Hahahaha I laugh just looking at that title. Well we are officially in California now. We are staying at my mom's while we wait on our stuff to get here. We saw our condo today for the first time, and while it is half the size of our previous place, I feel so very blessed to have it. I have already formed an attachment to the little place, and I can't wait to move my stuff in.
About the title....I was on my way to California and was blessed to be able to stop and stay the night with Celee (who write the blog Miscellaneous Musings of a 5xmom) and her family. It was a great stay and we had a great time staying up late and talking it up. One thing we were talking about was how Jake and I NEVER thought we would return to California. When we left 5 and a half years ago we assumed we would plant roots somewhere and not leave. Things turned out a little differently and now we find ourselves back. Celee's husband suggested we play the song "Welcome to the Hotel California" as we drive into Cali. We laughed because the lyrics say it all. Here are the last lines of the song Hotel California,
"Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'
hahahaha. It's funny because when we left years ago, we thought to ourselves, "if we don't get out now, we never will". We honestly said that.
Now though, things are different. We have God. We have other Christians we will seek out and lean on (a step we really didn't know to do before when we were young Christians here). Even our family is different now, and we are all getting better about avoiding the drama that used to prevail at family gatherings.
I have to say, the beautiful 78 degree weather is helping me in all my sadness of missing my dear precious sisters in Christ back in Lawton. Praising God for the good things in the midst of this change.
pictures of the road trip soon to come :)
Welcome to the Hotel California.
Parenting advice worth passing along…
Parenting advice worth passing along…
You can follow the link above to read a short but very profound point on Parenting. My favorite quote from the post was "As I near this final chapter of having kids in the home, I realize more and more that the overall goal in parenting is to emphasize heart inhabitation (a Spirit-led life) more than behavior modification. It’s not about raising “good kids,” but rather “godly kids.”
So true! I am glad I am learning this now while my kids are still fairly young. It is so hard to practice because it does take a lot of effort, and consistency, and love and patience, and on and on and on it goes. Which is hard on the "weak" flesh that we walk in, isn't it? But the fruits of the labor is great indeed! I am still learning so much, and changing so much. I have far to go, but I am on my way :)
p.s. Beyond this article, there are a lot of great resources that help encourage parents to teach to the heart of their children, not just modify behavior. Some of those resources are books like "Shepherding your child's heart", "Don't make me count to three!" and the complete audio series by Steve and Teri Maxwell "Encouragement for the homeschooling family" (which by the way is being offered as a "giveaway" at Miscellaneous Musings of a 5x mom so hop on over there and enter!!)
The view from here.
Let's be honest, moving is messy work. The more you pull out to box up, the more you realize you have. And the more you have the more it spills out into every place you want to walk. I am sincerely contemplating becoming a minimalist :) You know, one of those people who have like one spatula and two pots in their kitchen so it always looks neat and clean? The bedroom neatly and easily fits both husband and wife and the shared closet is not over flowing? Yup, I want to become one of those people.
Yeah, I am thinking less REALLY is more.
Soooooo we are down to five more days till load up time, and my house is getting less and less inviting to me....I wonder why?? check out the very "real" pictures of how we are living these days. I hope all of your houses are doing better :) Next post may very possibly be written in California!
Above is the view of my living room
Above is the view of my kids playing in their room on one of the mattresses.
View from my room into the hallway.
View of my room....*sigh* Ohhhhh the chaos of it all.
Baby girl is 9.
How truly sad and wonderful it is to watch your little ones grow. I cannot believe my little firstborn is 9 now. I guess every mother thinks that with each passing year, but still it's a struggle. I love her so much and couldn't be more proud of the little lady she is becoming. So sweet, and careful of others, and yet her best attribute is her unyielding faith and devotion to the God who made her. Here are some pictures of her on her birthday receiving her very own sewing machine. Her NaNa got it for her. She has been using mine when she does her sewing lessons and it was wayyyy too heavy for her. Now she has this precious machine that is green (her favorite color) and has Hello Kitty on it (which is her Auntie Jamie's favorite figure). 
And here are some pictures of her Birthday party we had a few days later at the bowling alley. We don't do birthdays up too big in this family, but the bowling alley party was actually a lot of fun. The kids were great. 
And below is Ireland's cake that she got to decorate herself! She is so smart :)
Wow....that's all I can say.
Tricked Ya! haha so "Wow" is really not ALL I am going to say. I am going to say a whole lot more than that.
To continue on from my last post "The Answer" I want to add that God is doing amazing things in me right now. I couldn't really see that over the last few months. So much was going on in my life, in my heart, and in my walk with God that I thought for sure this was all just one of those "Valleys" and I would have to just walk through it. Meanwhile I started to have the attitude of "OK God, could you kind of cut us a break here?". It was a very sinful attitude of thinking God could allow things only so far, and then I was very impatient while waiting for Him to return my life back to a way in which suited me. I don't think I knew I was thinking that way at the time, but in hindsight, I know that I was. What I realize now, is that God knew what He was doing the whole time (shocking I know!).
When I was living my life apart from God, I walked a very sinful life. It was filled with fornication, drugs, smoking, anger, depression, gossip, envy, and complete disrespect for others and for God. YET He loved me and called me out of my life of despair. A life that surely one day would have completely destroyed me. He came and gave me the strength and the WILL to quit doing the things I was doing. It took a long time but most of my outward sinful pleasures ceased to exist in my life. Sanctification complete right?? Not even close. True, I knew there was still several "small"(in comparison to the "big" things I used to do) things I was doing that displeased the Lord, like being disrespectful to my husband, or getting angry at family, or being lazy. Even so, I don't think I could have imagined what God was still wanting to do in me.
One way I can describe it is with this verse in Matthew 5:27-28 "27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (emphasis mine)
The heart is the most important step according to the words of Jesus. Adultery was the outward "sign" of the inward lustful thoughts. Adultery was just the opportunity taken from a lust filled heart. The lust is what God wants to eradicate. From the very beginning He wanted to walk with us as a man walks with His friend or Father.
No I don't have a problem with looking lustfully on a woman (whew!), but I DO have a heart problem.
You see I always thought that the hard part would be giving up the outward stuff, the physical stuff. Like quitting smoking and drinking, or staying pure and living modestly. But God is and always will be interested in the HEART. God started with the outward stuff because that's the small stuff compared to the things of the heart. It is NOW that I am in the painful but glorious process of God holding up a mirror to my soul and showing me all the sin that lays "in there" that He wants to clean up too.
I have seen lately that in my heart but not always in action, I am....
*an adulterer
*an idolater
*greedy
*selfish
*rude
*lazy
*bitter
*judgmental
*self righteous
OUCH! those physically hurt almost to type. But such is the human condition, is it not? When the Bible says that we are fallen, it was not joking. When Paul said He was chief among sinners, I really can relate.
I truly am seeing this whole cleansing of the heart process so much more clearer now. Look at these scriptures about how he searches the heart.
1 Chronicles 28:9
"And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.
And here Jesus say's it plain as day in Matthew 9:4
"Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, 'Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
He can certainly ask us ALL that question couldn't He?
Now let me be clear, I do not believe what God has been showing me lately is condemnation. I believe as the scriptures say, that there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I believe what He was doing was growing me through revelation and conviction. Which is the Holy Spirits job, right?? Well He is doing his job well lately in my heart. At the start of the process I felt like much like David when he wrote the 13th Psalm...
Psalm 13:2
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
As David was, I was feeling the weight of the thoughts, the weight of refusing God's peace because I was refusing His sanctification. But now I am feeling like I am entering into a new growing time of actually, dare I say, wanting Him to search my heart and tell me. I think David too felt that way when he wrote Psalm 139...
Listen to this amazing Psalm written thousands of years ago by a man being affected by the very same God
Psalm 139:1-18
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
So here I sit, a wicked woman indeed. Yet I own the knowledge that my God never intended to leave me that way. The same God that called me away from a life of destruction is the same God that wants to save my precious heart from destruction. What a great and wonderful peace I have knowing that my God see's the thoughts of my heart, and loves me anyway. He knows me deeply yet works on me daily to mold me as clay in the potters hand. I cannot tonight even try to write about some of the miraculous things that have taken place in the last 24 hours, but it has been amazing. The greatest part has been the fact that God is not using this "showing of my sin" to shame me into change, He is using this to show me his love. That although humanity is wicked beyond imagination, He still sacrificed everything for us. He humbled himself for us, died for, rose victoriously for us, and all for what?? To gloat it over us? NO! To call us as precious children to His side. He loves me, for that I am sure.
He wishes my heart to be at peace, and that is part of his purpose in all this. I am finally feeling His peace completely take over my whole being. Praise God. He came just in time :)
The Answer.
I know the answer!! Yay for me. So what was the question?? Well, essentially it was "Why am I feeling so much emotional turmoil lately?"
Well I cannot write the post tonight, but I am excited to say that God has done a good bit of revealing to me in the last few days (as He is so good to do) and I can't wait to talk about it. I can leave you tonight with this, it has to do with these verses.......
2 Samuel
"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
and this... Genesis 6:5
"The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time."
and this....Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
and this....Deuteronomy 8:2
Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.
Till then....Good night!
(Italics and emphasis mine)
The Root of Bitterness....revisited.
Do any of you remember when I wrote the post on Bitterness? (If you didn't you may click on the highlighted portion to read it if you like.) Well unfortunately...I am right back where I was 8 MONTHS AGO! Well not nearly as entrenched or blind to it, but "in it" all the same. I cannot believe that I found myself back in it. However, unlike last time, as far as I know this root is not as large. I feel like I am recognizing it as quickly as it is laying claim to my heart. I feel the old urges, the old thoughts, the old feelings. "Why are they here?" I ask myself. I have no clear answer. My first initial answer to that is....well....to be honest...its my husbands fault! There I said it. Now is that really true? Probably not. Is he not helping? No he is not. But the question that I poured out to my Lord, through tears, this morning at church was "Why am I not handling this well!?!?!". I honestly don't know. Could be hormones, could be stress, could be all that we have been through lately building up. Could be lots of things. What I DO KNOW is that God has given me strength before to handle these things that Jake and I are going through. He has quieted my spirit, He has silenced my angry tongue, He has shown me peace in the midst of the chaos, He has spoken sweet words to my heart when people were hurting me to the core. Why is it now I could not hear Him? Feel Him? Or sense what in the world He wanted me to do? I think I have realized it. Bitterness took root again. I mentioned before in my post all those months ago, that I would always have to be careful about it because it had become habit to me to become bitter when certain things happened. Well a lot of those "things" involve me and my husband. Recently we have had some of these struggles creep up again and instead of turning to God and accepting His peace, I became bitter. I thought to myself "NOT AGAIN! I will NOT do this again. OH God, what if it stays this way?! What can I do to stop this?" That led to plan A, B, C, D, and E which all failed miserably (I know, surprise surprise). Those things failing and making things worse, left me feeling hopeless and frustrated. So I clung to the old, and oddly comfortable place of bitterness. It was like retreating to an old friend, and I did it literally over the span of only a few days. Now that I know where I am at, and what I have done, it's time to fix it. But even that is easier said than done. Sometimes I am not sure if I am strong enough to let go and "let God", ya know? I know what needs to be done. Repent of my wrong attitude and taking things into my own hands (did that), and completely surrender the future of everything to God (not quite). I feel to weak. I feel I can say that, but my trust is low. Anyhow, if you were looking for some profound revelation that solved it all, I am sorry, I have not found it. All I know is that I am in that place that many a Christian has walked. Where you know what you have to do, and what is best, but your not sure how to get from point A to point B. Anyone else ever been there?
One thing I do know, God does not forsake. So for now, as I work on surrender and strength I know that God will not leave. He will be there waiting for me to grow. Praise His mighty name for that! :)
So ladies, be honest....any struggles going on in your bloggy worlds?
