reading between my lines?

Wow, I knew when I chose to discuss clothes, there would be some differing feelings on the issue. But I think some things need to be clarified before I move onto the next post on Modesty. OK here we go

* People who write on a topic do not necessarily feel superior in said topic, just passionate about it.

* Discussing feelings and opinions on a topic does not condemn those who do not feel the same.

*The great thing about following Christ is that at any given moment we can KNOW for certainty we don't know it all. That's why there is GRACE.


Speaking about modesty in a blog is hard to get across being that most who read this (primarily my grown adult friends who are Christians) do not really struggle with Modesty.

I truly don't think I personally even know more than a few women who actually dress in a way that truly is immodest. The reason I typed this series was not to address a RAMPANT immodesty issue in adult women in the church. I truly had the image of the young girls in the church. The girls age's 11-19 is where I think things need to be discussed, which I will do in the next post. I addressed adults in the last post not because I thought they needed lessons on modesty, but because I wanted to share some things I had not been aware of and did very innocently. Like bending over without realizing my top was exposing my breasts. The jeans issue was brought about by some men on a video I had watched, saying what hurt them spiritually was the style of clothes most women wore. It was tight jeans. So I took what THEY said into consideration. I then took a look at things are realized it would not be that hard for me to wear jeans that were not too tight, or hugged real low. I also started wearing longer tops in order to prevent the "panty show" I talked about in the last post. So when I discussed some of these things I had been discovering, it was in a way of suggestion, not condemnation. There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. It says so in the bible :)

I have discussed with a lot of friends this issue,and most said, as I did, that they had never even realized it. They then went home and asked their husbands if tight jeans and low cut tops, where a temptation for them. They were shocked to realize, it truly was. If I feel like this is something "I" am aware of now, and is just something I think we can discuss and keep in mind.

Having said all of that, I will continue to discuss the topic of modesty even though I am in no way perfect at it. Just like I will continue to discuss, love, patience, kindness, devotion, obedience, submission, health, and growing in the Lord, even though I am in NO WAY perfect in those areas :)

I truly believe that we as Christian sisters, should feel the freedom to discuss things, even when we don't have them down perfectly in our own lives. What kind of sisters in the faith would we be if we held each other to such a standard? We can in and through our faith in Christ, be able to agree to disagree. We should also be able to speak, guide, discuss, and train one another in righteousness. As long as our words are seasoned with salt and love we should not fear offending. I have learned sooo very much from my Christian sisters. Would I have learned if they had never spoken on any issue for fear of not being perfect? NO.
I wish I could write a WHOLE post on the Women whom I am blessed to call my friends, and the things they have taught me. (hummm maybe not a bad idea)

OK tomorrow, "How modesty is absent in a large portion of Christian youth,and how that shapes their thinking."

Modesty in fashion?

Fashionable?
I am not sure if modesty will ever again be hip or trendy in mainstream America. However, our goal isn't to be cool. Our goal is to honor God with every aspect of our lives. Having said that, though, does that mean, we just throw on a sack and move on? Well, maybe, if your into that sort of thing ;)
Seriously, I think we can all find creative ways to dress modest,feminine, comfortable, and lovely. For instance, a good friend of mine wears these super cute undershirts that help prevent the "boobie peek-a-boo show" (as I like to call it)we put on when us ladies bend over :)
Here are some pictures of me wearing them, taken a few months back, when it was still cold outside.
p.s. you will see wayyyy too many pictures of me in this post. sorry.



Aren't they cute?? you can find them at Aliza's boutique (a cute, modest online boutique).

Skirts?
There is so much controversy surrounding skirts, I am not even really going to go there, but I will say a quick version on how I feel about them.
I had never worn a jean skirt in my life until very recently. Unless my mom dressed me in some as a child and I just don't remember. And although I DO NOT believe as some do, that it is a sin to wear pants I do love skirts and recommend all women who have an aversion to skirts, to at least try a few every once and while. You may just find, like I did, that you even like them.
Why do I love skirts? Well for one, I am trying to be more modest, and skirts help me do that. If you take notice when we wear jeans, men can see our bottoms, quite clearly and snugly. They hug the hip, thigh, and butt. Which just so happens to be some of the places that kind of turn men on. So for one, skirts, if they are not really tight, or short, take care of that. I feel care free that I am not doing my part to lead any man into thoughts that are sin. I do still wear jeans, but I try and match them with longer tops, so that my back side does not get all the attention.
Another reason I love skirts, is because I feel more free. FREE? In a skirt?
Yes, you heard me. When I wore jeans everyday, I was always getting embarrassed when i bent over and my back, underwear, and even sometime...*GASP*...my crack where hanging out there for all to see. I do understand that all women may not have this problem, seeing that women with larger..uhhhh...."bottoms" tend to make the jeans pull farther when they sit and bend, then do women with small rear ends (I am trying to be tactful here I SWEAR). Skirts on the other hand don't do that, because they are not adhered to the crotch area,so they bend with you.

So you see, skirts don't hug the butt and thigh area, they don't reveal your favorite panties when bending over, and lastly, sometimes its fun to just feel like a girl.
Here are some more, overly annoying pictures of me. I really am only posting these because some good friends of mine...*cough* "CANDICE" *cough*....made me take pictures and post them, because she really wanted to know what I looked like dressing in skirts. She has known me since high school, so she had to see it to believe it. My road towards modest dress has been going on for some time now, but I thought pictures might help.




So basically I rotate my pants, capri's, gauchos, and skirts. Giving each one a try and seeing which ones fit my style, my modest goals, and of course, the "comfort-ability" factor. It can't be uncomfortable, or I will hate it.
And by the way, all those pictures where taken in January, February and March, so I will post pictures soon of some ideas I am having for dressing modest in Summer weather. Jean skirts and 100 degrees don't always mix, so I have some other "flow-y" gypsy type skirts that are just amazing. Most of which I have found at thrift stores, so go dig dig dig ladies until you find some for yourselves!

Why modesty?

So the last post talked a little about the differing views on modesty, and we looked at one verse that spoke on modesty.

I would love to dive dive dive into this issue with everything in me, but then you would have a jumbled mess of thoughts and no real solid subject matter.....eh....kind of like the way I talk...my poor poor husband :)

anywho, where was I?

Oh yeah, modesty. So today I will talk about the WHY factor. Then the next post will be on the.....dun dun dun...clothing(talk about a loaded issue. Never come between a woman and her clothes *wink*).


The big question....does it really matter???

To that I say, YES. It does matter what we wear. But WHENNNNNNN we realize that, is between US and GOD. I know myself to have been a Christian for several years now, but I know I have not been dressing modestly the whole time. The thing is though, that is NOT something the church could have really taught me, or even a sermon. The change of heart must come to us from God himself.

I am not saying the church or the pastor's preaching can't help at all, because they can. In fact, God changed my heart, but He used a few very specific sermons, and some good friends in the body of Christ, to help me on my way. But God had to reveal to me, what my body and my clothes, (or lack there of)is capable to do to a man.

I fully admit it, I am a woman. Whew, glad I got that out there :) And as a woman, I obviously don't think like a man. It's not long however, before a woman realizes she wields some power with her looks and her dress. Of course, like most women, I was oblivious to just how much power I had. But a growing number of men in the Christian church today are asking...NO...BEGGING for us to understand, just how much we can do to them.
To cut to the chase, a woman, by wearing a low cut top, can cause a man to sin. A man who walked into church and not one second before was wanting to think anything other than greeting friends, is now sent spiraling into thoughts, HE DOES NOT WANT. Now, OF COURSE there are some men, who are not walking in the spirit, but the flesh, and desire to have those thoughts, and enjoy the low cut tops. In that case, there is not an amount of modesty we could reach that would help that man, because his is a heart issue, not a modesty issue. IF a man is not right with God then modesty will not help. HOWEVER there are a LOT of men, who ARE right with God and they do love and desire to please Him. Some of those men are trying with all their might to stay away from pornography, billboards, and magazines, in order to preserve their walk, their witness, and their marriage. Yet they walk into church and there it is. Short skirts on women from ages 12 to 50. Low cut tops that reveal EVERYTHING when a woman bends over to pick up her crying child. Hip and crotch hugging pants, that leave NOTHING to anyone's imagination. They are bombarded everyday in this society, should they not be safe at church, with their sisters in Christ to watch out for them??

I believe I would be safe to say, that MOST women have no idea what they are doing. They believe they are well dressed, and ready to meet and greet. They have no idea that a mans brain is visually stimulated by even the tiniest amount of skin. For instance your shirt seems to cover just fine standing up, however when sitting down things are different. Let say you drop your pen. You bend over to pick it up and that same shirt goes all the way up your back revealing your bare skinned back, part of your underwear and even the top of your butt when you do. The man sitting behind you is almost forced to watch the "show" you unwittingly just put on.

With the exception of few, in most churches I have been to, the teens dressed in such short dresses and skirts, that the girls had to reach around with both hands and hold the bottom of their dress on so that as they took their seat it would not ride all the way up. The hard part was that they sat near the very front, so a couple hundred people behind them were forced to watch. How many of those were male? How many of those males were then tempted to think sinful thoughts?

Please understand that I am not making the point that girls should be perfectly modest so that by doing so somehow we can make men into great godly men since we would have removed the temptation. I do not believe that at all. I DO believe however, that we should not tempt a Christian brother to sin if we can help it. And WE CAN HELP IT. We can do so much to help this situation.
Am I wrong?

My admission...
I have worn all of the things above mentioned. Mostly before I became a Christian, but definitely still some after giving my life to Christ. I even at times, was pleased with myself when I was complimented on what I was wearing, or caught men staring, secretly hoping they thought I was beautiful. It was wrong, and I know that now, but the temptation to be "beautiful" is still there. I truly believe though that God has really shown me how this area can affect men. And to honest, I no longer want a part of it. I was shameful in my behavior for so long. I still struggle in many areas, but this is an area I am growing in. This growth could not have come at a better time, since I am now raising a daughter and a son. What we raise them to believe about modesty, purity, and God, is not told or preached, it is modeled.

I close with this link to a sermon that is near to my heart on this topic. It is not really a sermon on modesty, but a sermon on how lust is of the heart,and being modest is so important, yet it cannot save any man from his sin. I post that to help people know that we CAN take modesty too far. We can make it law. Which would be hard on those girls whom God is still growing and working in, it would be a harsh thing for them to hear, "Hey sweetie, do you mind covering up a bit?? You do know the bible says not to look like a trashy street-walker right?" I am thinking that's not really what needs to happen. IF that had happened to me when i was first seeking to grow in my new relationship with God, I would have been so embarrassed, I don't think I would have returned to a church. I think though that if us women modeled it for the younger women, and raised our children to dress modestly, then there would not be a huge need to lecture the point now would there? The Bible speaks for itself on the issue. Men should not lust. Women should dress modestly. Immodest dress causes men to lust and therefore sin. We should not tempt others to sin. I feel we can all reach that conclusion when we are following God and reading His word, without the need for law and shame.

I am so looking forward to my next post on this subject. I will throw in some pictures of me in some of my new "modest" purchases.

Differing views on Modesty.

OK well I have been putting this post off, NOT because I don't want to do it, but because I love this topic and I want to write soo much that I just keep telling myself I don't have time to write all I want. So I have decided to make this a two part "series" and we will see where it goes from there.

What I want to say first is that, although it may seem simple, this topic is far from simple. Now I wish it were not that way, but it just is. I wish it were common sense, but its not. I wish we were raised in a culture that upheld a simple standard of modest dress. However, the more I look around the more I find such extremes.

First Extreme: The legalistic Modesty.

To be honest, sometimes I even hate to use the word legalism. I think way too many people use that word in a way and context in which it was not meant for. But what I mean by legalism is when you equate the saving, amazing, personal, sacrificial love of our savior with something you can earn or loose based on what you wear. I know some people truly feel very passionately about this, and I, in no way, want to offend anyone who believes strongly on some of these things, but I do need to speak my heart on this.
So for instance, for ME, modesty is very important, but its not up there with love,forgiveness, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, and self-control. But for some, to wear pants, or to to wear even short sleeves, is worthy of the flames of Hell.


Second Extreme: The "freedom" view.

Yes, we are free. Those He set free are free indeed. But this extreme is when we take our freedom, the Grace that He has bestowed on us, and disregard what He says about this issue. We throw out his words and commands, as if somehow, because of His forgiveness of our sins, we now no longer need to listen or obey His word. The freedom view says "I am free in Christ to be who I am, dress how I want, and no one can say a thing about it".


My view: God's heart on Modesty

I truly believe with all my heart that God is not silent on this issue. He speaks, and desires us to obey. God wants us to listen. He desires for us to WANT to do what is important to Him and His heart. To seek and pursue it.


Further..

I do not want to take a HUGE amount of time on this tonight, so I will try to dissect JUST ONE verse in this post. That would be 1 Timothy 2:9 which reads, "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes."

First we see what it says about a woman's dress...it should be modest. We women also should not be known for our braided hair, gold, pearls or expensive clothes.

Why?

Well I will talk about WHY modesty later, but for now I would like to take a view on why it says to not have braided hair, gold, pearls, or expensive clothes.

For one, I think we were to be separate in a sense, especially from the pagans of the day. What braids, gold, pearls and expensive clothes meant back then, to all those people, is a whole lot different than what it means to western Americans. For instance Egyptians were known for their Jewelry. But not in a simple way,but a religious way. A quote from a website says this about Egyptians and Jewelry....
"The ancient Egyptians were trailblazers in many fields, but particularly in the field of beauty. Pioneers in the arts of adornment, including cosmetics and tattooing, they did not limit themselves to enhancement of only the body's natural charms. The ancient Egyptians were also brilliant innovators in the creation of jewelry.
The ancient Egyptians loved ornamentation. Jewelry was designed, crafted and worn with great care thought and care. In their typical holistic fashion, fine jewelry was valued not only for beauty but also for the magical and spiritual protection it provided for its wearer. Did the concept of purely ornamental adornment exist for the ancients? Did they make that distinction between amulets and jewelry? Many anthropologists believe not.
Minerals and metals were identified with specific deities as well as with specific spiritual and therapeutic values. Thus their words for lapis lazuli and turquoise were synonymous with joy and delight, respectively. Copper and malachite were identified with Hathor, gold connected to the solar deity."


Secondly Braided hair in the ancient world was a symbol of Rome and prosperity, both of which was invading the hearts and minds of many a Jew and Christian. The book of Timothy was written so that Paul could give Godly words and advice to young Timothy who had the difficult time of Shepherding a church in one of the most heathen places on earth, Ephesus. Not only was Ephesus known for its decadence but also for having one of the most famous temples in all of the Ancient world, The Temple of Artemis. It was a temple in dedication to the most famous Greek goddess. The details of what she was known for and what how people worshiped inside the walls of that temple, I will leave out of this blog, so that I do not throw up all over myself.

Many Romans flooded the city of Ephesus for its Temple, luxuries, and games.

So what does that have to do with braided hair???

I am glad you asked. Here is what I found...

"One thing is made very clear by the statues, coins, and paintings that provide our evidence about the hairstyles worn in ancient Rome: women changed their hairstyles very often. Though there is no one typical Roman hairstyle, it is obvious that Roman women often curled and braided their hair.

Perhaps to make up for the simplicity of their wardrobe, including the fact that Romans didn't wear hats, Roman women wore elaborate hairstyles. From the early years of the Roman Republic (509–27 B.C.E. ), women began to coil their long hair into a crown on their head. They might braid the hair first and then wrap it into intricate designs. They also used a device called a calamistrum to curl their hair. The calamistrum was a hollow iron tube that was heated. Hair was rolled around it, and when it was removed the hair retained its curly shape. These early hair curlers were very common among wealthy Roman women, and men sometimes had their hair curled as well.

Carving of a Roman man with long braids. Both men and women wore braids and curls in their hair. Reproduced by permission of © .

During the Roman Empire (27 B.C.E. –476 C.E. ), when Roman civilization was at its height of power, women took their braided and curled hairstyles to extremes. They were careful never to appear in public without carefully tended hair, and they kept slaves, known as ornatrices, who were specially trained in hair styling."

So after doing even just a preliminary search of the meaning of braided hair in the ancient world, you can EASILY understand WHY Paul warned against it for the Women of the church. Expensive clothes goes hand in hand with that. Women there were known for their Jewelry, braided hair, and expensive clothes. Not because those things in and of themselves are bad, but because of all they represented about that persons lifestyle. That was NOT to be the case with the Christian believers.

So should we not braid our hair, wear jewelry,and buy only Goodwill clothing?
Well, last time I checked, in America, everyone, even the poor, have some sort of jewelry. Jewelry here and now represents basically....nothing. Due to cheap labor, hundreds of years of trading, and stability of wealth here in America, Jewelry now costs less than a gallon of milk. And everyone has some. We actually tend to store ours more in boxes than adorning ourselves with it. Why? Because Jewelry represents little more than the memory of the one who gave it to us. OR in my case, my $1 earrings are just a pop of color to make my outfit look less.....well....cheap. Because I DO shop at Goodwill. :)

As far as the braiding of hair goes, I think we are fine there, since, in America, braiding your hair down your back pretty much has the EXACT opposite meaning as it did when Paul wrote his letter to Timothy. Now it means to some, your are a simple housewife who doesn't have time to blow-dry, flat iron, or whatever the new style is these days. Braiding is simple, quick, and easy. It really doesn't scream "I'm a wealthy pagan!" anymore, so I think we are good to go on that.

So with that, I close until tomorrow. Since I am sure I did a fine job of confusing you with all my jumbling thoughts, I just know you are dying to come back for more torture tomorrow ;)

But if you are a glutton for punishment, tomorrow, I will talk on WHY modesty is so important. For us, for our daughters and sons, and for our husbands.

Security filters confuse me.

OH wow, OK, I am ashamed to admit this, but I am a blogger with probably the LEAST amount of computer knowledge of any out there. My husband has been asking me to take a computer class for years, just so he does not have to hear "HONEY!! can you help me with this thing again??". Poor man. Where was I?? OH yeah, so we got a new computer this week so that my daughter could do her new school program (Switched on Schoolhouse, which we LOVE, but that's another post ;)
So this is the first time my kids (and just being old enough now to work them) have access to a computer with internet. So we installed the BeSecure (cloud care) Internet security filter just in case. When you buy it, it says you can go ahead and put it on all your computers for no extra charge. So my hubby and I say "why not?". Well it was SUCH A GOOD FILTER I could not access blogger ALL week. It took me TWO days just to figure out how to be able to still do Swagbucks (don't know what swagbucks is?? YET another blog post to come). So finally today, I swallowed my pride and called the help line. I admitted that I am totally inept, and they helped me fix it so that it wasn't on ULTIMATE filter, which was my first problem. My second problem of course being that I have the technology sense of a squirrel.

Anyhow.....I am "on again" and can't wait to get back to it! Soo much goodness floating around in my head that I can't wait to blog about. But then again, it will take me two days just to catch up on all my favorite blogs first :)

Well hello there.

Hi everyone, remember me?? My name is Valerie. I started this blog....whats that? You don't remember me? OK OK enough with the dramatics :)
I really have been wanting to blog lately, really. But thinking of blogging and actually blogging are..well....you guessed it.....TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS. So here is the update on me. I have been super busy with getting settled back in here, after all our gallivanting in Texas, Colorado and Arkansas.
I am still exploring all it means to have PCOS, and possibly figuring out what is preventing me from conceiving. I truly believe God's hand is in every pregnancy and nothing goes on without his knowledge. Yet at the same time I feel compelled to figure out what is going on with me. Things are just not right in "Valerie Town" if ya know what I'm sayin. Anyhow, I have been charting my temperature, to see if I show any signs of Ovulation. I am doing this because, how we figure out whats going on with me, and HOW to treat me, depends on if I ovulate, or if I don't. If I do ovulate, whats preventing pregnancy? Things like that. Anyhow, I got a blood test today to check my levels of Progesterone (you can read more about why progesterone levels are important here). Hopefully it comes back normal, but I am showing "some" signs of it being low. If that is the case, I may possibly be conceiving, but I don't have enough of the hormone progesterone to sustain that pregnancy. If that is the case, it breaks my heart, but God is good, and I know we will work through all of this.
On another note, I finish my last DHS adoption class tomorrow! yay. Although that does not really complete us, since my husband starts his classes next Saturday, and does his for the next 6 weeks. blahhhh BUT when that is done and we sign our final papers, we should be on our way to adopting a precious child who needs a home. He or She will come to a home that greatly desires more children.

Well I was going to do a "short" (ha!) part on catching you all up, and then a longer part on our new chore system that I created. But alas, as always, I was long winded, so I will do my chore post tomorrow.
I truly hope all of you have a BLESSED weekend.

p.s. My handsome man and I went on a date tonight (first time in wayyyyyyy too long) and we saw the movie "Letters to God". We loved it. It's RARE with a capitol "R" that Jake and I ever go to the movies, due to the junk that is put out of Hollywood, but this one was clean as a whistle (with the exception of a few low cut tops), and was so very sweet. I totally suggest watching it. It has a fantastic Christian message.

Do your kids do this?

I was just wondering, do any of your kids do school work here??

My daughter just cannot be next to me while I try and teach her younger brother. She is soooooo easily distracted. We usually do school together at our big dining room table. However, the other day, after telling her at least 15 times to do her work and stop staring at her brothers work, I finally had it.
ME: "I am sorry baby, but this is not working. I don't want to punish you for being distracted, but your making it really hard on me to school your brother. Please go somewhere else to do your worksheet."

HER: "But where will I go? Nowhere else is comfortable and I want to be near you"

ME: "Can't you think of SOME PLACE you can do it??"

HER: "nope"

ME: "I don't care where you go, even if its on the trampoline, I just need you to go"


So this is where she spent the next hour doing work. She came in a begged me to give her more work to do on the trampoline. Now she wants to do it there all the time. Is this a bad thing?? Well so far it works. We will see. That may get harder in those HOT Oklahoma months :)