Homestudies and patience.

Homestudy  :A three-part process required before a child can be placed with a family for foster care or adoption:

 I still cannot believe that the last time I was on here we were starting yet another homestudy journey.  It has been 7 months since then and we ARE STILL WAITING to finish.  This is by far the LONGEST homestudy we have ever done.  Partially it is because we are doing Foster to Adopt, and partially it is due to the fact that we went through a small organization that is a sort of middle man, or go-between if you will, for the County.  We really wanted to avoid dealing too much with the county directly, so this organization has been worth the wait.  They are small and understaffed, hence the extreme length of time it has taken to finish the homestudy.  We are however, nearing the end.  It looks like we will be receiving phone calls and looking at the files of precious children in just a few short weeks.  This will be the hardest part.  Looking and reading files of children after children after children, all who need a home, all who need mommies and daddies, all who need to know the love of Christ.  How do you pick just one?  Or just two?  I guess the answer is you don't.  We are praying so hard (would you join me in this prayer?) that God would make it very obvious whom he has for us.  I know the children that are meant to be with us will be with us, but I also know I might fret just a tad if I loose that focus.  So I pray that before I can fret about which children we are to bring home, that God would say "these are the ones I have for you". 
   After they come into our home, there will be a huge time of adjustment for everyone.  I am sure I don't have to tell you the absolute fear and confusion a child goes through every time they have to transition to a new home and family, both of which they are unfamiliar with.  And we ourselves will have to adjust to the logistics of more children as well as the emotional strain of trying to care for their fragile little hearts.  But this we are assured of; that God will prepare us when we are in need.  I believe with all my heart I am not prepared right at this moment for all that will be required of us as we continue adopting, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God WILL grant us all we need when we need it.  I was not prepared to be a mom at 19 when I was alone and unmarried, but God in his mercy granted me wisdom, and love and devotion every day that I needed it to be her mother.  I was also not prepared for all the challenges of marriage either, but in the mercy that is new every morning I learn how to be a wife to Jake.  I say this to show you that the power to commit ourselves to love and good works does not come from us.  It comes from the Holy Spirit in us.  He calls us to things, and we think "no way!  I am totally not able to do that".  No we are not, but He is!  And He lives in us, and greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world!
    Everyday that Jake and I feel the joy of knowing, this is what we are meant to do (even with a bit of fear and trepidation in the back of our minds), we also feel a grieving that "the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few".  Where are the workers?  There is so much to do.  And I am not referring only to cause of the Orphan. *Sigh* but this is a topic for another day.
    The Lord is awakening our hearts and minds to the great need around us.  Almost like we are seeing it for the first time.  It is wonderful, exhilarating, terrifying, and almost sad.  Wonderful because we are ready to serve, we are ready to love, we are ready to say YES to our King.  Exhilarating and terrifying because it is a scary thing sometimes to say YES to God and not be in control of what he will ask (can I get an Amen?).   And finally it is sad.  Sad to realize how many years of following Christ we followed him selfishly.  We didn't want to care about the things He cared about.  We didn't want to love the unlovable, or even have more children.  We are also sad to see just how many Christians live exactly the same way, unwilling to stop being pampered and entertained (as we have come to the conclusion that that is how we were/and often still are), and not wanting to step out and do the things that God has prepared for all Christians to do.   Let's remember that our life is a breath, a vapor, and that there is much much much to be done.

While we wait,
Valerie

Ethan, Adoption, and Updates.

Hello sweet bloggy world,

Sometimes I still cannot believe how long I go without blogging these days.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I care less and less about the "issues" I used to be so passionate about and more and more find that I just love simply being a mom.  My three sweeties bless me tremendously.  They also grow me, stretch me, frustrate me, and mirror me.  Which in general wears me out.   But I absolutely don't want to be or do anything else except serve God, and raise these little ones.

Speaking of little ones, Ethan has his final court date for his adoption coming up soon.  His adoption was complete the moment we knew he would be ours, but the state likes to have it's say so Ethan is "officially" ours on October 3rd.  What a fun day that will be.  Do you think I will cry???  Maybe just a bit ;-)

And speaking of adoption, I am happy to announce that my sweet man and I, with much prayer and trepidation, have decided to adopt again come February.   We are very nervous and very excited.  But mostly nervous.  We are truly wanting to be in Gods will and I have to say, this is a scary decision for us.  We have decided to adopt older children, through the foster system.  And more than likely we will be adopting siblings.  Is this scary?  Heck yes!  Are we aware of the great needs these children will have, and the great turmoil that will enter our home?  Possibly.   But are we also aware that God makes all things new, and will use even the hardest of times to grow and benefit our family. Yes, God works all things together.  We think this is a good time to do it.  We have a house, a stable job, older children who are now a bit more mature and capable to handle some of the harder issues that come with adopting older children, and we have a baby who will never remember a bit of it :-)

Anyhow, Jake and I have been so blessed and so stressed as of late.  Blessed in more ways than I can mention and stressed because we have been letting things and feeling get in the way of our walk with the Lord.  We have been working through marriage issues, parenting issues,  forgiveness, communication, and our love languages.  And I am so happy to finally be seeing the fruits of the labor.  God is at work in us and in our marriage, and I am so grateful for that.  May we never stop growing.  I know what it's like to just stay stagnant, and not "feel" my need for the Lord.  It's not a good place.  But through our stresses we  have been brought to our knees in our great need for HIM to help pick up all the pieces.  IT is precious to watch the Lord do it.   I think the thing I love the most about Christ our Lord is that He isn't afraid of, nor does he shy away from, our messy messy lives.  He dives right in, and speaks truth.  Love his GRACE!

We would love to keep all of you up to date on our new adoption journey.  We even have a sibling group in mind as of now, and will contacting their social worker next week  to see if we can start visiting them and getting to know them over the next few months until we are ready to get everything started again for the adoption.  We are praying (and I hope you will join us in praying!) that the Lord will select the children he has for our family and that we would follow HIS lead and not our hearts.

May he bless you this day!

Love this baby.

Ok seriously, this baby is far too cute, and far too sweet.  We are all so blessed to have him.  Each of my children were such miracles, such blessings, and such a joy (despite the fact that I somehow landed three of the worst sleepers ever, but who's keeping track of that?).  But there is something to be said for the feeling you have when you have received something that was so long awaited for. My verse that describes this is  Proverbs 13:6 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.   My heart was sick each month that I realized that God was not going to cure my barren womb.  My hope was lost in a way.  And although only true hope, true joy, and true happiness comes from the Lord, He is using this sweet baby to bring a tree of life (hope and joy) again to this Momma.  Ethan was born to us January 29th, but was grown in our hearts for years prior to his birth.  He is everything we could have hoped for.  And everything we don't deserve.  Jake and I are not "deserving" parents.  Our walk is not always very strong, we bicker and argue, we are sometimes very immature and ungrateful.  YET the Lord saw fit to bless us again.  This, THIS my friends is what blows us away.   We have had our challenges, of that be sure.  Ethan came with some minor but chronic health issues, he is terrible teether and sleeper, the debt we owe for the adoption is not a fun thing to think about, or pay off either.  Our fairly "easy" life prior to Ethan has been blown to bits.  We can't go anywhere without frantically yelling for one another to grab a bottle, or diaper, bib, or pacifier while trying to get out the door without forgetting one of Ethan's "essentials"  :-)    We don't sit quietly in church anymore with our two older children by our side, we now bounce a baby, feed a baby, or walk to the back to sway him in our arms.   Date nights are harder now as far few people sign up to watch the two kids PLUS the cranky teething drooling non-sleeping baby  ;-)   
But I would not trade a THING, and we know exactly what the Lord was up to.  Ease, comfort, security, normalcy, these are words that I am convinced are not in our Lords vocabulary.  He loves to shake things up!  And I for one am glad that he does.  We love our family and Ethan has grown us all so much closer.

Every child is a gift, no matter when they are born or to whom they are born to.  Embrace what God calls a blessing and jump on board to see why!

Sweetness update.

Our new little sweet one is doing great.  We are all, children included, still in awe that God gave us this precious little gift.  Adoption is so inspiring because God takes what would be disastrous, what would be impossible, and makes it not only possible, but beautiful and redeemed.  Ethan is a gift, of that we are all aware.

As some of you know, Ethan had a little rough start.  Nothing major, but he did have sleep problems (possibly due to the very strong muscles relaxers the birth mom was on), chronic ear infections, stomach problems, and a pretty intense milk protein allergy.  

He still doesn't sleep great, but he is doing soooo much better.  He is not as restless and no longer wakes  3 minutes (on the dot!) after laying him down.  He even sleeps in his crib now!  He doesn't need to be rocked all the time anymore and is happy just laying down for bed and being patted on his back until he falls asleep. We don't let him "cry it out" but that's just our personal family decision.

As far as eating goes, he was doing "ok" on his very expensive hypoallergenic baby formula, but as of yesterday is now on a homemade raw goats milk formula.  He seems to be doing amazing on that!  I pray these results continue.  He is also teething and drooling buckets while eating his fist and fingers every chance he gets.  It's adorable.

We just love him soooooo much!  There are times however that I do look at all the diapers and formula and sleepless nights and strollers and schedules and think "I had it soooo easy before him", but just as quickly as that thought comes, God speaks to me the love that has been brought into our house because of him.  He has even brought "peace".  I know that only Christ can bring peace, but in this case he used a tiny little adopted infant to bring it to us.  Who wants to fight around a baby?  It's really true.  God has spoken volumes through this little one.  My husband for instance always knew it was his job to lead the family.  He loved teaching our older two.  But as our children become more independent, he/we sometimes got too busy with other things.   It became easy to think "they are doing fine".   The baby is a loud reminder that this "children in training" thing isn't ending anytime soon.  He has sparked a fire in both my husband and I to remain diligent in training our children in the way they should go.  And lovingly sharing our hearts with them while they are still young because they grow OH SO FAST!

It saddens me sometimes when I hear people talk of how much work children are (which they are!!!) and why they aren't having anymore because they like their independence (which I can sooo relate!), but what they are failing to realize is how much these hard little ones force us to rely upon God for our strength, for our sleep, for our daily bread!  They remind us this life is not about us.  They teach us to number our days because as you watch a little one grow you realize how fast it flies!  These little ones ground us to our homes, the exact thing feminists say is wrong and evil, is what God works together for our good!   Being home gives me time to love my husband and children, to provide healthy meals from home instead of fast food being eaten in the car on our way to another "thing".  Being home gives me time to be in the word, even if I am holding a tired infant in the other arm.

OK enough for now :-)   Blessing to all of you and I will update again soon.  Hopefully next time I will report what a GREAT SLEEPER Ethan is ;-)

Urban Chickens!

Yes, we live in Orange County California, and Yes, we just got three chickens :-)

It's very exciting and slightly nerve wracking.  Exciting because these are adorable pets, and the funnest things to watch.  Also because we LOVE fresh ranged organic eggs, and my kids can't stop playing "farmer" in the backyard.....priceless.  B U T......nerve wracking because I keep thinking "I'm a city girl, what do I know about raising chickens??".  I keep thinking I am going to mess up somehow and kill them through my ignorance.  Is my dog going to kill them?  Will they fly over my fence and my neighbors dog kill them?  What about all those chicken diseases???

It's still fun though, even with all the worries.  I am reading up more and more everyday on how to best take care of them and I am confident that my knowledge will be sufficient.  Plus, I mean, my kids are learning awesome lessons on taking care of things.   They are almost completely in charge!  They change the water, fill the food, scrape the poo with the shovel, let the chickens out to free range, and they even somehow manage to get them back in the coop later when we decide they need to go back in.  I love it!

So here are my 7 month old chickens.  Two Buff Orpingtons, and one Ameraucana. Their names are Hannah, Julia, and Ruby :-)  The kids picked the names.  Too cute.

A Contentious Wife part 2

A  definition of Contentious:  1) Tending towards argument or strife; quarrelsome. 2) Causing, involving, or characterized by argument or controversy.

Hmmmmm well I am certain the question of the day is.....how am I working out the details of NOT being a contentious wife?   Well, I am trying.  That is for sure.  Some days are better than others.  Some days I remember that the Lord wishes me to count my blessings, to remember to be respectful to my husband, to show him honor rather than constant annoyance with his "failures".  Other days, he's insensitive and rude, and really, I just go off.  Then we both repent, hug one another, pray and start over again.  Really, that's about as deep as it gets.   But that's life.   It is not romantic in the sense that Hollywood often portrays romance, or even the way our Christian romance novels portray it.  It's ugly.  It's messy.  But when God steps in and redeems it, it's the most beautiful thing in the world.  Anything that God redeems, is made beautiful.  That's how I view my marriage.  It can get sticky.  It has been ugly, mean, and downright sinful.  Yet as I sit back and marvel at the Lords handiwork over these last few years, and most importantly in these last 6 months or so, I see my marriage as a beautiful thing being woven together by a master artist.  He does this for a living....really.  :-)

So, down to the details.  Some things I have been trying to do, based on the sweet motivation from the Holy Spirit, have been:

~Trying to remember it's not all about me.  That means, that when I am wishing after a long night with the baby that my husband would remember to make me a cup of coffee when he gets up to make his, I instead try and think of something I can do for him.  Is he hungry?  Does he want a good morning hug, rather than a glare for not making me said coffee?

~Remembering to look at his attributes, not his failures.  Has he done something lately that was good, thoughtful, or self sacrificing?  Tell HIM!

~When he shares a wild dream of living in Alaska, or buying a third car because he "feels" we need a truck, remembering to nod and smile.  For the love of everything good DO NOT share the thoughts in your mind (ie. "Are you nuts!" , "have you seen our budget sweet heart? Does it have a large gaping hole that is screaming 'fill me with a new car payment'?"  "Sure honey, you go live up in the wilderness where it's freezing and play inside with the kids all day while packing heat to defend against bears on your way to the store".) 

~Thinking about the fact that while he may come off as cold or indifferent, really he is just thinking through things in his mind and will share them when he has thought it all through.

~HE'S REALLY NOT A BAD GUY

~Thinking about things like : does he like this shirt on me?  Does he enjoy the smell of this perfume?  Does he like this meal, or is it just me and the kids?

These are just a few of many examples.  But really, breaking the cycle of being a contentious wife, is really just the process of being open to what God sees when it comes to how you really think and act towards your husband.    Then remembering to put into practice a life of repentance when you loose your way, forgiveness when he looses his, and filling in everything in between with love.
1 Peter 4:8  " Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins"

A Contentious Wife.

1. Proverbs 21:9
   It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
2. Proverbs 21:19It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.
3. Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
4. Proverbs 27:15
   A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike;

Hmmmmmmm, I sense a theme here by the wonderful author Solomon.  And although what he says is true, he may have had a BIT more experience with this than most men, given that he had 700 wives and 300 concubines.  He was bound to marry a few "contentious women".  

I will start this post with a humbling admission, (*gulp*).....I am a Contentious Woman.  Well a contentious wife, to be exact.  Startling how little that hurts.  Truly, it is hard to admit, but when God reveals to you a weakness, and then works in your heart to set you free from it, it's really not so painful. God has given me much hope in this last month.  I am changing, more and more everyday, the way I see things in my marriage.  And things are getting good, and getting good fast!  This is why it is a joy to share with you my journey on leaving  the contentious side of me in the past.

If you would have asked me anytime in the last ten years if I was a contentious woman/wife, I would have meekly said "oh no.  Not me.  I definitely struggle with my own personal sins, and I am not a perfect wife, but I totally believe in biblical submission.  I love my husband and submit to him often.  I am not like THOSE women! (slyly nodding my head in the direction of the woman demeaning her husband in public, and then sort of pointing in the direction of another woman telling her husband to "keep up" as the walk by). "

No, you see, the problem was not that I didn't care that I really WAS considered contentious by my husband, the problem was, I had NO IDEA what a contentions woman really looked like!  Honestly.  I really never thought I was one.  I never thought my husband thought I was one either.  I had such extremes to compare it to.   

For instance, my Mother, who I love dearly and truly is a wonderful role model in many ways, divorced 3 husbands.  I wasn't running to divorce court every time we had conflict, no, indeed, I was running to the bible!   So I was a good wife..... right?

I also had some good girlfriends, who loved Jesus, tremendously, but honestly treated their husbands like.....well....dogs.  I wasn't like them either! I never screamed at my husband in public, or left him a mile long "To Do" list on his weekends off.  On the contrary, I tried my best to "show" my husband respect, especially in public, and I rarely asked him to do much around the house.  So far I am doing great, right??  

So why is it that we had such a tough marriage?  Why is it my husband stopped confiding in me?  Why did he seem distant and harsh?  Why did he never listen to me anymore, or bring me flowers, or show affection?

The reason is simple.  Just because I didn't do, what I viewed as, "the extremes" doesn't mean I wasn't being Contentious to Jake.  

You see, I am proud to say I reject a lot of the feminist ideas.  I think hard core feminism is harsh to society, men, families,and children.  It's unfair, and down right un-biblical.  But I have realized lately that I still held some feminist idea's somewhere deep down.  I was raised in a non-Christian home and went to public school in the 90's.  Feminism was all around me.  I thought that as I became a Christian and read the Word and walked closely with my savior, I would just naturally let go of all these worldly thoughts and ideas and assume the thoughts of my Savior.

Ummmmm No. 

Not so much.  I see now that I truly thought that my needs were more important, even more noble, than his.  I mean, my need for love and honor is highly important. I work hard all day with the kids, and house, I deserve it.  His need for an adoring wife and true respect that comes from the heart was well....selfish, and very male (foreign).  Somehow my needs were valid and his were male pride.  Yikes.  

So when I "respected" him in public, yet despised him in my heart for not being the leader and man I wanted him to be, well then I was never really respecting  him at all.  And he knew it.  I tried to be encouraging, I really did.  I tried to encourage him to be a better man, a better Christian, a better father and husband.  A man knows when he doesn't measure up, even when I would say with my lips "I love you honey".  He always heard "I love you honey, but I don't respect who you are.  Maybe one day you will meet my standards, but right now you're a miserable failure".  Try being affectionate to that message. 

Then there was the double standards. When I sin, it is minor, because I do the "right" things.  See I handle my sin biblically.  I repent, reflect, confess, and do my best to walk in God's grace and not do it again.  But HE, well HE would just hide and run away from it. So his sin is now BIGGER.  " No No No. Not OK.  Come here little one, and let me show you how it's done.  You see honey, you can't even sin correctly........ let me show you how to do it...".  

Wowza.  I just couldn't figure out why things weren't cheery anymore ;-)

And on and on this went.  

"Jake, I love you, please lead the family"

(the next day)"Jake you're messing everything up by not leading, our children are going to be prostitutes and heathens!"

"Seriously, honey, you can do it, just read your bible everyday and teach the children just a few minutes a day and you'll be just like Doug Phillips and Voddie Baucham!" (now truly I did not SAY this, but I am sure this is what my husbands heart heard)

(the next day) "Seriously!!???  This sin again??  You're hopeless. You suck"

OK, now that you all hate me and think I am the wicked witch of the west, please know that God did get a hold of my heart.   He showed me in the most loving way, the only thing that would wake me up.  What my life would be like without Jake, and all his "failures".  It was just a simple vision I saw in my head as I contemplated our marriage, after another failed "date  night" (you know the kind, where you end up parked in the neighborhood screaming at each other in the car, instead of making out in the car.  You have those right?).  

I realized just that suddenly how terrible my life would be like without Jake in it.  I also so how very hard he tried to be all we needed him to be.  I saw all the good in that man, and I was so ashamed for being disappointed in him.  I was determined to pray and think, and pray some more to figure out the specifics of what I was doing to drive Jake away.  SO I prayed, and asked friends to pray, I even accepted a book from a friend on marriage, which is rare since I HATE marriage books and think they are formed in dark pits of evile devised to frustrate people.  

What God then showed me really burst my bubble...........  come back for the second post on "A Contentious Wife" and see what I am learning, how I am applying it and how my husband is responding.  

P.S. I have full permission by my husband to write this :-)  because after all, I am the submissive type, right? ;-)