Love this baby.

Ok seriously, this baby is far too cute, and far too sweet.  We are all so blessed to have him.  Each of my children were such miracles, such blessings, and such a joy (despite the fact that I somehow landed three of the worst sleepers ever, but who's keeping track of that?).  But there is something to be said for the feeling you have when you have received something that was so long awaited for. My verse that describes this is  Proverbs 13:6 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.   My heart was sick each month that I realized that God was not going to cure my barren womb.  My hope was lost in a way.  And although only true hope, true joy, and true happiness comes from the Lord, He is using this sweet baby to bring a tree of life (hope and joy) again to this Momma.  Ethan was born to us January 29th, but was grown in our hearts for years prior to his birth.  He is everything we could have hoped for.  And everything we don't deserve.  Jake and I are not "deserving" parents.  Our walk is not always very strong, we bicker and argue, we are sometimes very immature and ungrateful.  YET the Lord saw fit to bless us again.  This, THIS my friends is what blows us away.   We have had our challenges, of that be sure.  Ethan came with some minor but chronic health issues, he is terrible teether and sleeper, the debt we owe for the adoption is not a fun thing to think about, or pay off either.  Our fairly "easy" life prior to Ethan has been blown to bits.  We can't go anywhere without frantically yelling for one another to grab a bottle, or diaper, bib, or pacifier while trying to get out the door without forgetting one of Ethan's "essentials"  :-)    We don't sit quietly in church anymore with our two older children by our side, we now bounce a baby, feed a baby, or walk to the back to sway him in our arms.   Date nights are harder now as far few people sign up to watch the two kids PLUS the cranky teething drooling non-sleeping baby  ;-)   
But I would not trade a THING, and we know exactly what the Lord was up to.  Ease, comfort, security, normalcy, these are words that I am convinced are not in our Lords vocabulary.  He loves to shake things up!  And I for one am glad that he does.  We love our family and Ethan has grown us all so much closer.

Every child is a gift, no matter when they are born or to whom they are born to.  Embrace what God calls a blessing and jump on board to see why!

Sweetness update.

Our new little sweet one is doing great.  We are all, children included, still in awe that God gave us this precious little gift.  Adoption is so inspiring because God takes what would be disastrous, what would be impossible, and makes it not only possible, but beautiful and redeemed.  Ethan is a gift, of that we are all aware.

As some of you know, Ethan had a little rough start.  Nothing major, but he did have sleep problems (possibly due to the very strong muscles relaxers the birth mom was on), chronic ear infections, stomach problems, and a pretty intense milk protein allergy.  

He still doesn't sleep great, but he is doing soooo much better.  He is not as restless and no longer wakes  3 minutes (on the dot!) after laying him down.  He even sleeps in his crib now!  He doesn't need to be rocked all the time anymore and is happy just laying down for bed and being patted on his back until he falls asleep. We don't let him "cry it out" but that's just our personal family decision.

As far as eating goes, he was doing "ok" on his very expensive hypoallergenic baby formula, but as of yesterday is now on a homemade raw goats milk formula.  He seems to be doing amazing on that!  I pray these results continue.  He is also teething and drooling buckets while eating his fist and fingers every chance he gets.  It's adorable.

We just love him soooooo much!  There are times however that I do look at all the diapers and formula and sleepless nights and strollers and schedules and think "I had it soooo easy before him", but just as quickly as that thought comes, God speaks to me the love that has been brought into our house because of him.  He has even brought "peace".  I know that only Christ can bring peace, but in this case he used a tiny little adopted infant to bring it to us.  Who wants to fight around a baby?  It's really true.  God has spoken volumes through this little one.  My husband for instance always knew it was his job to lead the family.  He loved teaching our older two.  But as our children become more independent, he/we sometimes got too busy with other things.   It became easy to think "they are doing fine".   The baby is a loud reminder that this "children in training" thing isn't ending anytime soon.  He has sparked a fire in both my husband and I to remain diligent in training our children in the way they should go.  And lovingly sharing our hearts with them while they are still young because they grow OH SO FAST!

It saddens me sometimes when I hear people talk of how much work children are (which they are!!!) and why they aren't having anymore because they like their independence (which I can sooo relate!), but what they are failing to realize is how much these hard little ones force us to rely upon God for our strength, for our sleep, for our daily bread!  They remind us this life is not about us.  They teach us to number our days because as you watch a little one grow you realize how fast it flies!  These little ones ground us to our homes, the exact thing feminists say is wrong and evil, is what God works together for our good!   Being home gives me time to love my husband and children, to provide healthy meals from home instead of fast food being eaten in the car on our way to another "thing".  Being home gives me time to be in the word, even if I am holding a tired infant in the other arm.

OK enough for now :-)   Blessing to all of you and I will update again soon.  Hopefully next time I will report what a GREAT SLEEPER Ethan is ;-)

Urban Chickens!

Yes, we live in Orange County California, and Yes, we just got three chickens :-)

It's very exciting and slightly nerve wracking.  Exciting because these are adorable pets, and the funnest things to watch.  Also because we LOVE fresh ranged organic eggs, and my kids can't stop playing "farmer" in the backyard.....priceless.  B U T......nerve wracking because I keep thinking "I'm a city girl, what do I know about raising chickens??".  I keep thinking I am going to mess up somehow and kill them through my ignorance.  Is my dog going to kill them?  Will they fly over my fence and my neighbors dog kill them?  What about all those chicken diseases???

It's still fun though, even with all the worries.  I am reading up more and more everyday on how to best take care of them and I am confident that my knowledge will be sufficient.  Plus, I mean, my kids are learning awesome lessons on taking care of things.   They are almost completely in charge!  They change the water, fill the food, scrape the poo with the shovel, let the chickens out to free range, and they even somehow manage to get them back in the coop later when we decide they need to go back in.  I love it!

So here are my 7 month old chickens.  Two Buff Orpingtons, and one Ameraucana. Their names are Hannah, Julia, and Ruby :-)  The kids picked the names.  Too cute.

A Contentious Wife part 2

A  definition of Contentious:  1) Tending towards argument or strife; quarrelsome. 2) Causing, involving, or characterized by argument or controversy.

Hmmmmm well I am certain the question of the day is.....how am I working out the details of NOT being a contentious wife?   Well, I am trying.  That is for sure.  Some days are better than others.  Some days I remember that the Lord wishes me to count my blessings, to remember to be respectful to my husband, to show him honor rather than constant annoyance with his "failures".  Other days, he's insensitive and rude, and really, I just go off.  Then we both repent, hug one another, pray and start over again.  Really, that's about as deep as it gets.   But that's life.   It is not romantic in the sense that Hollywood often portrays romance, or even the way our Christian romance novels portray it.  It's ugly.  It's messy.  But when God steps in and redeems it, it's the most beautiful thing in the world.  Anything that God redeems, is made beautiful.  That's how I view my marriage.  It can get sticky.  It has been ugly, mean, and downright sinful.  Yet as I sit back and marvel at the Lords handiwork over these last few years, and most importantly in these last 6 months or so, I see my marriage as a beautiful thing being woven together by a master artist.  He does this for a living....really.  :-)

So, down to the details.  Some things I have been trying to do, based on the sweet motivation from the Holy Spirit, have been:

~Trying to remember it's not all about me.  That means, that when I am wishing after a long night with the baby that my husband would remember to make me a cup of coffee when he gets up to make his, I instead try and think of something I can do for him.  Is he hungry?  Does he want a good morning hug, rather than a glare for not making me said coffee?

~Remembering to look at his attributes, not his failures.  Has he done something lately that was good, thoughtful, or self sacrificing?  Tell HIM!

~When he shares a wild dream of living in Alaska, or buying a third car because he "feels" we need a truck, remembering to nod and smile.  For the love of everything good DO NOT share the thoughts in your mind (ie. "Are you nuts!" , "have you seen our budget sweet heart? Does it have a large gaping hole that is screaming 'fill me with a new car payment'?"  "Sure honey, you go live up in the wilderness where it's freezing and play inside with the kids all day while packing heat to defend against bears on your way to the store".) 

~Thinking about the fact that while he may come off as cold or indifferent, really he is just thinking through things in his mind and will share them when he has thought it all through.

~HE'S REALLY NOT A BAD GUY

~Thinking about things like : does he like this shirt on me?  Does he enjoy the smell of this perfume?  Does he like this meal, or is it just me and the kids?

These are just a few of many examples.  But really, breaking the cycle of being a contentious wife, is really just the process of being open to what God sees when it comes to how you really think and act towards your husband.    Then remembering to put into practice a life of repentance when you loose your way, forgiveness when he looses his, and filling in everything in between with love.
1 Peter 4:8  " Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins"

A Contentious Wife.

1. Proverbs 21:9
   It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
2. Proverbs 21:19It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.
3. Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
4. Proverbs 27:15
   A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike;

Hmmmmmmm, I sense a theme here by the wonderful author Solomon.  And although what he says is true, he may have had a BIT more experience with this than most men, given that he had 700 wives and 300 concubines.  He was bound to marry a few "contentious women".  

I will start this post with a humbling admission, (*gulp*).....I am a Contentious Woman.  Well a contentious wife, to be exact.  Startling how little that hurts.  Truly, it is hard to admit, but when God reveals to you a weakness, and then works in your heart to set you free from it, it's really not so painful. God has given me much hope in this last month.  I am changing, more and more everyday, the way I see things in my marriage.  And things are getting good, and getting good fast!  This is why it is a joy to share with you my journey on leaving  the contentious side of me in the past.

If you would have asked me anytime in the last ten years if I was a contentious woman/wife, I would have meekly said "oh no.  Not me.  I definitely struggle with my own personal sins, and I am not a perfect wife, but I totally believe in biblical submission.  I love my husband and submit to him often.  I am not like THOSE women! (slyly nodding my head in the direction of the woman demeaning her husband in public, and then sort of pointing in the direction of another woman telling her husband to "keep up" as the walk by). "

No, you see, the problem was not that I didn't care that I really WAS considered contentious by my husband, the problem was, I had NO IDEA what a contentions woman really looked like!  Honestly.  I really never thought I was one.  I never thought my husband thought I was one either.  I had such extremes to compare it to.   

For instance, my Mother, who I love dearly and truly is a wonderful role model in many ways, divorced 3 husbands.  I wasn't running to divorce court every time we had conflict, no, indeed, I was running to the bible!   So I was a good wife..... right?

I also had some good girlfriends, who loved Jesus, tremendously, but honestly treated their husbands like.....well....dogs.  I wasn't like them either! I never screamed at my husband in public, or left him a mile long "To Do" list on his weekends off.  On the contrary, I tried my best to "show" my husband respect, especially in public, and I rarely asked him to do much around the house.  So far I am doing great, right??  

So why is it that we had such a tough marriage?  Why is it my husband stopped confiding in me?  Why did he seem distant and harsh?  Why did he never listen to me anymore, or bring me flowers, or show affection?

The reason is simple.  Just because I didn't do, what I viewed as, "the extremes" doesn't mean I wasn't being Contentious to Jake.  

You see, I am proud to say I reject a lot of the feminist ideas.  I think hard core feminism is harsh to society, men, families,and children.  It's unfair, and down right un-biblical.  But I have realized lately that I still held some feminist idea's somewhere deep down.  I was raised in a non-Christian home and went to public school in the 90's.  Feminism was all around me.  I thought that as I became a Christian and read the Word and walked closely with my savior, I would just naturally let go of all these worldly thoughts and ideas and assume the thoughts of my Savior.

Ummmmm No. 

Not so much.  I see now that I truly thought that my needs were more important, even more noble, than his.  I mean, my need for love and honor is highly important. I work hard all day with the kids, and house, I deserve it.  His need for an adoring wife and true respect that comes from the heart was well....selfish, and very male (foreign).  Somehow my needs were valid and his were male pride.  Yikes.  

So when I "respected" him in public, yet despised him in my heart for not being the leader and man I wanted him to be, well then I was never really respecting  him at all.  And he knew it.  I tried to be encouraging, I really did.  I tried to encourage him to be a better man, a better Christian, a better father and husband.  A man knows when he doesn't measure up, even when I would say with my lips "I love you honey".  He always heard "I love you honey, but I don't respect who you are.  Maybe one day you will meet my standards, but right now you're a miserable failure".  Try being affectionate to that message. 

Then there was the double standards. When I sin, it is minor, because I do the "right" things.  See I handle my sin biblically.  I repent, reflect, confess, and do my best to walk in God's grace and not do it again.  But HE, well HE would just hide and run away from it. So his sin is now BIGGER.  " No No No. Not OK.  Come here little one, and let me show you how it's done.  You see honey, you can't even sin correctly........ let me show you how to do it...".  

Wowza.  I just couldn't figure out why things weren't cheery anymore ;-)

And on and on this went.  

"Jake, I love you, please lead the family"

(the next day)"Jake you're messing everything up by not leading, our children are going to be prostitutes and heathens!"

"Seriously, honey, you can do it, just read your bible everyday and teach the children just a few minutes a day and you'll be just like Doug Phillips and Voddie Baucham!" (now truly I did not SAY this, but I am sure this is what my husbands heart heard)

(the next day) "Seriously!!???  This sin again??  You're hopeless. You suck"

OK, now that you all hate me and think I am the wicked witch of the west, please know that God did get a hold of my heart.   He showed me in the most loving way, the only thing that would wake me up.  What my life would be like without Jake, and all his "failures".  It was just a simple vision I saw in my head as I contemplated our marriage, after another failed "date  night" (you know the kind, where you end up parked in the neighborhood screaming at each other in the car, instead of making out in the car.  You have those right?).  

I realized just that suddenly how terrible my life would be like without Jake in it.  I also so how very hard he tried to be all we needed him to be.  I saw all the good in that man, and I was so ashamed for being disappointed in him.  I was determined to pray and think, and pray some more to figure out the specifics of what I was doing to drive Jake away.  SO I prayed, and asked friends to pray, I even accepted a book from a friend on marriage, which is rare since I HATE marriage books and think they are formed in dark pits of evile devised to frustrate people.  

What God then showed me really burst my bubble...........  come back for the second post on "A Contentious Wife" and see what I am learning, how I am applying it and how my husband is responding.  

P.S. I have full permission by my husband to write this :-)  because after all, I am the submissive type, right? ;-)

Ethan. Sweetness.

We are still struggling with Sweet Ethan's sleep (sometimes he wakes every hour throughout the night), but we are NOT struggling with one thing........ OUR LOVE FOR THIS LITTLE SWEETHEART!  Seriously, we are so in love.  Even in my sleep deprived, non-showered, crazy hair, messy house......life.......we can both say for sure we are totally open for however many adoptions the Lord wants to bring us.  He will choose.  Honestly I would be heartbroken if he was our last, but God knows what he wants for each family.  However at this time we have decided to move forward with some sort of adoption (whether it be domestic infant like Ethan, or Foster to adopt, or international adoption) Next February.  Right after Ethan's one year birthday.  We are very excited.  The Lord has done marvelous works in our house lately, especially in our marriage and parenting, and I am thrilled at what I see.  God is so good.  Until I have a few more minutes to talk (blog) about some cool stuff going on and swirling in my mind, I leave you with a picture Ethan's favorite place to be.

I'm back!

WOW, that was a crazy roller coaster of a time.  These last 9 weeks have been trying!  But I am back now, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  I have learned so much lately, all the sleeplessness, worry about the baby, and breakdowns have all been worth it.

I should say first off, thank you to any of you who prayed for me or Ethan, or both of us.  Ethan is doing soooooo much better, and the off flow of that is I AM DOING better too :-)

It turned out that not only was he having digestive issues, but also continual ear infections.    We first found out about his ear infections by chance at the doctors office several weeks ago.  We had no clue!  We had not even suspected ear infections for his pain, since he showed so many signs that it was his tummy.  And although his tummy did (and sometimes still does) hurt, I am certain his double ear infection hurt far worse.   We did ten days of antibiotics.  I assumed it went away but when we took him back he still had fluid behind both ears and one ear was still very infected.  So now we are on a much stronger antibiotic which really really seems to be helping.  Bless his little heart!

He is letting his precious beautiful little personality come out now, and finally feels well enough to flash us a smile from time to time.  He is just wonderful.  He is also letting me sleep a bit more at night, which is helping me face our days with much more gusto!

I really slipped into a depression there for a little while.  I guess it was a mix between my hormones being off ( I had to go off my bio-identical hormone therapy while breastfeeding), not coping with stress well, lack of sleep, and sadly......lack of prayer and being in the Word.

The baby stopped breastfeeding several weeks ago (he just wouldn't do it anymore, he would scream when I put him to the breast, he just far preferred the bottle since my milk was decreasing), so I went back on my bio-identical hormone therapy.  Also, I am making it a point to comfort myself with prayer, and the bible, rather than TV or sugar.  Speaking of sugar, I am taking the 30 day no sugar challenge!  We are super excited (it's always funny when your super excited the first couple of days! ha!)
So  that is pretty much the things going on in this house.  We are learning to adjust, and just dwell in the moment of loving one another.  I leave you with this precious picture to show how much better sweet little one is getting......