced. Nor do I think it was a big deal that it wasn't. We often changed in front of one another, showered together if the hot water was to run out, and even went to the bathroom while the other was also in the bathroom doing hair. I know I know, wayyyyyy too much info there. But I said it was going to get honest.
Needless to say, as I became a mom and had a girl first, I wasn't all that concerned about her seeing my nakedness. I often changed in front of my little one and showered with her on days when we were in a big hurry. But then I had my boy.
As a young baby and toddler, I still thought very little about modesty with him. I barely covered more with him than I did with my daughter. As he got older however (around 5) I began to teach him about the immodesty we saw on TV. At that time we had TV in our home and lots of it. I was just opening my eyes to all the content it was bringing into our home, but wasn't quite ready to let it go. So one day something was on and I was having a conversation with my daughter about a commercial that played. We were discussing that it was not proper to dress like the girls on screen because God honors our bodies, and when we dress like that, we do NOT. I noticed my little guy was listening. To make a very long story short, I started to include him in on those conversations I was having with his big sister.
We started using a code word that we "stole" from a Duggars episode. The word was "Nike". Anytime we saw something that was too explicit for my little guys eyes, his sister or I would say "Nike" and he was to look at his shoes so he could avoid seeing it, until it was out of our line of vision. Well one day I got out of bed to make him breakfast and he basically looked me over and said "Mom, your dressed Nike". I knew then two things..
1~That boy caught on quicker than I thought.
2~I better find myself some new pajamas.
It really got me thinking about the representation that even myself and his sister set. For if I was truly passionate about what my son was forced to see, then certainly I wanted to pave the way in my own home, with myself and my daughter.
So we started in the home. We threw out the T.V.'s.....well most of them. We kept one for movie watching. But even that was not often used. But no more cable, no more pointless shows, no more violent, immodest, corrupt commercials were going to invade the eyes of my children, when I had the choice. We can complain about TV and Hollywood all day long in our Christian circles but we must remember, they are INVITED GUESTS into most Christian homes. TV does not force itself in and turn itself on. Hollywood is not in business because it is unpopular.
We also changed some of the clothes myself and my daughter had in our closets, and employed the NIKE code word, when at all necessary.
More on the code word.
Well the word "Nike" has become more than a word in our house. It has taken on the meaning of Psalm 101:3a "I will set NO vile thing before my eyes..." and also Proverbs 4:14-15 "Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on."
There is such wisdom in simply turning AWAY from sin and temptation. Not looking, glaring, and thinking upon it. Especially when we are young. For how do we expect to train ourselves to do something in adulthood that was NEVER practiced from youth?
We have only been using the word "Nike" for a little over a year now, but it has been miraculous in the changes it has made. We went from a family who paid little mind to what was around (so desensitized to it because of our own exposure to it at a young age) to seeing things turly for what they are. My son will now look down without any reminding or prompting. The only time we have to use the word is so that he will not get caught off guard. For instance when we are in the grocery store in the checkout line, my son knows the magazines on the racks are very "Nike" so he looks down. I have no need to say "don't look at those! those are half dressed women!" (not that I would say it that way anyhow). If we walk through target or the mall, and I am busy doing something and I glance over and see his head down I look around and sure enough, we are passing Victoria's Secret or the underwear aisle in a store. He makes me so proud that at age six, he still has not a clue, all that those images will do to him one day when his hormones and interests change. But all he knows now is that it does not honor His God therefore, he wants no part in it. How cool is that? (and by the way, if you think he looks away because he is afraid of being punished if he is caught looking, that is not true. We have NEVER punished for not looking away. We simply explained the meaning of the term, why we are using it, what God says about it, and that was it. With the exception of the first couple of months, he has always looked away when the word was said)
Now, one day when he is older, the temptation to stare and no longer turn away will be much stronger. He will have to fight that battle without me, but I will have at least stated the Truth of what it is (a trap to sin), and how to escape (to turn away). I will have prepared him for a battle. We cannot send our sons out unprepared for battle and expect victory. That is why God gave them to us as small helpless babes......to train them.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go,and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Deuteronomy 6:7
You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
I love those verses. Every time I am tired and want to give up, they give me hope. But it is work. It will always be work. And we may not always see the fruit of it. But it is commanded none the less. We MUST train our children.
OK my arms hurt, I am done for the night.
Next post will be on the topic of "kids are......plants??"
You'll see. It ties in, I swear.
coming soon.
coming soon to a theater near you.....
okay, for real, my next post will be about modesty, and how it effects boys. What can we do, when it is EVERYWHERE?
Modesty and little girls.
What does modesty teach little girls? How to dress? I truly believe it goes WAY beyond how to dress. I believe in guidance in that area, and I also believe in modeling modest dress in order to help guide them in that area. However, how we dress and how the people we look up to dress says a lot. Says more than we intend.
The two issues I want to primarily address tonight are these...
*How our lack of guidance in helping them dress modestly tells them we are hypocrites.
*How our lack of discussing the world around us, and how they dress, tells them we are not really serious about purity.
Let's tackle the first one. Hypocrite is a strong word, with strong emotion attached to it, simply because everyone HATES to be called a hypocrite. However, its the one thing we are almost guaranteed to be at one point or another in our life. Most of the time when we are being hypocritical, we are not even aware.
When we claim to be followers of Christ and His word, we claim to believe it. We make the claim that what is written in the word means something to us. So if we have a passion for purity we should have a passion for modesty. the two are more closely interlinked than I think we realize.
Lets say I tell a young man that it is important to be a young man of God and to act in a righteous way and be pure. Then I leave speaking with him, go to the youth group and pick up my teen daughter who is dressed like her favorite teen star. Hannah Montana for instance. Maybe this is how she dresses......
What does that say to that young man you just mentored about the importance of purity, when he sees you picking up your teen daughter dressed like that? What it says to him is "She does not really care if I stay pure, because she obviously does not practice that in her home."
While I made it clear (I hope) in my last post that we should NOT stand in condemnation of others, but love them. I am talking however, about how we are raising OUR daughters. So we have choice in how we want to raise them, how we would like them to dress. Even if you believe in giving your children a lot of freedom in what they wear (I like to give my daughter a lot of freedom in this area), you can still give good boundaries and ground rules to guide them.
Not all girls struggle with immodesty. For instance I know this sweet little girl Emilee who would never dress like that. She is just too sweet, and well...confident. Most girls however do not have the luxury of being totally confident in themselves. They will, without proper, loving, truth filled, guidance, dress in the way that gets them the most attention and compliments.
Sadly our society tends to compliment young girls in their beauty when they look more like this
and this...
If those same beautiful girls dressed more like this...
Do you think they would get the SAME attention? Do you think everyone would notice how "drop dead gorgeous" they are? No, sadly not. Although most of us would admit that the young women truly are beautiful, they would not be put on magazine covers or cast in many movies. Speaking of magazines, teen idols, and movies, I will now go into my second statement which was...
*How our lack of discussing the world around us, and how they dress, tells them we are not really serious about purity.
Unfortunately in today's culture you have to step it up a notch to be noticed, because we are so totally unaware anymore of what true beauty is. It is sick to say, but unless that young, up and coming, teen idol can "turn on" half the men in our country, they will not make it very far. They may make it for a little while, but not to stardom. Why is that? It is our twisted view of beauty. God's view is obviously different. God DOES notice physical beauty. Same way we do. But he is concerned not with how great beauty is, but how it can sometimes be used for harm. As in Proverbs chapter 6 verse 25
"23For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;
And reproofs for discipline are the way of life
24To keep you from the evil woman,
From the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
25Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.
And in Proverbs 31:30
"30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
And in Ezekiel 16:5
"But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your fame, and you poured out your harlotries on every passer-by who might be willing."
Now given, the Ezekiel passage was used in reference to an entire nation, but I do say that its symbolism stands. He could not have used that word picture, if they would not have already understood what it meant when women trusted in beauty alone to provide for herself.
So is beauty bad? Not at all! God is beautiful! His creation is beautiful! His DAUGHTERS are beautiful! But when we allow our daughters to dress up their beauty in order to make it look sexy, then we have crossed over into something we never belonged. You see America uses the word beautiful and sexy interchangeably. They are NOT the same. However they are portrayed the same. It like when they say that red is the new black or 40 is the new 20. Well sexy is the new beautiful.
OK RABBIT TRAIL.....AHHHHHH.....where was I???
Oh yes my point about what our kids see. So lets say my daughter asks me
her: "hey mom?"
me "yes?"
her: "how come when I wear skirts they have to go past my knees?"
me: "well sweetheart, when we show too much of our legs, its not appropriate for others. I don't think it helps men be as righteous as they would like to when they can see everyone thighs."
her: "I am only a teenager though mom, I thought that was just important for grown ups and married people?"
me: "well if we don't draw the line now, when should we?"
her: "I dunno"
me: "well don't worry about it now, go hurry and get ready WERE GOING TO A TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT!!"
her: "yay! Mom your the best!!
Two hours later watching the Taylor Swift concert...
Do you see the problem?
We send messages. The message I just sent through that discussion and choice of concerts is this. "Well sweetie for you, in my house, we have some rules, but for others those rules don't apply. Those people just happen to be popular, amazing, beautiful, and well basically everyone likes them, including us!"
I am thinking that the first chance they get, they will go after the fame and glory or being popular, beautiful, and liked. And I may be wrong, but growing up watching the Disney channel and listening to the popular teen and preteen music stars, they are not going to think they will achieve that by dressing like this...
OK I am NOT saying your kids need to dress like that. It was the most hilarious picture I saw all night tonight. It made me laugh so hard I had to use it as my example. I think that its a Halloween costume......anyhow, you get my point.
So maybe our conversation could go like this...
Her: "mom why do we wear longer skirts than most girls?"
Me: insert same answer as above scenario
Her: "hey mom can we go to the Taylor Swift concert that's in town?"
Me: "while I would love to go with you sweetheart, I do not think it wise. I think Taylor is a super talented girl, and probably very sweet. But I think she is not being protected and guided like young girls should. I think it might set a bad example of our values if we went there. Would you like to join me in praying for her parents and those around her to help protect her and love her and tell her she is beautiful and that she needs not impress anyone?"
To sum up...
I don't think your girls need to look like the Amish to be modest (although if you do, then no judgment from me there either :)
I don't think this needs to be doctrine, nor do skirts need to be measured. We just need a little common sense. Am I preaching about purity or at least expecting it in my house, but doing nothing to help them and others achieve this goal? Am I expecting my kids to know better in how they dress, have set clothing boundaries in our home, yet filling my home with all the scantily clad role models of this world through television, posters, concerts, and music?
I am NOT against Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana, or even for that matter Brittney Spears. I truly do love them, and have felt the urge to pray for them many many times. NOT because I fear for their souls...but because I think they are kind of lonely and feel the pressure to always be sexy. That has to be a hard life. My prayer is for them to feel free enough to cover up a little and rely on talent not their waste size, breast size, or tan legs. Instead to feel the love of a Father who created them perfectly, loves them unconditionally, and has a plan for their lives that goes beyond ALL this.
Because I know the hate mail will come....
I do not think you are a bad mom for letting your kids listen to Taylor Swift or watch Hannah Montana (or highschool musical or any other tight shirt short skirt show). I think you love your kids, and you love others. I think you make it a habit not to stand in judgment of others so you never really paid attention to what they were wearing. But may I just say, your kids DO pay attention. They want to know who you think is beautiful, what your definition of beautiful is and why modesty is important to the end goal of purity.
reading between my lines?
Wow, I knew when I chose to discuss clothes, there would be some differing feelings on the issue. But I think some things need to be clarified before I move onto the next post on Modesty. OK here we go
* People who write on a topic do not necessarily feel superior in said topic, just passionate about it.
* Discussing feelings and opinions on a topic does not condemn those who do not feel the same.
*The great thing about following Christ is that at any given moment we can KNOW for certainty we don't know it all. That's why there is GRACE.
Speaking about modesty in a blog is hard to get across being that most who read this (primarily my grown adult friends who are Christians) do not really struggle with Modesty.
I truly don't think I personally even know more than a few women who actually dress in a way that truly is immodest. The reason I typed this series was not to address a RAMPANT immodesty issue in adult women in the church. I truly had the image of the young girls in the church. The girls age's 11-19 is where I think things need to be discussed, which I will do in the next post. I addressed adults in the last post not because I thought they needed lessons on modesty, but because I wanted to share some things I had not been aware of and did very innocently. Like bending over without realizing my top was exposing my breasts. The jeans issue was brought about by some men on a video I had watched, saying what hurt them spiritually was the style of clothes most women wore. It was tight jeans. So I took what THEY said into consideration. I then took a look at things are realized it would not be that hard for me to wear jeans that were not too tight, or hugged real low. I also started wearing longer tops in order to prevent the "panty show" I talked about in the last post. So when I discussed some of these things I had been discovering, it was in a way of suggestion, not condemnation. There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. It says so in the bible :)
I have discussed with a lot of friends this issue,and most said, as I did, that they had never even realized it. They then went home and asked their husbands if tight jeans and low cut tops, where a temptation for them. They were shocked to realize, it truly was. If I feel like this is something "I" am aware of now, and is just something I think we can discuss and keep in mind.
Having said all of that, I will continue to discuss the topic of modesty even though I am in no way perfect at it. Just like I will continue to discuss, love, patience, kindness, devotion, obedience, submission, health, and growing in the Lord, even though I am in NO WAY perfect in those areas :)
I truly believe that we as Christian sisters, should feel the freedom to discuss things, even when we don't have them down perfectly in our own lives. What kind of sisters in the faith would we be if we held each other to such a standard? We can in and through our faith in Christ, be able to agree to disagree. We should also be able to speak, guide, discuss, and train one another in righteousness. As long as our words are seasoned with salt and love we should not fear offending. I have learned sooo very much from my Christian sisters. Would I have learned if they had never spoken on any issue for fear of not being perfect? NO.
I wish I could write a WHOLE post on the Women whom I am blessed to call my friends, and the things they have taught me. (hummm maybe not a bad idea)
OK tomorrow, "How modesty is absent in a large portion of Christian youth,and how that shapes their thinking."
