I don't have a whole lot of time to post, but here is the short short version. Sandy was admitted to the hospital, not for labor, but for flu like symptoms. She was then discovered to have several other medical serious health issues. I was with her all through the night and into this morning. I finally came home to rest and pick up my kids. She is showing some labor like symptoms, but not enough to keep her in Labor and Delivery. She has been transferred to the ICU. The baby, when he comes, will be transferred directly to the NICU due to the mothers health and drugs (medicines). We may or may not be allowed access to the baby until he is discharged from the hospital due to the hospitals unique stringent adoption regulations.. If he goes in Sandy's room, then I will be able to see him and bond with him, as Sandy has said that would be fine. Pray for safety of Sandy and Ethan, and that Ethan will stay only a quick time in NICU and then be released to us.
Thank you sweet precious Sisters!
ICU
Dilated...
This is oh so hard to fathom, but it is true. They finally checked her yesterday, and the baby is head down, facing correctly, low in the canal, she is spotting and three centimeters dilated. AND THEY SENT HER HOME. :-( <----- that sad face times 1000.
I cannot go into too many details because of the privacy of this precious birth mother, but I can tell you that we were both just sick to our stomachs when they insisted we leave and come back in another week. She is scared. So am I. They even had the nerve to pat her on the back as we were leaving and say "well you should go into labor any day now, make sure you call 911".
The story gets from bad to worse, when I finally met with the labor and delivery social worker. It was a horrible meeting. She called me a "non-parent" and said I shouldn't expect to hold the baby or touch the baby, for DAYS, unless the baby is in the room with the birth mother and the birth mother says I can.
seriously?
I know *Sandy will let me , but Sandy didn't want to spend a lot of time with the baby, for fear of attachments. So they told her, that the baby would have to be with her, or in a nursery (without me). Sandy's instincts kicked in and in a way of protecting the baby from being in the nursery for two days with neither mother, she said the baby needs to be in her room the whole time. She has told me to be in the room with her too. But oh man, so hard! To bond with the baby, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER while I watch her try not to, is just going to break our hearts. Why are people so difficult??? This social worker could have easily said, "you know what, we have your legal paperwork, I have spoken to both of you and know both of your desires, and once we have the AD22, we will have no problem accommodating your requests". But no. She had to call the shots. I am all for leaving it to the birth mom and the legal paperwork. I will in no way to go around that. But the birth mom says that I am the mom and says she wants to see the baby, hold the baby, and then give the baby to me and be done. They are now forcing her to bond for two days. I am hoping my agency will get there and straighten this all out.
Anyhow. At this point, I am not sure if I have to worry about this hospital at all. Sandy is 3 cm dilated, dropped, and feels yucky. She will NOT make it to her next Thursday appointment. So it looks like she will be delivering at home (if they can get her legs open. They are almost stuck in a closed position. she would need assistance), or in an ambulance (if she can call in time) or at her local hospital in the Desert.
Would it sound redundant to as for prayer again?
She is in God's hands. Ethan is in God's hands. I MUST remember this always. God will win. No one else. Whatever his will is, pray that I would accept it. Also, I am trying to induce lactation so that I can feed and bond with the baby, can you pray that I will be able to produce milk for my little guy? Thank you sweet ones!
The appointment.
Hello sweet people! I (again) am sorry it has been so long between posts, but I just have so little to update. Nothing has "happened" yet. We have a big doctors appointment tomorrow. I say big because they might ACTUALLY do something tomorrow that results in some sort of appropriate health care for this precious woman. We have had a REALLY frustrating struggle getting this hospital's Maternal Fetal unit to treat this woman as her needs demand. It has been a super big mystery to me, my family, and several doctors I have talked to outside of this hospital, as to why they are not treating her as most pregnant high risk wheel chair-bound women are treated. They have not done an ultrasound, they have not checked her wounds (she has two severe wounds/ulcers/bedsores), they have not checked her cervix, they have not given her a plan for delivery (either c-section OR induction). The last time we were there for an appointment we waited 3 HOURS just to be taken back to the appointment. It was beyond NOT OK. Then they again did nothing, medically speaking. They asked her the same questions they had asked before....."do you have other children? when were they born? Was it vaginal or C-section?". I finally just said for them to look on her chart, because they asked us these same exact questions last time. I got a little perturbed when again they were ready to finish the appointment without discussing the delivery, or checking her, or giving an ultrasound. We were told twice she would be given one and each appointment they changed their minds. Why? I have no idea. But after pushing and reiterating how dangerous going into labor at home will be for this woman, which of course they already know, they finally agreed to check her cervix and do an ultrasound
at the NEXT appointment. That next appointment is tomorrow. Yes, they made her next appointment, in her third trimester, three weeks apart. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Getting simpler.
Things have been getting simpler as of late. Although there are still many things that are "complicated", several hard decisions have been made for us recently. One of the things I asked in the previous post for, was for prayer covering around some hard decisions we were having to make. One of those decisions came to us when we found out that the birth mother's other son was placed for adoption through the state Foster Care system. We were distraught over the thought of this little one (five years old) who has been in foster care since he was one year old, being put up for adoption finally and having his current foster family place him back into the system because they did not want to adopt him. This is a five year old, that I knew to have at least 4 homes (that I know about) in his short little life. Jake and I started praying and discussing adopting him, if the county would let us. But then, a week later, we found out that the county had already found him a forever family that was willing to adopt him, and he had gone to live with them. Although all of this was greatly distressing to the birth mother (she was really hoping to convince the courts to give him back to her), we were relieved that he would finally have a permanent home life. So the decision was made for us.
Another distressing complicated decision we have had lately has been "how much" to take care of Sandy. So far, I have offered her my listening ear, my friendship, my love, a little bit of money towards groceries, transportation to her doctors appointments, and my Mom has generously decided to hire a care giver 3-4 times a week to come in and cook for Sandy, bathe her, change her clothes, clean, and prep meals for her that are available for her on the days that she (the caregiver) is not there. I have wanted to do more though. Sandy's roommate/baby's daddy/ "caregiver" is truly taking advantage of her. I want her to stand for herself, to stand up to this man who takes her money and gives her almost no care at all. But as of now, it is up to Sandy, and I have decided to just pray for that situation. She needs to be the one to make that decision, I cannot do it for her. The mother in me wants to protect her, but I can't. Until the point comes that more needs to be done, all I can do is love. I pray that I can do that well.
She is now in 33 weeks pregnant and the baby should be coming in the end of January. Please please please continue to pray that she DOES NOT go into labor at home. AS I have stated before, this can and very likely would be, a life and death situation for her and for the baby. I cannot wait to post pictures of our precious new SON! What a beautiful, blessed day that will be. But another wonderful day I hope to see is the day this woman who has seen very little love in her life, accepts THE ONE who IS love. The day she accepts the love and forgiveness of her awesome Heavenly father will be a great and glorious day indeed!
Until then, I am busy tending to the needs of my precious two at home, my husband who sometimes needs just as much care ;-), and trying to help assist Sandy in her life as well. I am so thankful to each and every one of you who read this blog and who commit to praying for us, our new son, and the precious lost birth mother.
update.
I am wondering if all my blog posts for the next few months will be entitled "updates"? It seems I am lacking the time and heart energy to devote myself to blogging temporarily due to the great needs that are surrounding me. This is good. Oh so good. I tend to be a self focused person, so focusing on the needs of others (i.e. training my children, homeschooilng, trying to find a way to take care of the basic human needs of "Sandy") is what God knew I needed. Sometimes I lack showing any good fruit that the Lord has to trans-plant a bud right there on my branch so all I have to do is watch it grow.
So the update is the birth mom is still being denied so much of what she needs to live even a decent quality of life. I have been praying for help for her, as I am aware there is only so much I can physically do. I prayed and God has brought some amazing people in answer to that prayer. My Mom has been deeply moved and very disturbed and Sandy's way of life. My mom has now generously decided to pay for a caregiver for Sandy. That took an ad in Craigslist and days and days of emails, sorting, phone calls, and decisions on who to pick. We picked a lovely woman who is going to love Sandy and take care of her basic needs. We are so excited she has someone there looking after her and making meals for her. Also several precious sister in Christ have bought her other child still living in her home some items for Christmas that I just know she will love. On top of that my home group has decided to have a huge garage sale in which all proceeds will go to helping Sandy. I am feeling blessed, so blessed to be able to take part in helping, and YET......there is still so much to be done. So much hopelessness I feel. But then I set my mind on Christ and know that he loves her and will provide. He always does. There are several other situations that I truly would love to share now, but just cannot until I talk about them with her. Just be in prayer for our family. We have a lot of BIG decisions that need to be made. A lot that depend on God deciding, NOT US. Until then we are greatly looking forward to the arrival of our precious new son Ethan. We cannot wait to hold him! So far he is still alive and we are so very grateful for that. He is a miracle!
Prayers:
Transportation for Sandy to get to doctors appointments (I cannot lift her and I don't have a wheelchair accessible van)
Decisions for Jake and I involving our family.
Health and safety for my children, myself, my husband, Sandy and Ethan.
until then.
And the winners are....
I did a very scientific drawing tonight (I wrote everyone's name on a post it note, folded them, and my husband drew them out of the palm of my hand), and the two winners of my first ever book giveaway are....
Becky and Christen! I am so excited for you ladies and I know you will LOVE THIS BOOK! May God speak to you on behalf of the orphans through it!
Adopted for Life....and an update :-)
Update first: "Sandy" (the Birth Mother) is doing better, she had several blood transfusions, and many more other medical complications that happened, and are still happening, but she is alive. For that I am so very grateful. I went to visit her a few days ago, and I knew God was calling me to just sit with her and be her friend for a bit. We talked, but mostly I listened. God has overwhelmed my soul with compassion for this woman. I cannot even begin to fathom what it is like to be in her shoes. To be homebound and in her thirties, is something that is devastating for her. But the hardest part is her children. She loves them so. Several are in different homes because she cannot care for them, all of whom she misses and loves terribly. Now this precious little Ethan, whom she cannot keep or care for, is breaking her heart. She tries to hide it and puts on the biggest bravest front. She says she wont let herself get attached. She says if she does it will crush her so she convinces herself that she is not attached. I was with her during her ultrasound and I can tell you......She is already attached. I know she cannot admit what that would mean for her. Could I, if it were me? My heart cries to make her life better. How? I ask God this often as of late. Sometimes He says to go visit her, sometimes he says "buy her a sweater", but mostly He says to "love". Love. Love is God and Love transcends all this mess of a world we live in. Pray for me as I continue to focus on God's love for me and the Grace that has been given to me through Christ, so that out of that, love can flow through me to the precious fertile ground that is this woman's heart. Pray also, as I have asked from the beginning, for her health and the health of the precious little baby Ethan, my son. She is truly a "high risk" pregnancy, and it is a miracle of God little Ethan has hung in this long.
