Do think its possible to be born again? Do you think its possible to Feel born again over and over and over? I believe we are born again in Christ. However today I FEEL born again (again). I love that the Lord answered me in my distress. That He heard my cry and turned his ear to me. It's so simple. One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is Psalm 116. In it, it states, "I love the Lord for he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me I will call on him as long as I live." That is exactly what he does over and over for me. Here are some lyrics to a song I just CANNOT sing enough. When It comes on I just close my eyes and lift my face to heaven. Put's into words how I am feeling now.
Today I found myself,
After searching all these years,
And the man that I saw,
He wasn't at all who I'd thought He'd be,
I was lost when You found me here,
And I was broken beyond repair,
Then You came along and sang Your song over me
Chorus 1
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time,
In my life
Verse 2
Make a promise to me now,
Reassure my heart somehow,
That the love that I feel,
is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul,
And I pray that I'm not wrong,
That the life I have now,
It is only the beginning
Chorus 2
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time
Bridge
I wasn't looking for something that was more,
Than what I had yesterday,
Then You came to me,
Then You gave to me,
Life and a love that I've never known,
That I've never felt before
Final Chorus
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time,
In my life
Can you feel that? That song is amazing. God is so good to me. He truly is abounding in patience. I cannot believe how easy it is sometime to forget how far he has brought us. Think back to your life before.......I can remember the sadness, the loneliness, the sin, the filth, the drugs, the cigarettes, the alcohol, depression. OHHHHH but now, it is as that song said, it feels like I'm living for the first time in my life! Nothing huge has happened to change my circumstances. God has just simply whispered to my heart "My beloved, remember where you have been, think now on where we are together, and this is just the beginning. We only have forward to go from here." I can feel His sweet breath on my cheek as He reveals His truth to me. My depression is simply my heart always wanting to be in charge, and being sooo impatient that I mistake waiting, for abandonment. I am not abandoned by God, I am waiting on his perfect timing. I am not abandoned by friends, I am waiting. Thank you Lord, for revelation.
Born Again.
what can I say...
What can I say about why haven't I updated the blog? lack of inspiration? lack of time? Too busy feeding the hungry and adopting the orphans? Nope. None of these. Sadly its that ugly word, nobody likes to say or admit. I'm depressed. There I said it. Whewwww I feel much better. OK not really, but I thought it might make you feel better if I wrote that. ha ha. What exactly is wrong with me? I'm not sure. I think it could be a mix of things. Hormones....possibly. But I think more than anything, its loneliness. Yes, I'm the girl with a thousand friends and nobody she really feels like she can talk to. Its depressing even to write that. I know there are people with serious problems and worries and I know I have no reason for feeling like this, but I can't seem to shake it none the less. There are several contributing factors that God has raised to my attention that are not helping the situation. One is Jake and I have "friends" but lack of real fellowship with others. He has a job, but is not truly happy at all with it. I have a home but long to fill it with noise and laughter of people and ministry, yet every door to make that happen keeps closing. I long to have another child and to bring many more children into our family, yet I haven't been able to conceive. I long to adopt but things keep getting in the way, doors keep shutting, and money is too tight to adopt overseas. My husband and I are growing in the Lord (him more than I), but we cant seem to find a ministry. I know this looks like a long list of complaints, but in reality its just things that I know we are personally feeling and dealing with. Its hard to be in a state without close family and friends. We have friends, but I guess we are looking for something more. You know the kind where you can call them up anytime and say "hey, whatcha doin?" and they answer "nothing, wanna come over and visit?". The friends that just stop by for a cup of coffee or an evening walk. The friends that just like being with you, and praying for you. Friends that wont judge you because you don't watch t.v. or because you want more than a couple kids. Jake has longed also for friends. Please pray, that we would have answers from God in some questions we are asking Him. Please also pray that this heaviness of depression and loneliness lifts soon. Thanks sooooooooooooo much! love you all.
Nazi's are Cycloneans
Ohhhh the things that come out of my little Jacob's mouth.
First let me tell the story of the spanking, then I will get into the reason why I wrote about Nazi's in my subject line. So, the kids are playing out front and I hear Jacob start screaming "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!! Don't tell mom! IM SORRRRRRRYYYYYY!!!". In comes Ireland who goes on to tell me that Jacob and her were playing tennis out front (basically hitting a tennis ball to each other on the grass), and that she just happened to win repeatedly (hummmm I wonder how my older, competitive daughter happened to win? Could it be that when she plays games she makes it so she always wins?). Well apparently Jacob got a little frustrated by this and yelled at sissy, who in turn vowed never to play with him again. Which caused Jacob to chuck the tennis racket at her as she walked away! She wasn't hurt though. But we have a very stern rule about hitting people especially his sister. So I told Jacob to go to his room and await his punishment. I then told him that he had disobeyed the rules and for that he must have a punishment. I spanked him then. After his spanking he turned to me and screamed, "I am tired of this lazy old house and I am ready to leave!!!! I don't want to stay here anymore and I want to find a new home!"...... ummmm first of all I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I wanted to laugh hysterically because I couldn't help but think, where in the world did he come up with term "lazy old house"??????? But then I wanted to cry huge sad tears because for the first time my baby had wanted to leave me. I ended up just looking at him with huge eyes and closing his door. Jacob is a mommy's boy through and through. He never wants to leave me. He used to still beg me to sit and hold him, even right after a spanking or a timeout, and now he wanted to move away? I remember doing that to my mom when I was little. I wonder if it hurt her as bad as it hurt me? Jump now to literally 20 minutes later, and Jacob is bouncing around in the living room and piling up the couch cushions so he can jump on to them from the couch. I am sitting on the couch and reading a book, while glancing up from time to time to tell him what a good job he is doing and how I cant believe how far he can jump. I look to him and say " So do you still want to move away from mommy now?". He then looks at me and smile's this huge smile and says " No way, I love you! I will stay for a few days and keep you with me always." sniff sniff. So sweet. I wonder if that decision of profound love for me had anything to do with the fact I let him jump on the couch????? :)
Then He settles down a bit and looks on to the cover of what I am reading. It is a fiction book about a lady who helps smuggle Jewish kids out of Nazi Germany and Austria. So on the cover is a lady holding two small kids about to board a train.
Jacob: "Mom what is that lady doing with those boys?"
me: "helping them escape from some very bad people"
Jacob: " Is she going to take the train?"
Me: "yes. She is going to take them somewhere safe"
Jacob: "Why do those bad people not like them?"
Me: "because they are Nazi's and Nazi's didn't like Jews, and those children were Jews. Some people just turn so far away from God that they choose the most horrible kinds of evil. That's why God sent that nice lady to help protect those children?"
Jacob: "Well if those bad people came after me, I would call them nuts, not Nazi's! Actually I would call them Cycloneans.
Cycloneans are the bad guys in a cartoon Jacob used to watch called Storm Hawks. I couldn't help but laugh. Nazi's, Jacob cant understand, but cycloneans, now that's something he gets. I love me kiddo's. I wish I had ten more just like them!
Do you have tissue's?
I titled this post "do you have tissue's?" because of the simple reason that if you choose to watch this video all the way through, you will need them. My heart cannot explain the very many things this video and this woman's words have done for me. I believe in my heart that God is all she has said and more. I vow from here on out to know God, know myself, know the gospel, and know my purpose. May you be blessed as much as I was by this video. It is long, but worth every minute of your time. Turn off Grey's Anatomy or whatever pointless show that takes up your time, and turn on this, that may have an everlasting impact.
http://deathisnotdying.com/
I would do anything for bread right now
Let me give you a quick update on all the "fun" things going on with me. First, I have not been feeling that well. Which is not uncommon for me since I am often suffering from stomach aches due to my IBS, (which I may or may not actually have given some recent information). I decided to have a food sensitivity test done to see if its a possibility that some of the foods I am eating I might be sensitive or even intolerant to, and that that might be the reason I get stomach aches and feel sick all the time. OK, not to gross anyone out, (but you know I am going to) I was having like nine to ten bowel movements a day, horrible stomach pains off and on for years now (was told I have IBS, but they didn't test for it since there is NO TEST for IBS). Anyways, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. So my sweet mom offered to pay for the test. It came back the other day and let me tell you, my jaw hit the floor and I pretty much just cried. There were sooo many things on that list it was ridiculous! I wont write the whole list, but will sum up some of the harder ones......... NO dairy, NO meat except for pork, NO sugar, and NO gluten, so basically no more happiness!!!!!!!!
OK, glad that is off my chest. I am so glad I just posted for all to see that I have too many bowel movements and now I have nothing to eat but rice cakes. GREAT!
honestly just to drill it home to you, I drink coffee every morning. I love it with a little cream and sugar. This morning I had black coffee, sweetened with a little agave nectar. If you are wondering what agave nectar is, JOIN THE GROUP! Apparently is a nectar from the delicious agave plant, which in NO WAY compares to cream and sugar but will have to do.
I am seriously going to go postal if I don't get some bread or sugar soon. Goodnight to all and enjoy your toast and coffee in the morning. I will be having my black coffee with cream of buckwheat cereal. :)
Will post again soon, with hopefully a great report about how great I feel and how much energy I have.
