Although I recently gave up sugar (mostly refined sugar: sucrose. still working on giving up the other sugars) and can no longer partake of these beautiful jars of goodness, I am still proud of it. It was a fun time making it. I have a fig tree so it cost me very little to make this. It was yummy! A little on the sweet side for because I forgot to buy the low sugar pectin so I could sweeten the Jam with juice. So I had to add the sugar. It was soooo good on toast in the morning. Since I can no longer enjoy these, I am going to give them away as gifts. Do you all make Jam?
Makin' Some Jam.
Irelands TEN!
What an amazing week this has been! Ireland, my sweet firstborn turned ten. First she had a tea party with a few of her best girlfriends from church( a big girl one, with mom as hostess/waitress). And then a few days later, on her actual birthday we had a celebration with all our family. That may happen often with many of you, but to us it was a big deal. Jake and I moved away from family when Ireland was only 4 months old. We have been back to visit, and even lived back in California for very short periods throughout these past ten years. But this has been the first time in a long time that all her family (mine and Jake's) has all been together to celebrate her birthday. What a special time it was. Here are some pictures of the tea party, and family birthday party.
The tea party...
And the birthday party...
Going Green?
Recently I have been super inspired by one of my favorite bloggers ( Celee at Miscellaneous Musings) to share what we're doing to go "green". Let me clarify what I believe going Green means. I believe God gave us a beautiful creation, a creation marred by floods and sin, but a creation none the less. He gave us a duty to work and keep the land and animals, therefore I believe in being GREAT managers of that. I completely reject the modern concept of "saving Mother Earth", and also reject all forms of "green movements" that put animals, insects, or land ahead of the lives and safety of humans (notice I said safety, not convenience).
But I am convinced that as we do our best to be resourceful and good stewards of what God has given us, that we will not only shine our light to others, but we will live better, healthier lives.
Having said all of that, here are some very small steps my family and I make to be good stewards of God's creation.....
First, we recycle. We recycle most plastics, glass, and cardboard materials (we also do this for money because every little bit counts ;-). We even recycle foil for money!
Secondly, we practice a "re-using" style of recycling. Here are some ways I am doing this.....
I am trying to use less and less paper towels so, on top of the cloth napkins we already own, I am planning to sew more from this old long pillow sheet, pictured below.
Also, here you can see my homemade BBQ sauce that I am storing in a "recycled" peanut jar.(you save money and at the same time help Creation by not adding more production and waste)
And again, below pictures how I am re-using a plastic butter container for storing more food in the fridge. (never put very hot food or liquids however in most plastics as they can leak chemicals into your food)
One more Re-using idea is simple window coverings. I took two yellow pillowcases that we are no longer using in my sons room, and made them into curtains for my kitchen window. It was an odd shaped window and these fit just perfectly! I am not expecting you to put these in the rooms you entertain the most in, but I think they are perfectly acceptable in a kitchen, bathroom, sun room, or laundry room. The best part is you do not need to be good at sewing! I am not a very good sewer by any means, buy most of us can sew a straight line and make a seam. That is pretty much all I did here. Then I tied them back with some ribbon I had in my ribbon drawer. Like I said these aren't award winners, but they are very functional. I use them frequently at night due to the fact that my kitchen window faces the street (well that, and I happen to do dishes late at night in my pajamas, just sayin')
Air purification. This is something I might file more under the category of saving money, but you could make the case that you are also saving a LOT of plastic and production by skipping the expensive air purifier and buying special plants that Nasa has proven purify your house air almost as good (and in some cases better). Here are a few I picked up at the local nursery free with a coupon. I plan on getting more because only one of these was on the list.
Lastly, buy used. I know not everything can be bought(or should be) used, but there are definitely quite a few things you can. And you don't have to be one of those spectacular, trash to treasure, shabby chic women either. Here is a picture of an old dresser (I think that's what it was, although it seems a bit on the short side) that my husband and I bought at the Salvation Army for 10 dollars. We painted it white, and left the old knobs on instead of buying new ones. We put it in our son's room to hold all his legos. He loves it! It stores beautifully, and we couldn't be more happy with our purchase.
Sigh.
I am sighing right now. I think I have been doing that a lot lately. When I just don't know what to say or think or do, I just let out one big heave of a sigh. In case you don't know what a good sigh is, it's where you exhale emotion. That's my way of thinking about it at least. What does "sighing" have to do with our adoption? Well, it's the only way I can really express how I feel about being rejected as a family for the little guy we were hoping to adopt. The sigh that has been escaping my lips these past few days (along with quite a few tears) says in it's own way "OK Lord. I know you know what your doing. But it hurts anyhow."
I have been thinking a lot lately about how "challenging" things have been lately. I am fully aware that the things I am going through pale in comparison to true suffering. But we all live different lives, and to me, in my own little world, these past 2 years have been difficult.
It seems as though everything that we have done or tried to do has come with great difficulty or trial. I just want to cry out as my old spoiled self used to, "Just make something go right already!"
The ways of God are not man's ways. They certainly are not my ways. I wish often that God would make things different. That He would heal me, that He would heal our marriage, that He would grant me my fertility back. So many things are troublesome, and yet, I know He remains there. He not only remains, but He remains with a plan.
I have no clue what his plan is. I haven't the foggiest idea of why he is allowing the things he is allowing, and in the order he is allowing them. BUT, even with faith as weak as mine is (and it is weak my friends, If I can be honest with you), I CLING to his promises. It is clinging to those promises even as I cry "help my unbelief", that keeps me.
Jesus keeps. That is a phrase that has been stuck in my mind and heart lately. He keeps me from running away from him when I am tempted to rebel. He keeps me from loosing my faith altogether, when thing after thing tests and challenges my faith. He keeps me from relapsing into a life of sin, when I know that apart from his Holy Spirit holding me in check I would run back to the pig pen I once called a life.
Jesus also keeps my marriage. He keeps us together, He keeps us from giving up, and He keeps us from hate. We have wanted to do all those things. We have rebelled, hurt, and fought against this marriage. But by the GRACE of our God and the working power of his Holy Spirit, we have also forgiven, surrendered, loved, and triumphed over evil.
It is my prayer now, as it has been over these difficult past few years, that God will keep me. Keep me safe in his love and in his power.
Now onto the adoption update.....
As I mentioned before, we were told Thursday that we were not selected for the child we had applied to adopt. It was only us and one other family that they had to choose between. And although I knew that Gods will would be done in it, and prayed that I would accept the result, it was still very hard. It felt like a rejection. Not just from my adoption agency and the people in the committee, but also from God. Knowing that was not true, it only took a few hours to get my heart and emotions into alignment with the truth. Perspective is everything. Once my heart got into the right realization that this was not personal, but God's will, it became so much easier to bear. We are now just going to wait. Wait and see if this will all work out, or not. If it does, we should be matched with another child in less than 6 months. Until then I will keep you updated on everything we hear and know.
Prayer.
As you read in the beginning of this post, and frankly in the beginning of a lot of posts over the last 2 years, I am weak. For the longest time I saw this as terribly wrong. I thought, and still sometimes do, that God wants us to walk in victory, strength and great Faith all the days of our Christian life. I figured I would have bumps and bruises and hard times along the way, but I knew I could get through anything with my Faith in my precious Father. Yet somewhere along the way my faith became weak, and harder to see and feel. What do you do when your faith isn't all that strong? When you feel defeated from the moment you wake up? When you foresee more things going wrong, rather than rejoicing in the knowledge that God will work all things together?
My answer is the only thing I have lately, and that is to CLING with all your might to His promises. He will never leave, He will never forsake. He sees your heart, your sin, your thoughts, and your weak faith, and He accepts you anyway. This is where I am at. Some people wake up (and I have been there too) saying "Lord what do you want me to do today? I want to serve you Lord and be mighty in your kingdom!". I think that is a wonderful place to be. I miss being there.
But I wake up saying "Lord hold me together and keep me". And I think that being here is OK too. If God has a purpose in all this, and I know he does, then let His will be done, in and through this.
Committee.
So we received an email today stating that our interview (that has to take place before the committee) will be tomorrow at 1:30pm, and the committee will take place THIS THURSDAY!!
Wowza that is F A S T. I am very excited. Yet, I know now I will have peace to accept God's will in this. If he does not choose us, we will be content.
We are still praying for him regardless of what family is chosen.
p.s. we got more pictures too :-)
Adoption update.
Well, to say this last week has been a whirlwind would be a dramatic understatement.
I will try and be good at outlining all of this and not getting TOO emotional. ;-)
Last week as I was checking the Waiting Children list on our adoption agency's website, we saw a little boy on there and decided to click on his picture to find out more about him. We read his brief summary of medical history (why he is on the waiting children program list). When I finished reading (and looking up some big medical words I didn't know) I thought to myself, "hum, this seems like something we could handle. I am totally comfortable with this". I called Jake over and asked him to read the summary. He did and we both decided to email the director of the Waiting Child Program (WCP)for our agency and ask for his full file to review.
The next day we received his file in my inbox. We couldn't wait to open it and read all about him. We even got pictures! We read and read and researched and researched, all of his medical history. We once again looked at each other and agreed. We decided to email her back and say we were comfortable adopting this child.
We then had to fill out some additional forms she sent us, that would aid the committee (which I will go into in a minute)in making a decision as to what family should be allowed to adopt the child.
The committee.
The committee is who decides which families adopt which children in the Waiting Child Program (WCP). What happens is there are pictures and descriptions of children in the WCP listed on a Photolisting on the adoption agencies website. That photolisting is available for anyone to look at. If any family feels they seriously want to adopt a particular child then they email the program director of the WCP and their "files" (all the information they have so far about your family)along with the files of ANY other families interested in the adoption of this child, get brought before a committee. They then review the child's information, and the families files, and try to make a decision for a match that is best for the child.
So after we filled out that additional paperwork, we waited again. She said that they would send a notice to any families who had looked at the file of the child and let them know they would have only a few more days to decide whether they want to adopt the child or not.
At this point we had no idea how many families we were (for lack of a better term), up against. It could be two or it could be twenty (or more).
Then last night happened. Instead of getting the email I was waiting for, telling me how they had figured out how many families were interested and were now going to committee, I received an email from the adoption agency director. The email simply stated that we needed to call her soon to discuss some questions she had about our Personal Data Questionnaire. The Personal Data Questionnaire is 6 pages of questions about your family, your families history, your personality, your parenting, your home and even your hobbies.
We called immediately, not too concerned, but worried a little.
The next 5 minutes shocked us.
She said that she was reviewing our paperwork in order to start the completion of our home study, and had concerns over an answer we gave on the question about how we discipline our children. We had written that sometimes ONE form of punishment we use is corporal punishment. We specified several other parenting techniques, but we were honest that sometimes, we spanked our children. She went on to say (and I am QUOTING here) that she considered that an abusive home. That their agency wasn't in the practice of placing children in abusive homes. We sat there. Listening to a woman call us abusive. It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. She asked us to explain why we would parent like that. We once again told her honestly how it was used in our home. How it was done as only one of many means of discipline and done in love, always followed by forgiveness and a hug. She stuck to her earlier convictions. She stated that she believed that to be abuse (even though in our very restrictive state, it is NOT against the law to spank.) She said that we could take some time to think about promising to never spank a child that is placed in our home. And also said that we needed to pay 25 dollars and take a class that teaches parents who have bad (or abusive) parenting techniques to parent in "more productive and safe" manners.
After the right hook, she threw the sucker punch and let us know that one of our references had wrote on their reference questionnaire something that concerned her. It had to do with Jake's drinking. Something he does not do anymore, but something he had previously battled (and by God's grace, is still fighting the good fight). He has never gotten a DUI, been arrested, or received counseling for it, but there was a time, where we were uncomfortable with where it was headed. He made the decision then to stop drinking for good, and with the exception of a few rare setbacks, he has done AMAZING over the last 5 years.
We do not blame the person who wrote that reference AT ALL. But it was hard to have past sins and battles come and bite us in the rear.
So now, instead of being seen as good prospective adoptive parents, we are being looked at as abusive alcoholics.
*ouch*
*sigh*
Soooo that was a long night. I cried until 1:30am. It was so hard to feel so judged. IT was so hard to feel like someone was taking away a child, that I hadn't even met yet, but longed for none the less. It felt like I was being.....persecuted. It was hard.
My husband and I came to a decision. A decision I can not fully talk about right now on this blog. But maybe one day.
So I called her (the director) and discussed the situation, talked over some things, explained other things and agreed to take the class.
It was a hard night, and a hard morning. But I am learning to leave things in God's hands (which I TOTALLY struggle with). So I prayed and prayed. Stopped feeling sorry for myself, and prayed some more.
Then I had peace. Finally peace. Sadness over possibly failing the homestudy, but peace somehow in the midst of it.
Then as I was about to retire for the the evening I went to check my email and saw this from the lady who has been working with us from the WCP......
"Valerie,
Thank you! There is one other family who also decided to proceed. (The other family declined). Once we have their questionnaires we will contact family’s to schedule their individual call with *(name blocked out)* prior to going to committee. Once we have gotten to this step we will have a better idea of the day his case will be presented to committee."
Did you read that folks?????? Just ONE other family!!! That seems like pretty decent odds to me. Though I do not believe in odds. I believe in God and his will is going to prevail over this situation and EVERY situation. I am praying for this sweet little guy, who already has a piece of my heart. I am praying that if they do not select us, that the other family will raise him to know the preciousness of our Heavenly Father and the Prince of Peace who came to seek and to save that which was lost.
Pray for the little one who captured our hearts. Pray we will accept God's will with perfect peace if we are not chosen.
At this point I think we will pass the home study. We never know what the social worker will think when he comes to do the interviews, but I can only hope they will see the love in this house.
Staying focused.
In the midst of personal stress, be it emotional, spiritual, marital, or health (and in some cases many of these at the same time), how do you stay focused?
Lately I have felt the Lord prompt my heart to stay focused on Him, Him alone, and The blessings He has given me.
I started to realize that in times like these, I needed to have on blinders to the distractions or even just distracting thoughts in my life. I needed to see Him and focus on that. So I did.
When thoughts came asking "Am I good enough wife?"
I focused on the fact that God knows all things about me and loves me as His beloved daughter anyway.
When thoughts came asking "Am I good enough mother?"
I focused on the fact the God knows all things about me and loves me as His beloved daughter anyway.
When thoughts came asking "Will I be everything the child we adopt needs?"
I focused on the fact the God knows all things about me and loves me as His beloved daughter anyway.
When thoughts came asking "Will my health continue to deteriorate and rob me of vitality and youth?"
I focused on the fact that God is good and has his plans all worked out.
When thoughts came asking "Do Jake and I have a strong enough marriage to make it through?"
I focused on the fact that God is good and has his plans all worked out.
You see where I am going with this right?
It sounds silly at first. Like I'm repeating phrases to "change" something. But it wasn't like that at all. It was taking my eyes off the world and placing them on things above! (Col 3:10)
It worked too. :-)
So my advice when your heart and head seem to be at war with you.....
Look at what God has blessed you with and Thank HIM.
Work on something that keeps your hands busy.
And most importantly BREATH HIM IN, and rest in His promises.
