Modesty and little girls.

What does modesty teach little girls? How to dress? I truly believe it goes WAY beyond how to dress. I believe in guidance in that area, and I also believe in modeling modest dress in order to help guide them in that area. However, how we dress and how the people we look up to dress says a lot. Says more than we intend.
The two issues I want to primarily address tonight are these...

*How our lack of guidance in helping them dress modestly tells them we are hypocrites.

*How our lack of discussing the world around us, and how they dress, tells them we are not really serious about purity.

Let's tackle the first one. Hypocrite is a strong word, with strong emotion attached to it, simply because everyone HATES to be called a hypocrite. However, its the one thing we are almost guaranteed to be at one point or another in our life. Most of the time when we are being hypocritical, we are not even aware.
When we claim to be followers of Christ and His word, we claim to believe it. We make the claim that what is written in the word means something to us. So if we have a passion for purity we should have a passion for modesty. the two are more closely interlinked than I think we realize.

Lets say I tell a young man that it is important to be a young man of God and to act in a righteous way and be pure. Then I leave speaking with him, go to the youth group and pick up my teen daughter who is dressed like her favorite teen star. Hannah Montana for instance. Maybe this is how she dresses......


What does that say to that young man you just mentored about the importance of purity, when he sees you picking up your teen daughter dressed like that? What it says to him is "She does not really care if I stay pure, because she obviously does not practice that in her home."

While I made it clear (I hope) in my last post that we should NOT stand in condemnation of others, but love them. I am talking however, about how we are raising OUR daughters. So we have choice in how we want to raise them, how we would like them to dress. Even if you believe in giving your children a lot of freedom in what they wear (I like to give my daughter a lot of freedom in this area), you can still give good boundaries and ground rules to guide them.

Not all girls struggle with immodesty. For instance I know this sweet little girl Emilee who would never dress like that. She is just too sweet, and well...confident. Most girls however do not have the luxury of being totally confident in themselves. They will, without proper, loving, truth filled, guidance, dress in the way that gets them the most attention and compliments.

Sadly our society tends to compliment young girls in their beauty when they look more like this


and this...


If those same beautiful girls dressed more like this...


Do you think they would get the SAME attention? Do you think everyone would notice how "drop dead gorgeous" they are? No, sadly not. Although most of us would admit that the young women truly are beautiful, they would not be put on magazine covers or cast in many movies. Speaking of magazines, teen idols, and movies, I will now go into my second statement which was...
*How our lack of discussing the world around us, and how they dress, tells them we are not really serious about purity.

Unfortunately in today's culture you have to step it up a notch to be noticed, because we are so totally unaware anymore of what true beauty is. It is sick to say, but unless that young, up and coming, teen idol can "turn on" half the men in our country, they will not make it very far. They may make it for a little while, but not to stardom. Why is that? It is our twisted view of beauty. God's view is obviously different. God DOES notice physical beauty. Same way we do. But he is concerned not with how great beauty is, but how it can sometimes be used for harm. As in Proverbs chapter 6 verse 25
"23For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;
And reproofs for discipline are the way of life
24To keep you from the evil woman,
From the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
25Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.

And in Proverbs 31:30
"30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

And in Ezekiel 16:5
"But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your fame, and you poured out your harlotries on every passer-by who might be willing."

Now given, the Ezekiel passage was used in reference to an entire nation, but I do say that its symbolism stands. He could not have used that word picture, if they would not have already understood what it meant when women trusted in beauty alone to provide for herself.

So is beauty bad? Not at all! God is beautiful! His creation is beautiful! His DAUGHTERS are beautiful! But when we allow our daughters to dress up their beauty in order to make it look sexy, then we have crossed over into something we never belonged. You see America uses the word beautiful and sexy interchangeably. They are NOT the same. However they are portrayed the same. It like when they say that red is the new black or 40 is the new 20. Well sexy is the new beautiful.

OK RABBIT TRAIL.....AHHHHHH.....where was I???

Oh yes my point about what our kids see. So lets say my daughter asks me
her: "hey mom?"
me "yes?"
her: "how come when I wear skirts they have to go past my knees?"
me: "well sweetheart, when we show too much of our legs, its not appropriate for others. I don't think it helps men be as righteous as they would like to when they can see everyone thighs."
her: "I am only a teenager though mom, I thought that was just important for grown ups and married people?"
me: "well if we don't draw the line now, when should we?"
her: "I dunno"
me: "well don't worry about it now, go hurry and get ready WERE GOING TO A TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT!!"
her: "yay! Mom your the best!!

Two hours later watching the Taylor Swift concert...


Do you see the problem?

We send messages. The message I just sent through that discussion and choice of concerts is this. "Well sweetie for you, in my house, we have some rules, but for others those rules don't apply. Those people just happen to be popular, amazing, beautiful, and well basically everyone likes them, including us!"

I am thinking that the first chance they get, they will go after the fame and glory or being popular, beautiful, and liked. And I may be wrong, but growing up watching the Disney channel and listening to the popular teen and preteen music stars, they are not going to think they will achieve that by dressing like this...


OK I am NOT saying your kids need to dress like that. It was the most hilarious picture I saw all night tonight. It made me laugh so hard I had to use it as my example. I think that its a Halloween costume......anyhow, you get my point.

So maybe our conversation could go like this...
Her: "mom why do we wear longer skirts than most girls?"
Me: insert same answer as above scenario
Her: "hey mom can we go to the Taylor Swift concert that's in town?"
Me: "while I would love to go with you sweetheart, I do not think it wise. I think Taylor is a super talented girl, and probably very sweet. But I think she is not being protected and guided like young girls should. I think it might set a bad example of our values if we went there. Would you like to join me in praying for her parents and those around her to help protect her and love her and tell her she is beautiful and that she needs not impress anyone?"

To sum up...
I don't think your girls need to look like the Amish to be modest (although if you do, then no judgment from me there either :)
I don't think this needs to be doctrine, nor do skirts need to be measured. We just need a little common sense. Am I preaching about purity or at least expecting it in my house, but doing nothing to help them and others achieve this goal? Am I expecting my kids to know better in how they dress, have set clothing boundaries in our home, yet filling my home with all the scantily clad role models of this world through television, posters, concerts, and music?
I am NOT against Taylor Swift, Hannah Montana, or even for that matter Brittney Spears. I truly do love them, and have felt the urge to pray for them many many times. NOT because I fear for their souls...but because I think they are kind of lonely and feel the pressure to always be sexy. That has to be a hard life. My prayer is for them to feel free enough to cover up a little and rely on talent not their waste size, breast size, or tan legs. Instead to feel the love of a Father who created them perfectly, loves them unconditionally, and has a plan for their lives that goes beyond ALL this.

Because I know the hate mail will come....
I do not think you are a bad mom for letting your kids listen to Taylor Swift or watch Hannah Montana (or highschool musical or any other tight shirt short skirt show). I think you love your kids, and you love others. I think you make it a habit not to stand in judgment of others so you never really paid attention to what they were wearing. But may I just say, your kids DO pay attention. They want to know who you think is beautiful, what your definition of beautiful is and why modesty is important to the end goal of purity.