what can I say...

What can I say about why haven't I updated the blog? lack of inspiration? lack of time? Too busy feeding the hungry and adopting the orphans? Nope. None of these. Sadly its that ugly word, nobody likes to say or admit. I'm depressed. There I said it. Whewwww I feel much better. OK not really, but I thought it might make you feel better if I wrote that. ha ha. What exactly is wrong with me? I'm not sure. I think it could be a mix of things. Hormones....possibly. But I think more than anything, its loneliness. Yes, I'm the girl with a thousand friends and nobody she really feels like she can talk to. Its depressing even to write that. I know there are people with serious problems and worries and I know I have no reason for feeling like this, but I can't seem to shake it none the less. There are several contributing factors that God has raised to my attention that are not helping the situation. One is Jake and I have "friends" but lack of real fellowship with others. He has a job, but is not truly happy at all with it. I have a home but long to fill it with noise and laughter of people and ministry, yet every door to make that happen keeps closing. I long to have another child and to bring many more children into our family, yet I haven't been able to conceive. I long to adopt but things keep getting in the way, doors keep shutting, and money is too tight to adopt overseas. My husband and I are growing in the Lord (him more than I), but we cant seem to find a ministry. I know this looks like a long list of complaints, but in reality its just things that I know we are personally feeling and dealing with. Its hard to be in a state without close family and friends. We have friends, but I guess we are looking for something more. You know the kind where you can call them up anytime and say "hey, whatcha doin?" and they answer "nothing, wanna come over and visit?". The friends that just stop by for a cup of coffee or an evening walk. The friends that just like being with you, and praying for you. Friends that wont judge you because you don't watch t.v. or because you want more than a couple kids. Jake has longed also for friends. Please pray, that we would have answers from God in some questions we are asking Him. Please also pray that this heaviness of depression and loneliness lifts soon. Thanks sooooooooooooo much! love you all.